Do I bring the girls to a funeral procession of a local soldier killed? And talking to a 4 year old about war...
A soldier died this week from my town and they are closing downtown, which is where I live, for a procession of his family, followed by his casket draped with an American flag. I am very torn as to what to do. Ava is 4 and Lily is 2.5 and as much as I want them to get something from going, I'm not sure they will. But, at the same time, I'm not sure they NEED to get something from this, but rather be a witness to what is going on. It is early and I have yet to finish my coffee so this is not coming out right but I'm just kind of stuck.
I talked to Ava about it at dinner last night and explained to her that we are in a war. She asked why and my god, I stumbled over my words: do I tell her none of us really know why? Do I tell her these aholes put people's lives on the line for an unclear reason? I basically told her that we are at war because of a misunderstanding. I then changed the subject to explain that this young man--all of 20--died in this war so we could have our freedoms.This is our conversation:
A: What are freedoms?
Me: Well, things we are able to do: go to whatever church we want, read the books we want, go to school.
A: Mummy, everyone goes to school.
Me: Well, no. There are many countries that do not let girls go to school or...
A: Mummy, that is stupid. I know I'm not supposed to say stupid, but that is stupid.
Me: You're right it is stupid and that is the perfect way to use stupid.
A: It's stupid too that the boy died, right mummy.
Me: Yeah, Ava it is stupid. But, we still have to pay our respects because he died so we can have the life we have.
A: Yeah, but it is still stupid...do you think he will be up on a star, mummy?
Me: Definetly.
At which point, I was beaming with pride for my little girl and mad at myself for thinking she would not be able to understand. Kids are amazing little creatures...the more I think about it, the more I will probably go just to show some support for this man and his family. I am so against this war and it pains me to the core that so many people--American and others--have died. It is a quagmire over there and it breaks my heart the mess we have made in the lives of so many.
Have a great day, mamas.
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they are way too young. Children developmentally can't deal with funerals, etc until at least 7. Let them stay blissfully unaware as long as possible. Death is so abstract & so hard for kids to really grasp.
Just to the procession, not the actual funeral. Death is a hard thing to grasp for kids this young but i think they need to be taught early, that it happens and it's not something to be afraid of, like a halloween sort of afraid. KWIM?
I love the conversation you had with A. I haven't been asked that many questions yet but V and i have talked about death, we go to our cemetary a lot and when i see a procession going by, i ask the kids to put their heads down and be quiet out of respect. They aren't scared of it and i'm hoping i'm preparing them for their future.
Also, i'm so sorry to hear about that soldier. We had a boy die from my town last year too and they literally shut down the whole town to honor him. Very sad.
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Just to clarify, I had no intentions of going to the funeral, that is way too much for them. I was more referring to the procession.
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