About Us & WelcomeHip Mama is a magazine bursting with political Interested in subscribing to the print zine? Click Here If you're new here, please take a moment to click around and check out the options.
|
Male docs, specifically ob-gyns........*Edit*Submitted by bleu7102 on Fri, 04/18/2008 - 7:15pm.
Okay, this is pure curiosity here, but I wanted to see who was comfortable with a male doc? Do any of you use them? I've just been pondering this lately cause when we move I'll have to find a new one, and I pretty much refuse to use a man OB. I'll be looking for a nurse practioner probably, maybe one who can act as a family dr. for all of us. But I've just been worried about not being able to find a female I can go to because of insurance or whatever reason. I've always been fascinated by women who can go to a male OB. I liken it to someone taking thier airplane to a bicycle repair shop for repairs. That may be a cheesy analogy, but you get my point. Why would I trust someone to know everything about something they don't even own themselves? And a big part of it for me is self-esteem issues. I'm not comfortable with my body, I certainly don't want another man to see my most private area, other than my DH. I'm not uncomfortable with my yoni itself or sexuality, but my whole body in general. Anyways, just curious what you mamas thought about this topic. *Also meant to add that it actually kinda creeps me out that a male would even want to go into this area of medical studies. I'm not saying that all male OBs are pervs or anything like that, but seriously, what would the attraction be to them? I just can't wrap my mind around it. Maybe I just have some hang ups I need to address..... experiences with male gynos. My 1st male gyno was through a planned parenthood clinic. I didn't have a choice who I saw going there and he was AWFUL! He didn't speak to me other than "scoot down" and he was rough. I fainted one time after seeing him. I was 20 yrs. old. ...and I have always been high risk, so I have had nothing but OB/Gyns. DH is military, so needless to say I've gone all over this country, always searching for a doctor (because I always seem to be pregnant). I have had a mix of male / female docs, and here's how it turned out: DS #1 (R) and DD #1 (A): R & A are my fraternal twins. I lived in rural Minnesota at the time, so I had nada choices for healthcare...no midwives practiced up there as of yet, so I had a male OB. He had the bedside manner of a Mack Truck, but he was a good doctor...he helped my kids be delivered only 4 weeks early (considering I had pre-eclampsia, that was awesome). DD #2 (H): Female doc this time, still in MN. She was AWESOME! She respected my thoughts on natural childbirth, she coached me through my first bout with gestational diabetes, made sure I had an educator and dietitian that I could communicate with, etc. Delivered my daughter with no epidurals, even though I had to stay in bed (again, pre-eclampsia). She let my labor go on its own with just monitoring of my BP (she didn't start Pitocin to speed up my labor, she left the Magnesium alone until after my delivery to lower my BP...because Mag can slow labor). DS# 3 (E): Male docs in TX. Aggrevating, annoying. They DID have nurse midwife in their practice, which made my bi-weekly visits a lot easier. E was delivered via emergency c-section due to a seizure disorder that I had no idea exsisted. New Baby (A): I am in a mixed practice. There male/female docs and there are TONS of midwives. It is a high risk practice, so I am seen weekly. I love my midwives...and my female OBs. The males are older, and they will not respect my decision to have a VBAC this time. I see all of them, unfortunately, and I will have a birth plan in place so that c-section is only necessary in case of emergency. I work in the hospital I am delivering at...so hopefully, all will go well. This was a lot longer than intended, my apologies. "I will not allow my fears to destroy my ability to love; I will not allow my past to influence my tomorrow; I believe in the best; I will continue to be an idealist, even if it sometimes seems foolish. I will not allow fear to destroy love..." Male or female. Going to a nurse-midwife instead. When I got pregnant I was sorta panicked because I didn't have an ob-gyn. I'd been to one in the next town over to mine but a) I didn't like her AT ALL (although she came highly recommended) and b) she didn't have privileges where I want to deliver. The other highly-recommended ob-gyn office in my town was all male. And I have to say, I was not happy about seeing a male ob-gyn. And I'm queer so it's not really about the opposite sex thing. I know perfectly well that male ob-gyns are just as qualified to do the job. And I think I'm pretty comfortable with my sexuality and my body. I think in turning to female ob-gyns I was hoping to find kindred spirits who would understand my body on a level BEYOND medical knowledge, who could be intuitive. Some of the female ob-gyns I have seen did that, some did not. Looking back on it, this was a fairly naive idea I had. I mean, they are - regardless of their gender- trained to be MEDICAL professionals. And then I realized that I could go to a midwife* instead of a MD. What a freakin' revelation!!! I love my midwife. She's not arrogant, she is happy to talk to me at length about whatever my questions, concerns, issues, are. She doesn't use stirrups!!!!!!!! I was so surprised about this-- never never never had I been to an ob-gyn that hadn't involved stirrups. When I said something to her, she was like, "I find