Stepson wants to move in.
Dss is 13 and lives in the boonies with his mom, her female partner, and his sister. He's doing some bs homeschool thing and is bored stiff. This is a kid who excels in school--is social, athletic, straight A's. More and more he's been talking about wanting to come stay with us, which we've always thought about, particularly for high school. We are in the district of a great, renowned high school that he would be lucky to go to. So it's been on our minds, but lately he's saying he'd like to come now, despite having to share a room with my son and being cramped and starting school mid year through.
I wasn't quite ready for this. SO isn't fully jumping on it the way I am, he's kind of blowing it off, which I think is a mistake. If the kid is saying he wants to move in now, shouldn't we pay attention? What is going on at home? It's been talked about vaguely with biomom and partner, and, eh, it's hard to tell with them.
So, how do we do this? I don't trust biomom's stability--would want something on paper outlining our arrangement so she couldn't just be yanking him whenever she wanted, and spelling out general boundaries. We'd be cramped in our house now. Do we take him anyway? Move now? Should I talk to biomom on my own?
I would love to have him here, and I think he'd do really well. But there are a bunch of logistics and entanglements and what ifs, and I know there must be more I havent' even considered.
I'm scattered--any thoughts/advice/experience here?
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I think the best course would be to talk to the biomom on your own and then possibly with him and her at the same time as well. The three of you should hopefully then figure out what the best action would be for the child. Good luck!
As the stepmom, I think your partner has to be the lead on this, especially with the biomom, unless you two have a good relationship or have a history of being able to discuss parenting issues together.
I agree he is asking to move for a reason, and it is probably important. Can the two of you talk to him and find out more? If it's not urgent, maybe you can look for a bigger place, if that is a possibility, and wait until summer vacation to make the change. I would strongly agree with having something written out with specific custody arrangements.
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Sunflower the unflower
i think its a decision you dont make quickly anyway. finish this year as is but start discussing and really figuring out if it would work. teenagers are moody and change their minds and you shouldnt make a decision like this quickly unless its an emergency situation. even if he hates it he'll live a few more months ya know? if there were no alternative he would just have to live thre right?so the decision can be planned better.
Jessica
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~~Dr.Seuss
Jessica
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~~Dr.Seuss
I guess it might be too much females there... He is in an age he might be in need of his father, to explain him things from the male side of live.
Talk with him about that. But in the arrangement with biomom your DH should take the lead. As others said it would be good if he could wait until summer vaccation. Moving would be more stressless. And all of you can make preparations.
Good luck from Stepmom to Stepmom!
...the lover, the dreamer, and me (Jim Henson)
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