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what i need is a daily dose of dooce.Submitted by peculiar old bird on Wed, 04/02/2008 - 1:08pm.
I do a load of laundry every day. Sometimes two. It never ends. Really. Remember when I told you Bella’s skin cleared up? Well, that was true for about 8 days. She is not as itchy as she has been in the past, the antihistamines are working - a little - but she is also not 100%. And going back to my strict diet has proven to be as difficult as the first time around. Only, this time I know I can do it. Today is a new day. Despite Bella’s itching, she is always happy and playful. There is that to be thankful for. Seriously. Yesterday, I had lunch with a mama/sister-friend and her son. Then we trekked over to her place to let our boys play together. Play dates are filled with interrupted conversations, a few disputes between kids, and a sense of comradeship. I find I am happiest when I have a couple days a week out of the house. With Friends. Duh. I have decided that I can’t read blogs written by mommas who are not completely open about their mothering life. This means, for me, I need to read about the difficulties of mothering. It lets me know I am not alone. It does me no good to read about how lovely your life with children [ALWAYS] is. It does me no good to read about all the beautiful things you create with your children. Maybe when my kids are older I will go back to those blogs. I can’t read about the modern day June Clever and feel good about my own mothering. Those expectations (ie: yes, YOU TOO can be creative if only you WANT to be - look how agreeable everything is! Even when they're not!), are as emotionally restricting and damaging as those expectations placed on women in the days past. I have to reject it. Good on you if you have the self esteem to handle reading about how easy mothering is for someone else. You are a stronger woman than I. Give me the trench-stories alongside the beauty. Please. If you know of any blogs like this, let me know. I used to only want to read blogs by moms who parented "like" I do. I also used to think I would be happiest if I only spent time with women who have the same ideologies about parenting as I do. It has occurred to me that I am a better person when challenged. I am a better person because I am also friends with women who are completely different than I am. One of my main struggles in life is feeling righteous about ideas and beliefs I hold. Knowing a variety of personalities helps keep me grounded. This has apparently carried over to what I expose myself to literature-wise/blog-wise. Go figure. peculiar old bird's blog | login or register to post comments | email this page | printer friendly version
You are so not alone. I have long struggled with bloggers I have read since becoming a mommy who only share the positive of parenting. On one hand, I get wanting a sacred space where only the good stuff is shared. On the other hand... why the heck would I keep reading it if I'm not in the right frame of mind??? So, all in all, I encourage those bloggers to keep on spreading the light... but I just have to turn that switch off for now. Too bright. A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song. - Chinese Proverb cause all i do is vomit up words of how perfect my life is...
LOL! I know, you're such a perfect bitch I can't stand it! I love you B&B. And yes, it was wonderful eating normal. A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song. - Chinese Proverb Lets face it, those parents beaming at their perfection are blinded by their desire for perfection. Don't allow that crap into your life, it only makes you feel like shit and life is tough enough. I had a good friend that had this perfection issue big time with her kids, but it was so bad, I just had to stop talking to her. She was ardent in her perfection, she could not see how crappy she was treating other people. In all honesty, I feel really bad for these people who feel they aren't allowed to say it sucks to be a parent, because you have to say that sometimes. I was saying today as Lily was screaming to put undies on in a pizza parlor today and Ava was screaming back that she could borrow hers and actually started to take off her tights. These people that think you can be a perfect parent are so very wrong. Our kids learn more from our faults than our successes. You must live, not simply exist. POB, you are so badass and so strong. This is the highest compliment. I agree, it really helps to know that other womyn are "in the trenches" with you. It totally quells the feelings of isolation. that has to be disheartening. with you on the mom blogs. i have none to direct you to, actually. most of them out here are like you describe. makes me wonder what they're hiding. "One of my main struggles in life is feeling righteous about ideas and beliefs I hold. Knowing a variety of personalities helps keep me grounded. This has apparently carried over to what I expose myself to literature-wise/blog-wise. Go figure." The first line of that paragraph could describe me. Although I've changed sooooo much in that area, I still have a ton of growing to do. I used to be extremely judgemental about other people in general, and of course that was my projecting my own insecurities onto them. I will say that this site has been instrumental in opening my eyes up to that. I'm much more open to how other people think and live their lives. I also think a lot of that had to do with just getting older and maturing. Anyways, just wanted to say that struck a chord with me. And glad to hear Bella is doing better, I hope it's only up from here! BleuRoo Handcrafted Sweetness altho, truth ne told, all of your blogs are so great... You are a BETTER mom because you know yourself and your feelings. The worse mom pretends she loves staying home yet resents the hell out of her kids and partner. That is one thousand times over worse off for anyone involved. Your kids will not fault you for working, you are offering up another option for them: that they, too, can be an awesome parent, an amazing artist, and loving human being. My mum was a single working mother and I forever grateful for the example she paved for me. We must be true to ourselves, parent or not. You should be so proud of yourself, mama. I'm headed back to work and in talking to my grandmother about it, she told me, "look, when I was raising my kids, there was always other people taking care of other people's kids. Its been this way forever. Kids need their parents, yes, but they also need other people in their life. Let them go a bit, gain yourself back, and all is better." She had 8 boys, worked, and is a rockin' seamstress, so I take her word as gold. |
As if inherent mama guilt isn't enough, I notice that I often make excuses about why I don't do the things that I read about on some of the super parent blogs. At the same time, I wonder if I come across as one of those strive for perfection bloggers, because sometimes some self horn-tooting is what I need to stave off my daily insecurities that I'm an inferior parent. I think one thing that's important in this conversation is that we acknowledge those universal (I think) feelings of guilt or inadequacy about how we are raising our kids, and support each other as women and moms. Or am I the only one who crosses her fingers that the good I'm instilling in my kids will someday balance out with the not-so-good?