no reason to use stirrups and I think they are degrading." And of course, I'd always found them degrading (I mean, does any one not find them as such?) but figured they were medically necessary. Yeah, NOT SO MUCH. As so many things that have to do with women's health (particularly sexual health/childbirth) I guess it seems they are more for the convenience of the medical professional (really the number of examples of this are completely horrifying!). I don;t know why I think this stirrup thing is so important- it's just that it seems to be an example for why I'm so much happier now than I was going to a doctor. Anyway- so that's my answer. No ob-gyn! (unless of course, it becomes medically necessary) *This is not to say that nurse-midwives are not trained medical professionals or that all midwives are the same/like mine. But somehow I have a deeper relationship with my midwife, that involves more than her looking at my vagina and telling me if it's healthy, from her medical perspective. She seems much more interested/concerned with my whole body/mind/spirit/emotion. And I've heard other women say the same about their midwife. Thanks for all the replys, I've liked reading everyone's feelings on this. BleuRoo Handcrafted Sweetness Definitely curious to read responses--I'm going to post first, though. I've always been RADICALLY anti-male doctor in general. I mean, I'm sure many of them are good doctors, I just don't want to talk about my body with them, honestly. In fact, I was just looking for a primary care provider, and of the seven names that were read off to me, five were men, one is a female doctor I don't like (my daughter's former family practice physician) and a female nurse-practitioner, or whatever they're called. I went with that last option, even though she's not AS educated or AS experienced, I assume, just because I was really not comfortable with what I saw from any of the men (they all have profiles on the health system's website.) It doesn't help that I'm dating a physician. I had always kinda been able to pretend that they were asexual creatures, but he's definitely not. That makes it even harder for me to handle going to a male doctor. And OB-GYN? Ha! Hell no. Not just no, but HELL NO. As a queer female, that just gives me the total willies. Now that I've read responses, I feel guilty for being biased. It's like being more comfortable with a white physician because they're the same race I am. Hmm. This merits some more thinking on my part, and an attempt to GET more comfortable with male physicians, somehow, but I still don't think it would be beneficial for my physical health to go to them right now because I'm just so self-conscious and I feel like no man could ever really GET me or my circumstances, even on such a technical subject as health. between a rae issue anda fundamental physiological issue. I mean it's one thing whern someone can't understand your life circumstances due to race and another to have someone specializing ina field where they are completely unable to grasp the intracacies of a persons core physiology. I'm sure there area a lot of men out there that are gentle and caring OBGYNs but c'mon they don't have cunts and never will, how could they possibly understand us? I used to go to men docs but no more, I just never found any that really understood what it meant to be a woman and so how on earth could they grasp what my needs as a patient were? Nothing to feel bad about there. I also was physically harmed by an ER doc who did a pap a few years ago and just can't see myself letting anyone but my DH touching me there again.
I've also had bad experiences with female OBGYNs but I still hold to the idea that a woman knows a woman better in many respects than a man could.
Naw, do what feels right for you. I have never had a male OB and never will. Not comfy with it, end of story. I kind of feel like doctors, like people in other professions, should be judged on their skills rather than on their gender. I have had two excellent male OB/GYNs (in fact the guy who delivered my little one was in fact male and I absolutely love him) and some great, some not so good female OB/GYNs. I am changing groups again for my insurance and am so glad that I do not have to change OBs because I really like this guy. He knows his stuff, is personal but still no-nonsense and is just all-around rad. and what is up with all of the weird names for vagina? I appreciate your views on gender equality and not judging just by that. Like I stated in my blog, this has more to do with my own self-esteem and personal insecurities than anything else. I, personally, am much more comfortable with women docs then male, period. Does this mean that every male dr. is a misogynistic ass? Of course not, many women docs are that too. But if it comes down to me choosing who's face I put my crotch in (for medical purposes As for the "weird" name for vagina, Yoni means "sacred place". Infact, there is an awesome story in Breeder all about it, here's part of it, "Yoni means 'the gateway to nirvana' or 'sacred place'. The word 'vagina' is of Roman descent and means 'sheath for your sword'." Now, which one seems weirder to you? I don't consider yoni weird at all, I find it beautiful. BleuRoo Handcrafted Sweetness WOW. Thank you for the revelation about the terminology. I've always been pretty irritated by the word vagina mostly because it's not accurate for what I'm talking about (the whole vulva/vagina/upper thighs/pubic area.) But vulva wasn't exactly inspiring, either. I really like yoni. I'm going to go look up that story