The last time I discussed this topic I was on the other end. I was just dying to have another baby. I think I've changed my mind again. I'm reading this book to gain perspective on the issue. "My One and Only", which sadly is the only book I could find on the subject and was written in 1989. After being home alone with Macy for a few weeks and getting into a groove, I cant imagine changing our life with her. I love our family. I like Macy. She is a wonderful child. I'm not sure if I could mess with that. Sure, I would love to have another baby, but I don't think I want two kids. People look at me like I just said I'm a communist when I tell them this. Speechless, big eyed crazy looks. I think there is an attitude towards young couples who choose to have only one. Its like we're completely selfish. Maybe we are, but maybe we just love our family the way it is. One of my girlfriends keeps telling me how much Macy needs siblings. So she learns to share and interact. Well last night her kids were the ones not sharing. Macy walked over to her toddler and gave her the balloon they were all fighting over. How's that for not knowing how to share.
In the long run, Macy might miss having a sibling, but maybe she won't. Maybe she will be perfectly satisfied with her place as an only child. I'm not worried about her. What I worry about more is the judgement placed on Kev and me for *choosing* our threesome. It's hard to explain to people the satisfaction we have right now. I dont want to breed, I want to have a family. That's exactly what I have.
Of course I may come back in a few weeks with baby fever again
Comments
I know all about those looks from people..
but i don't really care about strangers, screw 'em, who are they judge? Its more annoying when it's coming from family. Dont get me wrong, it'd be wonderful to have another babe; and my only is great, but two of them?? the only real way I would consider such a thing is if I could hire a mom's helper. So i could run out of there on more than one remote occasion!
yeah-i think youre right though..the only time that macy may miss having a sibling is when she's in her twenties or later. But right now she's psyched because she gets more of you and her dad than she would have if she had sibs. Not to mention all of the experiences she'll have that most kids with sibs will never have! Would you be more likely to take one child on a trip cross country or a baby and a toddler?
As far as judgement being placed on you and yours, i say: ignore them. they're probably just mad that you got it before they did.
Take me, or leave me alone.
always a topic of conversation
between my husband myself...one baby, two, or three...
I too feel that sense of perfectness with our little unit of three. Sophie so incrediable, and I can't imagine giving her less. Yet others can't believe one baby is enough. I have friends who plan the age difference between their children with more energy that I can imagine, trying to guarentee their children will be close friends. As if timing can ensure a thing like that. I was an only child for 10 and a half years, and I didn't miss having a sibling...I had friends, cousins, neighbors. Then when my sister was born, I loved her with an intensity unparalleled at that point in my life...she is still my closest friend. That has nothing to do with our ages, though...it is just who we are.
So what's my point? The point is, life is life. The life you are given is the life you live, and although you may imagine having a twin sister whom you solve mysteries with, you know that your life belongs to you. Your daughter will only wish for siblings in an abstract, imaginative way. And that's all right. Because the life she has, she will live, and that is the way she will know.
Every choice we make affects others...one child, two, three...there are advantages and disadvantages to every decision. So just do what feels right for you at the time!
"Lonely Onlies"
My bro and I are 2 years apart, we fought constantly growing up, and as teenagers, we couldn't stand each other. Now we are friendly- when we see each other. No hard feelings, no rivalry, just no bond other than genetics. He's a good uncle to my son (an only). Df and I go back and forth on this issue too. We want to have our shit together a little more when we have another, we wanna be out of debt homeowners with a couple of decent cars. And that is not gonna be on the horizon for several years. Our one and only will be close to ten, and are we really gonna want to relive the year of no sleep, the endless diapers and the potty-training, and the whining when our other is just getting interested in girls, pot and role playing games? We can reasses then, I suppose.
"Don't rock the boat?" But the boat is sinking from the dead weight of its dishonesty. Perhaps rocking it might spill out the cargo that's sinking it. - John Taylor Gatto
Could you tell me more about
Could you tell me more about the book you found?
"mommy, i AM a goddess."
- my daughter at 2 1/2 years
baby aren't we all?
I found god in myself and I loved her,
I loved her fiercely.
Ntozake Shange