POLL
mamas, would you consider using a licensed, in-home daycare if the provider was male, and had his own child there with him?
if so, why? if not, why not?
thanks thanks thanks.
“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
Friedrich Nietzsche
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I would consider it. I am super picky, but I would surely consider it if I needed childcare.
why would I consider it? Well, it's hard to answer that without trying to speculate on why someone wouldn't have a man watch their kid. I guess there are men I trust and women I trust, men I don't trust and women I don't trust. But I don't think that keeping all children away from all men is really anything that makes sense. If it is about molestation, my kid is still way more likely to be molested by a family member...if it's that men don't know how to to properly care for children I don't agree with that - I think men can learn to take care of kids just like women can learn - any ineptitude I see regularly in men seems to come from lack of practice more than natural ability or lack of natural ability.
if i met him and got a good feeling about him, and was able to speak with(and get positive feedback from) the parents of other children he had taken care of, i would never let the fact that he was a man stop me from trusting him. finding good childcare is fucking hard enough as it is-- i feel like if we crossed everyone off the list who had a dick, we could be eliminating the possibility of finding the exact right fit for our kids!
some of the places i looked at were SHA-DY. like, the kids were 'napping' on the couch while 'days of our lives' was on tv and the provider smoked cigarettes a few feet away. the second i walked into that woman's home, i looked around and said "oh, i don't think this is what i'm looking for. thankyou." and walked out. she curtly said "good luck," and kinda slammed the door. this was a liscensed provider! horrible. anyway, you'll know if the man you're thinking about using is what you're looking for. trust your gut!
As long as I liked him, my kid liked him, had good references, etc.
I wouldn't consider an in-home daycare for my son. Because of his behavior issues; he needs to have a licensed staff; not just one care provider; but a staff. There needs to be someone else around in case someone needs to tap out. He can be very challenging. I need to have backup if his regular teacher is sick. If I'm paying for care; I need more than one person around. I'm not paying (and working) to have to take off an average of one day out of two months (I've tracked it) when my kid isn't even the one who's sick. I'm not taking the chance of head games, power plays and passive aggressive bullshit with my kid and his emotional well being. We had a very bad in-home daycare experience, can you tell? Heh. The one we used was a married couple; and honestly he did way better with the husband. He was a lot more patient and was more intuitive to DS's needs.
I think that most kids do just fine in in home daycares; otherwise they wouldn't be around. I would consider it with a neuro-typical child. And, considering that the majority of DS's best teachers have been male; I'd be more likely to choose the one with the male provider, especially if he's a parent.
Sure, why not? He and the environment would need to pass my criteria check list just the same, but if all was good I'd let my child be cared for by him. My husband was a children's librarian for a few years and there was this one woman who complained about him JUST BECAUSE HE IS A HE. She would not take her kids to any of his programs. This fear of men being around children who are not their own is quite sad. I blame the media.
"We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that birth is painful. It's that women are strong."
- Laura Stavoe Harm
i agree with everyone else, if it was a good fit for everyone, (kid) especially, then i say: go for it.
i wish that more men would do this! kids need the masculine force/balance in their lives, period.
i don't think they would be any less safe/more safe, etc.
mars has had a male teacher for two years now, she started the 2nd grade last week. not to compare apples and oranges, but she said:
"mom, i like having a man teacher, i wish that i could always have a man teacher". and she's right!
love,
dc/christy x
the offical asian adventuress!
because I know a lot of really awesome papas who take care of their kids all day, while they work even - and if he is licensed then that just means that he cares enough to take his like of taking care of kids even further and turn it into his full time job.
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with the in-home aspect than the male caretaker aspect. i hada horrible experience with the licensed in-home childcare i went to as a 3/4yo and just would never go that route with my child. unless it was a family member/trusted friend's home.
There was a very long heated debate here on male babysitters awhile back. Anyone remember? Lots of opinions....
.
If I remember correctly, last time around there were a lot of "no" responses...
There were a lot of no's, but IIRC the question was about hiring a teenage boy as a babysitter. I'd probably say no to that but yes to the licenced dad, assuming all references etc were OK.
but yeah, because he was afraid to expose himself to any sort of extra scrutiny (being a man in a childcare role) decided not to. Plus all of the other hassles involved.
In fact, he was interested at one point in pursuing an ECE certification (inspired by his fascination with dd and her development) but was disheartened by reading a lot of negative comments toward male caretakers in a local forum.
He's thinking of doing elementary school these days (his dad is also a first grade teacher).
Check him out like you would any other provider and if he is a good caregiver it will provide your kids a new perspective about roles that men and women are assigned in society. Support a man who changes diapers....that is a rare commodity in our world! And childcare doesn't pay all that much, so he is making a choice to do this, which does make a difference!
dig down deep and light a Mary candle before you go!
mamakats
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sonya SmithWong sagely said, "dig down deep and light a Mary candle before you go!"
1) Because I've been trying to figure out a way to get a positive male role model into H's life, anyway. Bonus points if he's straight, as I have a dozen gay men in my life.
2) Because I would want to support someone going against the grain and doing things their own way, which a male daycare provider would probably have to be doing.
As long as he's as qualified as a female provider, I would hope, at least, that I would consider it. I'd wrestle with it a lot, though, first, because I don't generally trust men. I don't deal with male healthcare providers when I can avoid it, so why would daycare be different? But I do want H to have a healthy relationship with the male half of the world, so ultimately, I think I'd go with it.
24/MN. Queer, veg, single, AP mama to DD1.
25/MN and WA. Queer, veg, single, AP mama to DD2.5.
my current daycare situation is a mom and dad who do daycare in their home. one of the reasons why i chose them is because there is a man there too. i just love the fact that my son has positive male interaction time...for the past two years there have been only women taking care of him...
i think for me...i'm more comfortable with a mom and a dad instead of just a dad...that said, it depends on the dad. if he was amazing, hells yeah.
1. He is licensed, and the state will have run a check on his background.
2. His kids are there, and if they are happy well adjusted kids, you will know it.
3. Some of my best friends are SAHD..
4. Dads are just fun and spontaneous.
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