respect, kids.

We have been watching the kid of a friend lately and it's been a crazy and great experience. The kid is great, but also pretty difficult at times. The kid gets along great with my kid, though they aren't the same age at all or the same gender. Basically the kid shows up, wild, negative and talking funny (baby talk, whining, shrieky, talking so quietly you can't hear - it alternates) and after a bit (day or two) starts acting like a regular kid. It starts out that kid wants special favors, to break or bend all of the rules, wants to push and push and push some more, won't share, won't help and then later she's not into that at all, follows all rules very willingly, offers help, is kind and funny and looks for solutions, is really an easy kid to be around. And what happens in the middle (well the whole time, but what seems to make a difference) is we have rules, we all follow them. We are consistent. We treat everyone in our house with respect. I go out of my way to point out stuff kid does that I like/value/want to increase chances of happening again, I ignore negative stuff that I can (isn't harmful, doesn't break rules we've laid out). We are affectionate, we include kid in our activities, explain what we do and why.
And I know this stuff is important, but it's crazy to me that kid can show up at the house acting one way and after a day or so of very alert care, the kid acts like a totally different person. It's just so weird that it's so effective. With my own kid I strive to act that way, and have done pretty well (made tons of mistakes too, of course, constantly) but I don't see the results as much because my is always treated more or less the same by me and my husband, so we see the results, but they don't fluctuate much.
So I guess it's exciting to me to see that this stuff does actually work (and I am sure not in all cases etc disclaimer disclaimer blah blah blah). And it's cool.
My worst thing is taking things personally that aren't personal...like if the kid is acting really wild and difficult and it's aimed at me I tend to start out by taking it personally instead of thinking about how it's a kid and the kid is adjusting and that the kid would do this with anyone (including kid's own parents). But I get over it pretty fast.
I have to remember the whole "behavior is communication" thing and try to figure out what kid is trying to communicate, and then I have more empathy, even if I am annoyed by the behavior.
I love the kid. Plus now I know some of what the future may hold (with my kid) and it's nice to feel kind of optimistic.