Overwhelmed, tired, and pissed off...
Positive post,no?! I am feeling so down today. Dh's boss has basically said he must work more--apparently 9 hour days are not long enough--and because we have very little savings, we can not afford to do anything else. Our foundation is crumbling on the house so we are in the very expensive process of fixing that. There are at least 7 guys here everyday working and the noise level is enough to drive me bonkers...nevermind how it infringes on naptime. That is besides the point, really. I feel trapped on so many different levels. My old boss called me and asked me to come back for the holiday season, working a couple of nights a week, which was a nice break for me, but with the extended hours dh is going to be working, I have to tell her no. I know I may be pouting, but damn, I'm just trying to make some extra cash and give myself a break. Dh says that we are all in this together and he is just as upset as I am but as ridiculous as it sounds, I am a bit resentful. He leaves at 7, gets home at 7, has dinner and puts the girls to bed. Ava cried yesterday afternoon because "I miss my daddy". This breaks my heart but we are stuck. I am trying so hard to move past this resentment and not take it out on him but it is difficult thing for me to do. I know with time, things will get better and geez, I don't want to be a whiner.
I am also taking two classes and the workload is ridiculous. I just want to be done with all of this--it is not that bad because after 12 years, I will have my degree in May, but damn this is a shitty time right now. it is a rainy,horrible day outside, the girls are at each other's throats, and there is not enough coffee to make this day better. I need to buck up but I just needed to get this out. Thanks for listening to me bitch, mamas, your ears,love, and support make me a better person.
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Wish there were more i could say but i can listen. Sorry you're in the thick of it right now.
It's like transition in labor. Midwives know a mom is about ready to push when she really starts complaining and wanting it to be over and hating everyone and feeling like she can't go on. So, it sounds like you're in the transition phase of your life! Think about whatever it is that you're birthing!
"...we can't solve global warming because I f---ing changed light bulbs in my house. It's because of something collective."--Barrack Obama
"Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself; but talent instantly recognizes genius"--Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
maybe I will send your DH's boss a little tiny guilt vibe?
that's alot to be dealing with. i hope you can get some peace and rest soon.
and i feel you on the shitty weather thing: this grey, lonely day is sucking my soul straight out of me. i would give anything to be in my bed right now.
i know that feeling, it sucks. sometimes i try and picture it as a wave that i need to just be still and ride. i hear you mama.
At work, you think of the children you have left at home. At home, you think of the work you've left unfinished. Such a struggle is unleashed within yourself. Your heart is rent.
- Golda Meir
“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
Friedrich Nietzsche
Right now just the noisy workmen at nap time would have me crying . . .
You always seem so good at keeping everything balanced, but I guess that doesn't mean it's always easy. I know it doesn't help YOU, but hearing that a mama like you has hard days too, helps a mama like me feel less alone!
hello love,
you've got a lot spinning lady, and the added challenge of your man having to work longer hours is at the forefront right now.
you can do this - i know how overwhelming it must feel right now. you'll make it through this transition, hands down.
when challenges pop up, we learn new lessons. it can be painful, but it doens't have to be, and the bottom line is that we can work through it.
time is an issue for every family, please try to take the pressure off yourself as best as you can. by any means necessary!
i'm going on a limb right now, and i know how much you wanted to work those extra holiday hours. BUT, i can honestly say as a friend, that it might have been best for you not too.
that was not easy for me to say to you outloud!
money is one thing, but time is another. easier said than done, i know, but the universe has her own way of working. she takes out what we don't need on our life paths, like it or not/ready or not.
the positive: i'm betting in the future that you'll get that shift you need to work more hours, etc. maybe after you wrap up school in may, or maybe when your man's hours decrease again.
right now, you're doing the best you can.
keep going - i love you, christy or dragon chic a.k.a ellen aim!
've got nothing for you but vibes. Here come my best ones for you! just think of Pooh-Bear as he stuck in rabbit's entrance. One day you are thin enough to get out again... No, honestly, things will clear for you again. Hugging you!
...the lover, the dreamer, and me (Jim Henson)
by eckhart tolle and his new book that got a lot of buzz, a new earth, have been really helpful for me...in both he talks about embracing the present; the moment of now, of being present for where you are now. because in truth, the present is all the tangible (sort of) part of time we have. The past is gone and untouchable and the future, when reached, becomes the present. It's been a big paradigm shift for me to focus on the now as opposed to the future, and it has uplifted my life in so many ways...I know you were not asking specifically for help or advice, I just thought I'd share those books/ideas with you. I'm a big believer in working towards goals and making plans for the future and improvement and things of that sort (it took me 15 years to get my degree, so I feel you!), but relaxing into the present, the now, has increased my sense of peace and contentment in life.
Family Footprint | Seed & Flame
Wherever there is a human being there is an opportunity for kindness. ~Seneca
Hugs to you mama. Sounds like you are in a tough situation. Being home all day with kids from 7-7pm is nothing to sneeze at. That's A LOT of work for you. A lot of isolation from adults and the outside world. I hope things ease up and your dh can go down in hours again. This is hard times, indeed.
HUGS AND LOVE.
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