I have made the courageous jump from non-profit to business. I have burned myself out jumping through all of the hoops; to do what I'm supposed to do, and still I'm here. I am here, a shell of my former self, stronger, but yet sicker and more exhausted.

I have done everything right, so right that I recently earned my company's division and company-wide awards.

I am indeed a usefull little engine. "This shit's not life threatening?" I got it covered. Watch me vanquish it's silly punk ass. This shit is nothing.

I have bought my first own home with grants, sweat blood and tears. And I am here, stronger than I've ever been...

and I can't keep up. I have been promoted to the point of exhaustion where a layoff would be a blessing.

What would I do with my state sponsored sabbatical you ask?

I would number one, get this 25 year old body back into 25 year old shape. i have beeen chronically ill for the last year and a half, 18 months of fatigue so deep I can't keep up with our daily needs. Fatigue, pain and crap, so bad that I am just trying to survive today, get through today, which makes for some seriously crappy parenting. Ie: "You can eat pudding for dinner if mommy can just take a nap long enough to get up the enery to read two books for bedtime, you can be disrespectful one more time if it means I can get to bed early enough to get you up in time to catch the bus on time." I'll dress you for one more sticker.

I am 25. i used to handle 3 jobs at once, and laugh my ass off at the difficulty of life. I am too youg to be so tired deep in my bones.

With a layoff I would:

I would take my antibiotics long enouh to kill this stupid infection and then, beyond that I would sleep , and sleep and sleeep until I was refreshed enough to take proper care of myself and my son.

I would fix our flat, the downstairs flat is gorgeous and has been rented for a fair price, I killed myself renovating it and working last year, but our flat has a kitchen sink which runs continuously and no counters whatsoever. And I hate cooking, wonder why? Dishes are a bitch. So I don’t really do them and here we are.

Laoff? Sounds like Hesven. Where do I sign? Can I hang out with my kid and fix the bad habits we’ve gotten into? Can I please hang out for a minute, catch my breath and fix the logistical shit that makes it so miserable to go on? Can I please get my shit together enough thtat I can handle moving on, moving up and progressing?

He’ll only be 5 once, and if we go though one more goddamned year just getting by, he may end up a drug addict or worse, so please, yes, lay me off and let me catch my breath and come back stronger than anyone ever thought possible.

So, please god, somehow, grant me the power to chill for atleast a month in order to catch my breath, get my shit together and come back stronger.