Virtue

As in, patience. Coming in handy as I count down the days (three) to find out if this cycle was a go.

(Can I take a moment here to share how much I hate the Aunt Flo acronym/euphemism? I can? Great.)

In all probability I will start with the tell-tale menstrual cramps before Monday, when my period's due given that the peeing on the stick has yielded negative results so far. And I'm cool with it.

I mean sure, if two Leo parents end up birthing a Scorpio we'll have our hands a little more full than say if I become pregnant next time around and we are blessed with a Sag. But we're ready to rock and roll whichever way the stars align.

And that's why I felt proud of my level of patience today in Target as I purchased my next month's batch of pregnancy tests and an ovulation kit.

Even though I've been charting my cycle for two years now much is still mysterious to me about luteal phases and what not. So if it's this month or in six months I'm prepared to wait. And so is my partner.

After all, it's been ten years since my first pregnancy and whoever's waiting to join us on life's grand adventure is clearly on their own timetable, and in that being's timing I trust.

A decade ago when I terminated my first pregnancy one of my best friends joined me in a grief ceremony that was very cathartic. Before the procedure I took a bath in rose petals and marinated in the moment, then saved the bath water and flowers for when I had recovered.

Later we went to the botanical garden in SF and said a blessing inviting the baby to return to me later in this life. We watered a beautiful flowering tree with the rose water and I think this next month when I'm up in the Bay Area I'll try to pay said tree a visit. Just to say, "I'm still here and when you're ready, I'm waiting. And this time, I've picked out the best man for the job of being your papa."