High Static
The thing about the sick kids is that I seem to process it as static. We're going along and doing okay and I even make some strides being more present or gentle with them, and then we have a week like last week, where we had a severe croup and a cold and vomiting and ear infection with draining pus, and it's like there's this buzz in the back of my head. Before I know it I'm crying and up at all hours worrying that it's some hidden illness we haven't identified yet and that it's all going to end badly, badly, and it will be my fault for not standing up for my children and their health!
Addie's okay. True, there is a peanut butter-like substance leaking from her left ear, and she can't hear a thing from it. But the ENT says the infection is not anything to be too worried about, that the tubes are doing their job because at least that crud isn't impacting in there, and use these antibiotic drops and it will clear up in no time. "You're kidding," I said. He looks at me like, what? You were expecting a death sentence?
Well, maybe. Maybe my sleep-deprived catastrophizing side got the better of me.
As I was falling asleep last night, sniffling and crying, I saw a blurry star dance across the night sky. A plane, with its light blinking, but soft and twinkly because I'm near detail-blind without my glasses on. It passed across the horizon and blinked out. Come back, I thought. Come back.
Then, today, after dropping the kids off at school and racing home to make the doctor's appointment, I swear a hundred blackbirds dropped from the trees above my car and dashed into the road in front of me, disappearing. How could I have seen them and yet they weren't there? But that's what happened, and didn't happen.
Things happening, and not happening. That's how it works.
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It's a perfect description of what the overwhelmed sick-kid-thing feels like. We have croup, and puke, and a bucket load of snot right now too. And my own head hurts just from the STATIC of it all. I watched a red fox trot right up to my bird feeder. I really did.
gosh i love sick kids! NOT anyway i jus wanted to say with the ear thing you definitely want it draining ive had tubes and the works and you want that crap out of there you know hot compresses work as well either warm washclothes or a heating pad or one thos warm up pads it will ease the pain and the heat sort of cooks everything up in there and makes it drains faster and better it will relieve the pressure in baby's ear. dont know how old your babe is but if you can get her to lay with head turned so it will drain with the heat can be better in one day. 
Jessica
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~~Dr.Seuss
Jessica
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~~Dr.Seuss
You sound like me. I've got 2 down, & one at any minute now, I'm expecting the phone to ring and tell me to come pick him up from school. Indy's got something oozing out her right eye and Emmry's coughing and I think is ear infection is coming back. I'm stressed that he'll lose his hearing permanently & then all the people that tell me antibiotics are bad, will suddenly turn on me & be like, "why wouldn't you give him antibiotics? You bad bad mother!" Haha. Oh the stress. "Life may not be the party we hoped for but while we're here we might as well dance".- Maya Angelou
"Life may not be the party we hoped for but while we're here we might as well dance".- Maya Angelou
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moments like that are so amazing. I was on a run yesterday and a coyote passed in front of me in the field. I almost peed my pants, it freaked me out a little, but then I was just awed by the amazing coolness of that.