Friend bummer
I have a friend that I have known for years, and we haven't lived in the same city for almost 10 yrs but we have stayed really connected. Until lately. It's strange, and it seems like it's hard for me to talk with her sometimes.
For instance today she asked me why I would get my masters degree to teach at a local college when I wouldn't be making much money. And when I told her maybe that would make me happy, she responded that I would be just putting myself into more debt for no real reason, and she told me how her brother was doing something like that, and has 4 kids, and that she thinks her parents give him all this money, because there's no way he could be doing it all on his own, and she wonders if they are really happy.
It's like we are growing apart. She makes more money than I do, and her BF makes more than my DP, and it's kind of like she isn't throwing it in my face, but it's starting to effect her. For years, we had both been super poor hippies, but now that she is working, she's kinda changed.
I hope that her words are meant to make me want to make the best out of myself, but I end up feeling defensive, like I have to try and defend my choices to her.
Do I know what I am going to do with my english degree? NO. I am okay with that though. But now I find myself questioning my decision. (and i know that's on me to let that go and get a tougher skin, but i wouldn't expect to have to do that with a close friend, ya know?)
- raspberrytoast's blog
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but after reading it over a few times, I think the comment was more about her resentment of her brother for "using up" their parents' resources (in her mind). It sounds like she isn't doing a really good job of listening and being present for you, just slapping her judgments of situations on you without really putting herself in your shoes.
It sucks when you feel like a friend is imposing their judgments on you. Sometimes it helps to call her out on it. What's worked for me is, the next time she throws a little barb at you, to say, "That's interesting. Why do you think that?" It forces her to back up and explain herself, and it might make her think twice about being so judgmental.
"Too weird to live. Too rare to die." - Hunter S. Thompson
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I think that's a good idea. When I wrote that I was upset, and I didn't want to paint her to be this horrible person, because she's not, it's just that lately we seem to be growing apart too much.
We had another little thing this morning, and I was a bit more assertive about how I felt about what she was saying to me.
I try to think that there are prolly situations where I have been the one coming off judgey and not meaning too.
Thanks for the input.
The wise poet Rumi tells us--
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there
http://www.ponycherry.blogspot.com/