I told my houseguest don't ever bring anybody home. My bomb shelter apartment is way too small. I clean and clean and clean and it looks like I sit on the couch all day. My girls run around looking like Buckwheat half naked running through spilled chocolate milk and drawing all over the walls. we gave John the other bedroom, now we have a kingsized mattress in our living room because we gave the girls our room. There is no room to walk in this place. So what does this guy do? He brings a chick to my apartment. I tell him no. I said I already told him this, fuck off with your breaking my house rules and disrespecting my home with your unemployed and not even looking ass. I didn't say that, but I should have. This was after I locked him out and he crawled through his bedroom window. I would not budge. I clean the kitchen furiously cussing him under my breath while he hangs out in the back yard. As I clean, I start to feel guilty because my middle name is Doormat, and I send my husband out to get them and invite them in. Shes quite lovely, way too young and punkrock. Shes smart and traveled and sweet and personable. way out of his league and thirteen years his junior. I go to look for my cat when I realize my cats are missing. Buster ass drifter left the bedroom window open. I am livid. Okay, super stoner- this has crossed the line. I am now in full bitch mode while I command that he finds my cats. My old man leaves, drifter leaves and I of course stay inside with kids and hoping the cats come back. While I do, I am making small talk with this nervous girl. And I find out everything. Her "rockstar" 40 year old boyfriend got tired of her not pulling her own weight, so he kicked her out into the streets. She is staying with some creepy guy that she met at the bar that offered her shelter and loaned her a couple hundred dollars. As soon as she moves in her first night, this guy starts to become really affectionate. well of course. shes shaken and doesn't understand why this middle aged seemingly cool guy who she told is wounded by her boyfriend and not looking for a new relashionship would do this. How hes exposing himself to her and as the days have progressed, hes getting more and more irritated that she is leaving and doing things with friends and is talking about how hes starting to feel taken advantage of. I am listening. I am mad. I am mad at The Drifter, I am mad at this guy, I am mad at men. This girl who is just past a teenager herself is crying in my livingroom as I am trying to tell her that this guy is a predator, and your "boyfriend" is a piece of shit, especialy after you told him what was happening and he has filed it under not my problem over rent money when he knew he was hooking up with a then teenage girl and he was freaking thirty eight. I listen to her telling me about how shes fending off her "roomate" because shes on her period amd I remember how helpless and lonely and scared I was at that age having no family and ho resources and no skills to pay my bills and how I was having to sometimes resort to survival sex to make it, afraid something worse would happen to me on the streets in a city with no public transit, freezing. Women judged the shit out of me and snubbed me. The only people that ever seemed intrested in me were men. And they were always so sweet and so cool and so understanding as they offered assistance to me, and scoffed at my "friend" who is not speaking to me because all of a sudden when I rejected his advances I was in the wrong and I could leave. And then they would do the same thing. Sometimes they would sneak up on me in the middle of the night, naked. The only people with the exception of once that cared if I ever had a roof over my head were guys that wanted something from me. Nobody cared for a long time. I was always somebody elses problem. Including my family, everybody always assumed somebody else would let me stay with them until I got back on my feet. Problem was pretty much everybody thought that, everybody passed the buck. Thats how I started stripping. So I could be free of that. I wouldn't have to depend on anybody, answer to anybody.One guy I was staying with at seveneteen threw away one of each of my shoes when he found out I wasn't intrested.

I did not start dancing because I liked acrylic heels and Korn. The world is not safe for women. It still pisses me off to this day that a guy who can't even read with a criminal record and drugs in his pee can get off his dead ass and go and get a laboring position in a construction comapany and while he may not be able to go on vacation or drive a mustang, he can instantly become self sufficiant. Just because of their physical nature and the godgiven ability to lift more than us. They can move furniture, they can make enough to feed themselves and stay dry. Women? hellfuck no. Unless you are lucky to get a good waitressing job, wih no skills comming from a dysfunctional family, a chaotic background - oh man. Its a struggle like nobodys business. school is a luxury to alot of people, and you gotta eat and have walls during that time, and gas money and dishsoap and tampons and the energy after aquiring all those things to study.

The world is not safe for women.

I was watching a documentry called 'Crystal Darkness' about meth and this girl looked right at the camera and said to parents of girls, "You have no idea how many predators there are out there." And I couldn't agree more.

Without a decent family, a young girl in this world can be a sitting duck at eighteen, nineteen. She has to rely on luck sometimes.

My husband has no degree and makes four times as much as I am capable of making with mine and it all started with him being phsicaly capable for construction. I can't do what he does. Nor could any other woman that I know.

So before we met, he was paying his bills, living by himself watching cable in the air conditioning while I was dancing so that I could make ends meet.

I asked her why we don't just go and get her stuff and she never has to see this creepy guy again. She feels guilty, of course. She feels bad because he bought her food and loaned her money and hes "really not that bad." Of course I see right into her sex abuse past. I see the Stokholm syndrome. I see how she doesn't really count as a person because shes been conditioned by whoemever put his dity grubby hands on her first in her formitive years and it went from there.

Girls don't move to vegas when they are fifteen by themselves because of great parenting desicions.

She says she will most liekly move in tomorow, which is today and my husband and myself will be in the bedroom with all three of our kids again, but I think its worth it.

They drove her "home" last night, against my husbands better judgement. The Drifter tries to kiss her! On the way back he layed into John who was trying to put the mack on her. What does he not understand? This girl tells you all of this, you are witness to all of this maddening trauma that includes tears - and he shakes his his head in agreement. and has disgusted looks on his face when told about this guy shes staying with, and yet what is concerened with most?

Hooking up with her. Getting laid. When its all said and done, hes still intrested in her for completly selfish reasons. But I am sure its in a completly diffrent way, just like every other guy thats nice to her. They aren't creepy, everybody else is. They are good guys and comming onto her when she is more or less cornered is appropriate, because they'd make a great couple.

John heard an earful and got a reality check last night. I am not afraid to kick his ass out.

The world is not safe for women.
Men are pigs.

The cats came back.
They smelled like garbage.