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So everyone, I am coming out of the closet finally..... to just about everyone, including you gals.....Submitted by Birdie on Sat, 05/03/2008 - 2:47am.
I'm Bi. Big whoop. I fell in love with another single mama who used to live in my apartment complex- she instigated the whole thing but she doesn't become Bi unless she's drinking, and I can't deal with it... She's fucking with my head and emotions when I'm feeling really vulnerable because of the situation. But I'm pretty proud of myself for finally coming out of the closet... I had a girlfriend before 7 years ago but she was really into PDA and I just could not handle it... maybe this is karmic, I don't know. I'm still not really into PDA because I am pretty private about stuff like that, I don't like voyeurs. Any other queer mamas out there who want to converse about the whole coming out thing? Or give advice because this woman has been kind of shredding me emotionally lately AND she got a "boyfriend" but still calls me up when, you guessed it, she's drinking and tells me she wants to have babies with me and that she can see us together at 40 and that she thinks we should move in together and have one big family but OH WAIT let's call up our ex or current boyfriends to have a threesome because she wants to have a surrogate penis. WHATEVER!!! I think I'm going to try my best to stay away... omg she's gorgeous though- a part-time model and definitely the "Prettiest Girl in the Room" (anyone catching the Flight of the Conchords reference????) And apart from her bastard qualities I just plain love her, personality and all. Of course I would find a girl bastard.... Rats! I'd love some resources!!! I want to know about famous queer folk historically speaking so lay it on me!!! I made a decision to cut off contact with her, and I'm kind of relieved at this point- and I'm going out with a lesbian neighbor to "Girls Night" next month, so I'm hoping I'll be able to reach out to some folks here in my community- it just feels like the right thing to do at this point. I'm not going to let her treating me like shit keep me in the closet or scare me away from women because obviously, ya'll rock. so, i had finally overcome my slacking to get a resource list here, and i was copying and pasting as i went, and it just got fuckin' eaten when i accidentally backed up the browser. ack. okay. ::deep breath:: here i go again. i'm gonna leave out the clever parentheticals this time around, though: famous bisexuals: more general: bisexual books: and an article: i hope girls night rocks the house and provides some rl community!
"if i pass for other than what i am, do you feel safer?" ~ lani ka'ahumanu dragon knows dragon i knew i had put together a bi bibliography at some point and couldn't find it, so here are the books from it that i didn't already list above: Closer to Home: Bisexuality & Feminism (Women's Studies/Gay Studies) Bisexuality and the Challenge to Lesbian Politics: Sex, Loyalty, and Revolution (The Cutting Edge : Lesbian Life and Literature Series) by Paula C. Rust (Paperback - November 1995) Lesbian & Bisexual Identities. Constructing Communities, Constructing Selves. by Kristin G Esterberg. Temple University Press, 1997. Vice Versa: Bisexuality and the Eroticism of Everyday Life. By Marjorie Garber. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1995. The Bisexual Option (Haworth Gay and Lesbian Studies) Women and Bisexuality Bisexual Horizons: Politics, Histories, Lives More titles listed at http://bitheway.org/Books/
"if i pass for other than what i am, do you feel safer?" ~ lani ka'ahumanu dragon knows dragon thanks for saying so. i'm glad to be able to offer whatever i can to help. the secret identity resource librarian monitoring voice in my head is still chiding me for not being more thorough 'cuz there's yet more stuff out there, but i do have to do jobby-job stuff at the jobby-job, too, and i almost never have computer-focused time at home . . .
"if i pass for other than what i am, do you feel safer?" ~ lani ka'ahumanu dragon knows dragon you came out! it's such a relief when people finally know and you don't have to hide. i'm single, pregnant, queer or bi or whatever(kinda tired of labels personally). i came out in 1995 and was with only women for 11 years...for the past 3 years i've been dating men...it's just what happened. i miss women, but haven't met anyone where i've been living that i've had interest in. moving back to s.f. very soon though so that all may change back to you...from experience i also say do your best to keep your distance from this beautiful woman, i know, it can be really hard to do. but with the feelings you have for her i can only see you getting seriously hurt.
