the doctor visit
I took ds2 to the doctors for a check up yesterday. I'm not sure why I did this, but I think my logic was that if anything were to happen and he were to get sick, they would have (somewhat of) a record of his health. His first visit was when he was 1 week old, and his second was yesterday. He is 14 months old. I don't have much faith in doctors, especially since all of my children are very healthy and I don't really see any need for doctors until the possible day that they might not be so healthy any more.
Some of you might remember that I posted about a staph infection that L had that started as a diaper rash just a week or so ago. Well, I made that almost completely go away with goldenseal and a few other things. So, there wasn't too much to discuss with the doctor - she went over the basic milestones that kids his age should be capable of, and the one that jumped out at her was obvious to me. L doesn't really say many words yet, and instead just mimics us with noises like humming sounds. Now, I know that at 14 months old, there is nothing wrong with this. But, it was obvious to me that it had sent of some kind of doctor alarms off in her head because she had this whole long list of questions to ask me as follow up. It was irritating and made me question my instincts and by the time I left there I had convinced myself not to come back for a long time because of how it made me feel. In the end, she said that he was fine and healthy, and she was surprised at his height (90th percentile), and seemed alarmed by his weight (50th percentile). Seriously, he weighs 23lbs at 14 months. Do doctors not think that we can sense their concern and worry? For all of that money that they make, can't someone train them to not show their concern and unnecessarily alarm parents? I mean, if L wasn't my 3rd child, I would have been really concerned about my completely healthy baby!
On a side note, I told SO about all of the questions around him not saying many words yet - and SO reminded me that music is really L's first language, and when he mimics us talking with humming sounds, he is just singing what we said. I love this idea and I definitely see it.
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You know your L best, mama. Don't doubt yourself or let this get you down. Some docs can be great, other shit. Sorry you had to deal with this. You've raised two other kids fantastically, keep that in mind. Doctors really need to be trained better in people skills, IMHO.
You must live, not simply exist.
when clem was a babe we switched to a doc who does not call to remind us of our appointments. we missed her 4 months well baby check up and never went back. she's 2.5 now. sometimes i feel guilty for not bringing her in, but i am also so grateful that she is healthy. i dont remember the last time Q saw the doc.
i used to be concerned with the growth charts and doctor specified milestones, but now i feel really ambivialnt towards them. i know my kids are healthy and happy, so what else matters?
i keep thinking about bringing clem in because she is slow to taking up language, but she is learning and speaking... its just on her own time.
Bc the fledge was born at home, she never saw a doctor. Then I moved to the city and she was getting a lot of colds. . . so I thought (for the exact same reasons as you) that I should take her in for a check up. What a huge waste of time! Despite everything I know about what makes a kid healthy, I left so all paranoid and anxious (about language, weight, height, vaccinations etc). Fortunately, like you, I also recovered quickly. But what really gets me super depressed about my visit is it reinforced the very sad fact that doctors make their living by finding disease in their patients - even from day one. Anyway, I'm so glad I have an amazing family nurse now who really truly looks for the good and is all about boosting the parents confidence. She knows that this is how to keep kids healthy!
Like the other docs mentioned, I would have my red flags up if someone didn't bring their child in for well baby checks- not because there's anything inherently wrong with it, just that the usual situation that prompts infrequent visits is one of social chaos, not one of parental experience and health. I have seen some horrifying preventable problems in kids- recurrent respiratory infections from smoke exposure, entire mouths of cavities from putting soda in a bottle, kids horribly delayed in language because the parent didn't realize that the kid couldn't hear, etc, and common among all of those situations has been infrequent care. (Of course I'm not seeing the healthy kids that don't come in for well checks, so my view is skewed). I don't know if the doctor you saw made a value judgment about whether you bring your kids in or not- my take is that most of the time kids develop normally and are healthy, and our jobs as doctors is to reassure about what is normal, reinforce positive parenting, and detect anomalies if/when they crop up. We're not all in it for the money, some of us actually want to help people!
It is a really good point, and I really forget that there's this whole other world out there. But my mom and best friend (both nurses) see it every day, and dh's special ed students (now 12-15 yo)are very much the product of the neglect you're talking about. I worked in the ER for 6 years too, and I saw all the frequent fliers, and I understood why the docs and nurses treated them like they did (not well). But I STILL think there is room for a major overhaul in how we view health in this nation. And I wish med school and doctors could take the lead. I do believe they really want to help, but there's still so much that gets in the way! [and imho that has a lot to do with how we train health professionals in the first place]
Ike hasn't been to a well baby visit since he was 11 months old (he is almost 4 now). He was last at the doc almost 2 years ago. I guess we would go more often if he ever got more than a 2 colds and regular fevers a year. I did try a homeopathic practitioner for awhile when we were dealing with poop issues, but we no longer have those problems.
I don't see anything wrong with 90/50 for your sons percentile, I would check the chart yourself and keep an eye on him to make sure he isn't dramatically dropping, but chalk the rest up to different stages in growth. By all means, go to your appointments if you wish, but go armed with the knowledge that going to the doc for your kid is almost ALWAYS a mind game.
On the whole non-verbal thing...
I come from the standpoint that our medical society often overreacts to the range of children's development. Ike is still struggling with his verbal skills at almost 4. I had some speech issues that worked themselves out, and dh was a slow talker as a child as well. Not really interested in having the obvious pointed out by a GP (or have a doomsday, wide eyed "your NOT vaccinating???"). Patience and exercises have and will improve his speech.
Peace mama.
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