Ever feel alone WITH people??
To me, that is the worst kind of loneliness/alienation. Got a hit
of that today, at Thanksgiving dinner celebration. Hurt. Ouchy-wa-wa.
Went off to the dinner feeling rather tired- hit hard by my period last
night, lingering cold, etc...and had stayed up late last night after working
to prep food (king crab I shelled myself to make crab salad in endive appetizers w/ citrus vinaigrette, and the asian chili paste/brown sugar/vinegar and sake glaze for the brussel sprouts). Really I needed to sleep, not cook. Then a longish day after my son got back from his dad's, since my sister planned a 4 start time. No kids there but him- it's easier if there are kids even though all the adults were REALLY sweet to him.
I sliced my finger open cutting fennel at the beginning of the party and had to sit w/ my hand elevated over half hour- and then it kept leaking through the bandaid periodically too...have to have it checked tmw. People were sort of socailly interviewing me, my son was running around w/ a bad on his head, there was a ton going on + champagne on not much food+ SUPER sharp knife= fingertip sliced. Then felt kind of woozy.
They were my sister's friends, who I love, but not my friends and a lot older. I feel a little distance w/ my sis these days, too. I'm the youngest and sometimes I feel sort of pathologized.
What's eating me?? I don't even know. 1. Hormones. 2. Fatiugue and feeling physically off in general. 3. Holidays AGAIN partnerless feeling tiring somehow. Not excruciating, but I get tired of doing it all alone.
I even felt a little removed from my son- which hurt. I just wanted quiet, and peace, and to grieve somehow, or rest.
Love to you all, and Thanks to you.
M
- maggles's blog
- Login or register to post comments
This year was one of the few where I didn't feel alone in a room full of people. But I've beemn there so many times!
[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]
"...we can't solve global warming because I f---ing changed light bulbs in my house. It's because of something collective."--President Elect, Barrack Obama
"Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself; but talent instantly recognizes genius"--Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Yowsers, hope that finger is better today??? Sucks about being questioned and such, I get that feeling too and last year avoided a certain group for Thanksgiving and opted to go to my sister's in laws for the day b/c they don't know me that well! I know how it feels to be little sis too. My sister sometimes doesn't talk about certain things relating to my situation and it makes me feel more isolated and I don't feel like bringing it up b/c I then feel that it makes her feel even more sure that I have those issues that she doesn't wish to indulge me in talking about. Make sense? Whatever, not really to me either. BUT, I'm sure as time passes it will bother you less these people and also, as your boy gets older. I know what you mean too about it actually being easier if there are kids around to play w/ your kid at such functions. Blah, hope xmas is a better holiday for you. Get some rest mama! Don't go making crazy complicated food for such events ever again until your boy is in college you hear? You have total carte blanche to bring a store bought pie next time. Hee hee. xo
Navigation
Who's online
Who's New
- BeachBunny
- gayle.mallinger
- Mamapocket
- mjcwriter
- addie smith
for having my back...and yogs you always get it! Hope you all had a connected feeling wonderful day. I feel better today, reconnected. My finger got bandaged- zero wait at Urgent Care, which felt like a huge gift, my son and I went to see "Four Christmases" which is pure schlock but i always like the "horrifying return to the family of origin" comedy theme, and he was a treat today and we ate popcorn and red vines. And my stomach felt good. And I ate eggs florentine for breakfast and steak for dinner and had my fill of much needed iron! One of my oldest friends came down w/ her kids and we played at the park. Everyday, extraordinary, lazy and luxuriant blessings....and I did not feel alone.
THANK YOU and love to you all,
Mags