Is that she told her "boyfriend" about us and he got really jealous and told her she could never talk to me again... this is the story she gives me when she showed up on my doorstep two nights ago. THEN she tells me he asked if she still had feelings for me and she said yes and he broke up her- right before she came over to my house. She breaks into my wine and starts trying to get me to pack up my son in the car and bring him over to her house where a friend is watching her kids. I refuse because she's got to win back my trust and I tell her she has to call me every single day for a week before I'll spend the night. I also told her she had to watch the first season of the L word and that there would be a quiz. So finally, she leaves, calls me reluctantly yesterday morning and then today, after JUST ONE DAY she forgets to call me or god knows what happened, he probably got back together with her. She even slipped the other night and said "Come back with me NOW because I don't know if I'll feel this way tomorrow!" And I said "THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M AFRAID OF!!!" FUCK THIS. ONE day and she forgets- and I even said, that's it I won't even want you in my life as a friend if you can't just do this one thing for a week. Write a FUCKING note on your hand or something for the next person Lienne because I won't be seeing you anymore. I can't go back on what I said so- there she goes, and here I am, so happy and so sad. Sister, this is what we call dyke drama, and you deserve WAY better than this. There is a womyn out there who can give you 100% of herself. You are wasting your time with this beautiful little torture chamber while you could be out there focusing your energy on someone who will value and respect you. i'm sorry about your "friend" babe, i agree with befores. just watch your back, when it comes to sex, some people act like they can handle it, but they really can't. the richard simmon's pic that patty posted is insane! goddess knows i love some jewish peeps, i'm a life long fan! but hot damn! nobody in the community is claiming that fool! he has guts though, i give him that! on the bi-front: i'm bisexual, but i haven't slept with a woman in 14 years. not since before my second marriage. i love women, i support us, i would die for us. i love men, hot and steamy, hairy and wired so differently from us. i love both sexes for completely different reasons. i can be in love with or have sex with either creature. go with your heart, and mostly, know that we love you, period. forevers, dc is xsty! a fire breathing/green scaled mistress production! Welcome out, mama! Another queer single mama in the world. We are taking over. Yesss.... Wouldn't it be fucking incredible if all of the world came out at once????? We could have a revolution! "The most important political step that any gay man or lesbian can take is to come out of the closet. It's been proven that it's easier to hate us and fear us if you can't see us." This quote was the final push I needed. It is a nice thing to acknowledge something like this-- it can be a big relief. Like there's this whole unacknowledged thing about yourself (that yeah, maybe everyone else in the room could see) that you can feel more relaxed about. I'm sorry about this woman-- she sounds like bad news, sorry to say. A heart-breaker for sure. Sometimes we have to go through those relationships for some reason (like maybe her role in your life was to get you to come out). I would try to stay away from her too though (but then again, I've made total crap decisions about my love/sex life ... it's always easier to see things from the outside!). I'm going to guess & hope that coming out, feeling more comfortable with your sexuality (even if you aren't all pda about it-- hey! there's no one way to be queer-- you don't have to start making out with women on every street corner!! heh), you will attract a more stable / out woman (or a man since all is possible!) who can love you for you, and not just when she's/he's drunk! you fucking slay me. That is genius. Birdie: Best of luck finding a non bastard female or male to make you happy!!!
Congrats on coming out. I remember when I came out as queer... what a relief it was. Interestingly enough, it didn't surprise anyone.
To think of the agony and self-hatred and fear I put myself through, feeling like a freak before I realized what was going on...It's strange, I'm not homophobic at all and I would never judge another person for a choice like that- in fact, I've always thought that lesbians were much cooler than I could ever be.... So I'm saying "Big whoop!" to myself really, it's ridiculous how NOT a big deal it has been so far.... However, my closest girlfriend HAS distanced herself in the past weeks. It must be kind of weird for her, I was her bridesmaid at her wedding and I couldn't stop crying...... I mean, she knew about my old girlfriend 7 years ago and was really cool about it- I don't think she's homophobic AT ALL...I'm guessing we might have some unresolved feelings we need to talk about. I mean, we love eachother. It's confusing. It's not sexual though, but I feel like I love her just as much or more than any guy has.... and I've always put her on a pedestal. Wow, in the space of me writing this message my friend e-mailed me to tell me she's sorry she's been so busy!!!! YAY! A few of my old friends were like, "Come on, Birdie, you thought I'd be surprised????" Geesh, my friends know me better than I know myself! |
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i'll second beforedreaming - you don't need the dyke drama! none of us do. i'm sorry you've been having to deal with it.
my secret identity is resource librarian, so if books or blogs or queers on film would be of use to you, IM me, and i'll be happy to send an absurdly long list of titles and urls.
imho, sexuality is complex and dynamic - i've identified as bi, as lesbian, as queer, as a dyke, as bi again and/or simultaneously. it's okay to give yourself time and room to figure your self out and to keep doing so. i've been out for almost twenty years, and it's still ongoing . . .
"if i pass for other than what i am, do you feel safer?" ~ lani ka'ahumanu
dragon knows dragon