if I can find it. that looks a bit harsh and I don't mean to be harsh -- I just kind of feel like, at least personally, if I am into gender equality then gender should not play a role in my determination of how good a job someone should be able to do in any particular profession. Also I have been in enough free clinics and simply not had a choice enough times that I guess I have gotten over it... but not that I've encountered. My first pregnancy was with a male ob, granted it was in the deep south, but he was just awful. Cold and clinical and demeaning with the biggest f'in hands! My nurse prac was my primary caregiver and I was so resentful that she couldn't deliver me. With my second I had a male dr for the first part of my pregnancy-until we had a potentially devestating development which he handled with just really poor communication, bedside manner, etc. I switched to midwives and just about cried for how gentle and kind they were. Anyways, if you know you'll be more comfortable with a lady, keep on lookin! and had a very tough time finding a female ob down here in Mexico that fit my criteria (speaks some English, not too expensive, has delivered a lot of babies was basically it.) After going to a woman who I didn't cae bien with (spanish phrase for falling well or getting along) I ended up going to see the ob of my landlord. He's about 110 years old but I truly like him a lot because he shares a lot of my beliefs (even though he thinks I'm wacko for wanting to have a baby without an epidural) and even though he doesn't speak English...I just feel OK about him. It's just a feeling. Given the choice though, I would choose a woman over a man anyday.
Guadelajara? I met a med student who lives there who is delivering with a group called Plentitud that sounds pretty awesome. Sunflower the unflower I'm in Monterrey. Monterrey is actually famous for it's high c-section rates. I would imagine that further south in Mexico there are more birthing options...here is all about technology, faster, easier. I wrote in a post earlier this year and it's true, you actually can get a tummy tuck and have a baby and wrap the cost and the visit together.
and personally I feel just as uncomfortable with my ass in the air in a bright room with a female doc as a man. Actually, I have had a couple of really handsome docs with their heads between my legs, and I find it is always nice to have good scenery and a lively personality to joke with in that situation.
Yes, you're right about it being awkward no matter who's doing the looking!! Although, when I had my first exam at my OBs office now, it was with a midwife and it was the most comfortable I've ever been in that situation. She was an older woman with a very gentle voice and just soft demeanor. I imagine she'd be awesome during birth. BleuRoo Handcrafted Sweetness but she owns a freestanding birth center and you do a lot of the exams on a bed which is much better.
Our family doc right now is a man, and he delivered Nolen. Before that I had never had a pelvic exam by a male. I TOTALLY share your feelings that I think it's strange that a male would go into OB-Gyn nowadays- 30 years ago, as a surgical specialty, it was still very male dominant. That said, though, one of my favorite OB docs to do deliveries with at the hospital is male (though gay- maybe that has something to do with it?), and I chose our family doc by how wonderfully he interacted with patients and nurses during the deliveries I did with him. I think you can choose based on the person, not the gender. And I don't know how men view this, but when I'm doing any sort of physical exam, especially a pelvic exam, the last thing I'm thinking of is how nice or not nice the person's body is. But if you're not going to be comfortable being examined or talking to the doc about your health issues because he's a man, you should find yourself a good female doc instead. Where are you moving to? I might know someone to recommend... Yeah, I can understand how it's always been men in the past, considering the medical field has just always been male dominated. I guess now that there are so many options, midwives, NP, many female docs, it just surprises me that so many women still choose males over females. I know logically that drs aren't (usually) judging thier patients on every little physical aspect, but on a deeper level I just can't shake the fear. And again, that's really my hang-up, not the docs'. Although I think I'd still be uncomfy if I were happier with my body. We'll be moving to Panama City, FL. My sister knows a good nurse practioner there, but if you have any reccomendations that would awesome. Everyone I know go to men, so it's hard to get any feedback. BleuRoo Handcrafted Sweetness hmm...you know, i don't think i've ever been to a male obgyn. i have a male family dr now (better than none at all in this area) and "fired" my last one for being a mysoginistic ass. maybe he would have been a better proctologist. i think it depends entirely on the person and their approach (or lack there of) to patient care. |
), then I'm choosing a woman anyday. That's not my only criteria, but it's high on the list. 
the only rule my mom ever taught me about ob/gyn's is make sure they have small hands!! ha ha my first was a male and i have no problem going to males. my last 2 were female but you rotated so that whoever was on call when you went into labor you would at least know so even though my primary was a female i saw men as well. doesn't bother me at all.
Jessica
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~~Dr.Seuss