to get the low down on what is going on with your mom. sadly, i relate to some of it. i would ask you, when you talked about it with your therapist, what did she say about how to cope with going there and not seeing her?

i can say from personal experience that i avoided doing things like this, because they felt like avoiding people whose bullshit i needed to learn to deal with, and that felt like the coward's way out. then at some point it dawned on me that my life is my own, my time is my own, my road trips are my own, and i'm perfectly entitled to have a fun relaxing time on them. i'm under no obligation to endure some shit from some toxic people, simply because i can't change the fact that they're crazy, etc. there are family obligations: funerals, etc, and those are the times when you can buck up and accept that weird crazy malevolent people are there, but road trips where my family is supposed to have a leisurely time is not among them. so, i began to set out on my outings with the objective in mind and if the objective is fun, i don't involve decidedly unfun people. period. and then what happened was that i realized that what i was doing with this is actually growing up and behaving like the autonomous adult that i am. i was asserting that my time is my own, etc. i'd like to say that it ended happily, but in truth those excessively toxic people totally misread my intentions and distorted my "avoiding" them into something else, but that's their problem. i feel much more adult now. which is nice, being that i'm pushing 40 and all... no rush...

i hope it works out for you, i have to say i agree with your therapist. do it. force yourself and if you're afraid that you will feel guilty, face that fear head on, because if you don't, you will always be dragging yourself and your family to her, presenting yourselves for more abuse. breaking it off with her is a great idea, imho.

Out of left field... I am all about symbolism and I am all about protecting number one or I wouldn't have cut my mother out of my life for years. Heres my soloution. Once, when I was in a situation as yours, I left my mom a really beautiful plant on her front porch. Thats it. That way, I was thinking about her. I mean, for chrissakes it was thought out, I had to go to the store, I had to spend my money, I had to go out of my way. I felt good about it. It was like I was still thinking about my mother, the one that I had when I was small that was tolerable 60% of the time, sweet 10% of the time. It was like the plant represented peace and hope and respect, but I didn't have to talk to her, I didn't have to see her because even though there is a part of me thats always going to have a little bit of unconditional love for my mom, theres a bigger part of me that is smart enough to know I need my wits about me and her garbage hurts me and then I ended up not functioning in all my capacities and it keeps on going.

I haven't read the other posts about your mom, but i totally hear you.
Be good to yourself and your needs. Your mom is just a person, and if you had to choose her as a friend would you?
I like to think that the people in life that we have the most issues/problems with are our greatest teachers. Look for the lesson (i mean if you want to, when you're ready) but by no means are you obligated to see her, hang with her, stretch yourself in any way that you cannot handle.
just **Breathe**