postscript: Disney poison and overstimulating our kids
I was flying off the handle when Iwrote before and the downfall of e-communication is that there's not dialogue, questions, etc....so of course it's easy to make assumptions. It IS complicated b/c much of the commercial stuff including that Ariel Disney book comes from dad, but I have made many infractions too, even though we both try to be discerning. The culture sucks and oversexualizes images of children (Ariel fallin gout of her conch shells but acting like she's 12) esp Disney, and yet it's EVERYWHERE. Most of the crap, the vast majority, he's picked up at other's houses, and then I have trouble figuring out how to handle it. Meantime, I have this complicated deal w/ his dad and the gf whose older kids watch Disney and stuff neither of us puts on. So I end up feeling out of control. Dreamt he was stolen last night from a bar by hoodlums- I think that's how it feels to me when I can't protect from all the images and tsunami of sexist/racist crap in his face etc. I'm going to put the book away and tell him his body rocks, his feelings rock, but mommy realizes now that though that book is supposed to be for little kids the pictures and stuff are more like for teens etc.
PBIRD you were very sensitive to my feelings to write back and clarify. My feelings re: his dad are so complex and even confusing to me. Thank you. PEACE OUT SWEET MAMAS!
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but is it possible he sees his dad masturbating to girlie magazines and is copying that with the only semi-sexualized images he has?
***the United States is one of only four out of 168 countries studied to not have some form of paid family leave for new moms. We join Swaziland, Papua New Guinea, and Lesotho in not having that policy in place. ***
That was my red flag, too. I know to even speak these concerns is mortifying for any mama to consider. I too don't want to offend or worry you, maggles. It was something I thought of because my little boy is also four and plays with himself but hasn't made a connection between looking at sexual images and touching himself at the same time. I'm not even sure that its "normal" to make those connections at this age. If its possible to find out from a "professional" - please do so. Just to be sure. Or, if anyone here knows? I think this is important stuff. Again, maggles, don't freak out. This is information gathering and love, nothing more. Don't want you to feel we are alarmist for even considering the possibility that your ex may be either doing something inappropriate or maybe just walked in on at the wrong time. I'm totally not trying to alarm you.
When I think back to when my oldest was that age, it may sound bad to some, but I really didn't have a great appreciation for what was appropriate around him and what wasn't. Not that I masturbated around him but I could see someone getting caught masturbating and then trying to be matter-of-fact about it to be sex-positive. "Oh, yeah this is what I do to take care of myself. I try to do it privately and you surprised me." I think all parents are still trying to figure it all out.
***the United States is one of only four out of 168 countries studied to not have some form of paid family leave for new moms. We join Swaziland, Papua New Guinea, and Lesotho in not having that policy in place. ***
That makes sense to me. Max always exclaims, "My pee pee is big!" When he gets an erection. And then, naturally, first thing in the morning he's all about the tug and rub. So funny and interesting how sexuality is as innate for most people as learning language. I actually need to get my hands on a good book about children and sexuality because my parents NEVER spoke to me about sex and my mom actually flat out told me to not ask her questions about sex. I'm the kind of person who may give to much information if I don't know what is appropriate or understandable for the age at which my children are asking. Any book suggestions? 
I haven't taken a look at the little mermaid, but what you said about it doesn't surprise me in the least.
my favorite phrase!
we have this one at home and have read it a chapter at a time together:
http://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313/ref=p...
and we ordered a used copy of this out of print book, but we've edited it a bit in reading 'cuz although it says "ages 4-8" in the description, there were parts i thought weren't on the 4 side, but it's the only one in this genre i've come across that talks more about enjoying your body and leaves procreation for another day:
http://www.amazon.com/Kids-First-Book-About-Sex/dp/0940208075/ref=sr_1_1...
and we've checked these out from the library:
http://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763613215/ref=...
http://www.amazon.com/Amazing-You-Getting-Smart-Private/dp/0525473890/re...
http://www.amazon.com/Your-Belongs-Cornelia-Maude-Spelman/dp/0807594733/...
of course, if you were instead asking for child development books that address sexuality, i can't help there. i've read vague, brief, and conflicting stuff in various books and on various sites, and was left uncertain. so, we're just trying to provide information as it seems appropriate to our family, and i've really appreciated these books as facilitators of that!
"if i pass for other than what i am, do you feel safer?" ~ lani ka'ahumanu
dragon knows dragon
"if i pass for other than what i am, do you feel safer?" ~ lani ka'ahumanu
dragon knows dragon
Yay! These will work! Thank you, mamaneen. ASk for book suggestions, thou shall receive. 
i'm glad they'll work. you're welcome, and i'm glad to be of service.
"if i pass for other than what i am, do you feel safer?" ~ lani ka'ahumanu
dragon knows dragon
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Thanks for taking the time. No, I don't think that's the case. I lived w/ his dad for years and while complicated and difficult, I truly don't think he is into any form of porn. I helped raise his older son and he was extremely appropriate around his son in relation to ME at that time as the gf and then wife. He has good kid boundaries. And he does not have internet at his home. My son seemed very clear that nothing like that had happened ("Ever see daddy and gf doing something in bed or somewhere that surprised you, kissing etc, like grown ups do sometimes." "No" was the answer and did not seem a loaded or uncomfortable response.) Spoke to his dad who said he's only seen up kiss hello or goodbye or very briefly. Still, it's a worry. Did speak w/ an early childhood specialist who said put the book away for now- some boys DO get overstimulated by those kinds images at this age. (If youv'e seen Little Mermaid, Ursula etc those women are SPLLING w/ cleavage etc- really sexy in a way- way moreso than the other Disney ones.) I think he was looking at his book and honestly got a boner and then realized that feels good and then did it again. He was also not rubbing etc.....I also think he's awakening to the notion that I am a separate woman who dates and that the awareness of sexuality/male-female relationships awakens at this age. This whole thing just started a week ago. I put the book away. The whole thing has me worn out from worry and upset, it was weird to have him link w/ pix etc. Maybe I"m missing something, or maybe he's just kind of precocious in this way. He's the kind of kid when they did the speech and language screening at school, and they said, "Can you tell us about the picture of the kitty?" (standard answer- it is black, I have a kitty too, it has fur, I like cats) answered, "WEll cats are actually nocturnal, like owls." Oy vey. Let's hope it's just precociousness. I"ll keep delving of course, talk to another expert tmw. At least I'm in the therapy field.
Best to all,
M