heartbroken (again) or...what would you do?

This is a long story and I've told it too many times over the last few days to go back in to detail without crying, so here goes the quick and dirty: (keeping in mind this all happened in less than 48 hours)
*in the morning had a fleeting moment of wanting to break up with my man because, I realized later he was talking about hanging out with his ex the next day-and though I was not really cool with it, I didn't want to be like "that"-it was important for him to be friends with her...but i didn't say anything until
*postcoital moment of honesty reared it's head and he was really hurt-teared up and told me to not ever think that again because he wouldn't let it happen
*go out on a date, walk around downtown and go to a bar for a couple drinks-apparently I was being flirted with and not responding the way someone who is taken should-but to me, the guy is a friend and I gave him my number because it had changed and I've known him for years and hadn't seen him in a long time-my man took off and I didn't follow him-I stayed and played a game of pool with another male friend of mine-my man came back just in time to see that guy get my number (because he had to replace his phone)and then give me a hug that we both deemed a little beyond friendly (according to my friends this guy was after me for a little while, nothing happened, but I guess I had just not seen it until then)
*my man was very butt hurt and threatening to sleep on the couch-I convinced him to come to bed eventually but he had to catch a bus to the next town over to meet up with his ex and we got very little sleep and were still pissy when he left
*he's gone all day, ignoring my phone calls, not returning them, turned off his phone, comes back at 4am, just gonna get his back pack but the dogs barking woke me up and when I went to give him a hug he said he had to be a dick and call this off...instead of being sane and sober I went apeshit and was drunk/tired and hurt -instead of telling him to think about it and we would talk when we had some space and were both sober I flipped out and wanted to talk to him then...apparently it was confusing to see her and have a good time, they had fun...though he did tell me that he was not in love with her, but with me...and she told me after all this that she had intentionally laid it on thick and had avoided any and all topics which might lead to trouble. Their relationship was codependent and miserable, he and I had a really good talk about it just about a week ago-about how he was so happy not to be with her anymore because she had never respected him, she was not loving to him, etc. During the conversation where he was trying to explain to me why he "couldn't" be with me we were holding hands and kissing. it was weird.
*the next morning I'm trying to wake him up (he's sleeping on the couch outside) so he won't miss his train. The first time I try he says don't worry, everything's fine, everything's gonna be okay...um, no.?
*take him to the train station, he tells me he loves me, I get out of the car to give him a hug and we kiss and part ways with I love you and he's coming back on sunday-

there's more to it, it's so complicated and confusing. Like, just driving me nuts. I can't understand going from less than a week earlier telling me that I had no choice and that he would convince me to marry him someday, making plans for a winter vacation together, tearing up because I had, for one stupid second, thought this wouldn't work...and telling me that I couldn't think like that, he wouldn't allow it, that I could never ever think that again...doing such a flip flop is new to me. The only other time I've been broken up with (I can dish it out but not take it) it was in the cards, ya know? It was obvious for a few weeks or even days before the fact-the very fact that I was talking to guys at the bar and not giving him the attention he wanted is not a good enough catalyst for this sort of confusion. I did ask him to think about this, to really try to sort things out because it was a mistake, a really bad idea. I was talking to a mutual (and male) friend of ours the on monday about it, his reaction was really funny-but he also knows the ex and had hung out with them together too-he went off on how this was the stupidest thing * has ever done, (and he has done some stupid things), that he would regret it and that he was giving up a good thing to go with something that would make him miserable again. Our friend told me that he would like to have a talk with him but he's not in town right now-well, what would you say to him I ask? - I would sit him down and outline all the reasons why you're not just a good fucking woman but a good woman for him and if he's scared he's gotta get over it before he really pisses you off and you're gone because that's a mistake that he'll regret the rest of his life. sweet-my friends are awesome.

so anyway, what would you wise ladies do?

***update:
so I talked to someone who lives up where he lives and he told her that we had broken off because I had gotten drunk on gin, called him a bunch and freaked out and it was too intense and he freaked out. He'll be here tomorrow, wish me luck! I considered getting all dolled up and meeting him at the train, but have no sitter:( so, please mamas, VIBE me 'cause I know that we can work through it, we love each other