contrary: a divided self

i like to think of all these different aspects of myself as being spokes on a wheel. and yet sometimes you have to focus on particular aspects in order to fully develop them. so my resolution for next year is to focus on developing my japanese language skills and continue working on my masters in teaching. and yet, and yet...
the other elements rise up and demand their due. i want to ignore them but i feel like the cry is rising from a part of myself that is more true than the side i am choosing to shine a light on for this next year. it is my writer side, the side i have been suppressing since i came of age. and the argument is compelling: you a living a mortal life, you will die. you have no time to waste.
i must strike a balance but i don't know if it is possible. i lay in bed considering what i would do if informed i only had a year of this life left. i definitely wouldn't be studying japanese or working on a degree that will only benefit a career that i am in half-heartedly. i would be living near a buddhist study center, writing and homeschooling my boys. it seems so simple but it is absolutely complicated from where i am at right now.
of course, i also want to rise to the challenge of doing something that is a bit against my grain. to gain proficiency in another language, to support my family by helping others expand themselves. it isn't a terrible path. i just don't know if it is mine.

how do you come to terms with all the different spokes of yourself?