i'm just kind of thinking out loud here, so feel free to ignore. i just read back what i wrote earlier and i'm feeling bummed by how negative the whole thing has become. i wish the whole process didn't have to be so energy-sucking, and i wish i could have more faith in the end goal, which is that BD will get the help he needs so that he can be the healthy, positive influence in *DD's (*whom i shall from now on refer to as monkeygirl due to her impressive climbing ability and her abundance of affection for the banana*) life that he claims to want to be. i have to remember that underneath the terrible things he has said and done, he is human and is probably ashamed and afraid of himself. reminding myself of all the reasons i know he's not good for her right now kind of takes away from the point that i hope he will be good for her someday. hope, hope, hope that she will know her father as a kind, loving, affectionate, even-tempered man rather than the mean, angry, sometimes violent man he has been so many times before. am i foolish for wanting to have faith that he'll get help and change?? or am i terrible for having a sinking feeling that having faith in that would be a disapointment?? AAACK, i am thinking too much!