hi!
truth: i was vaccuuming today, and pulled out my 4 unused boxes of today's sponges from my closet. 3 things happened:
1. question: what kind of person keeps birth control in a fucking closet!? answer: *the kind of person who lived without sex for way too long!*.
2. i'd been saving them for when i meet the real man, the one that i'll have a long term relationship with. the bladerunner, the guy that commits and takes an HIV test, the whole 9. i looked forward to using them, because ultimately i hate condoms. i want a real boyfriend.
3. i checked the expiration date and they had expired in august 07'!!!! this was the worst thing i could have faced today, i think. mostly because i have pms, but truthfully, this was symbolic of what my life was like for so many years.
4. i thought that a today's sponge was like astronaut food!?? what happened to my sex life? why am i living like a sexy nun? i love sex, i always have. something has happened here, i'll figure it out.
5. i remember the day i went to planned parenthood to get these, it was probably a year and a half ago! i was still married, and we never used more than 2 of 6 the boxes in the last year that we were together. how many total were used? i can count that high!
6. i cried over this. i'm dissapointed that my shit was put on the back burner for so long!!! ME!!! i can't live like this anymore! i want and need regular sex. i'm a good woman, this is plain bullshit!
7. what is needed/what will help: awakening my heart centers. i'm working on this as we speak.
8. do you feel/understand my urgency? this is ridiculous! i spent 12 out of 14 years in a sexless marriage. how dumb is that? the quaility was there, but the quantity? give me a break! nell carter got more dick than i did!!!
9. no offense to the ghost of ms. carter. gimme a break was a fierce show! my point is that the whole world has had more sex than i have in the last 12 years! this isn't cute!
10. at least i'm laughing now! and smiling! i can fix this, wish me luck ladies.
11. i've had 2 partners in the last 11 months! WOW!!! someone call guiness! i walked by a cool movie house in my neighborhood today, and they're playing bladerunner. they used the poster that most people haven't seen, the original for the movie. it gives me hope and makes me happy.
12. (this one is really needed tonight!). i went grocery shopping and ran into the bakery lady that reluctantly gave my daughter free cookies for months. she's finally nice to me now! i told her my story, and she said: "now, how you do plan on going out and finding a man like that?". i laughed and told her that i'm manifesting him, dreaming him up as we speak. she doubted this, didn't understand it. i liked that part. it's okay that she didn't understand it, only i have to believe it.
love - the flying ex-nun,
dc is still here!