Derails

I guess I'll be the first to comment... I have never had an issue with men being here on this board until recently when I thought to myself, "if this was a board called 'hip papa' would i waltz in on their conversations?" and my answer to that is no. i wouldn't. i wish there was a hip papa message board for the ten men out there who want to talk about parenting issues. sarcasm, i know, but i really feel like this.

i want men to discuss parenting. and it really isn't my issue to fight for that. why hasn't anyone created a papa space???

yeah, i think if you intended for this sight to include the male sex, it should have been named, hip parents. and i can assure you this would not be the same space it is today. maybe it would be better. or worse. i don't know. what i do know is that i come here to "speak" with other women. not men. there are A MILLION AND ONE spaces in this world where men can express themselves freely. this space is one for me. and i don't want one or a few men to ruin that for other women or myself.

i used to be neutral on this issue, like i said. but now i realize why a separate space for men is needed. when you really want to hang with your sister-friends, make plans to have some quality time with them... do you want their male partner around, too? i don't. i feel censored with men around. like, i don't want them to know my truths and i don't think they can handle truth from me without feeling defensive or uncomfortable.

if men start posting here in droves, i'd have to rethink this blog as a space in my life.

A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song. - Chinese Proverb

I go back and forth. I want men to have a great place to talk about parenting with and without women. I used to think "why not men here?"

On the other hand a lot of women in this community are not comfortable with the idea of a man and I think that unless the community tendency is to welcome men then it's better to make a separate place for them or send them on, whatever. Granted, we can't keep men from reading or from pretending to be women and joining in the fun, but for the good of the group I would tend to let the group decide if this is "hip mama" or "hip parents". I usually read the responses to men in our midst to be strongly "men aren't mama's".

THere are a ton of places men can go to discuss parenting. I don't go to them because the male/female dynamics don't always work for me, or because the two tend to do a lot of "I have it harder" or whatever. I also don't like to make male online friends for some reason, though I like them in real life. I know men have a lot of issues and parenting issues. That's great.

Last thing - when I bitch about my husband here so I don't have to do it with people who know him or in front of my son I don't want to get a ton of crap about men stuff - I am venting. I am venting somewhere with women. I don't want male advice. I don't want male commentary and most importantly, I don't want to have to not write it or sugarcoat it so that I don't upset some man. Men are people, but I have enough trouble dealing with women.

well, in no particular order:
i feel like it's more about the presentation than the testicles. when a man comes here for reasons that seem less than sincere, i guess i do jump on it. much quicker than when i get the same vibe from a woman. if he introduces himself as oh i dunno, just for example, trying to get a better understanding of his "crazy" ex because she used to post here, i feel free to run that person off. much like we ran off the mother of a hipmama who came here to piss in her daughter's yard and make her feel uncomfortable and passive aggressively pick fights with her daughter over the net.

we've been talking about who we are comfortable being here for years now, and it's pretty much split between the include-males and the let's-not-include-males, for a variety of reasons. i am on the latter side of the scale. and i guess it's mainly because when men come here, they are much less frequently here for sharing the experience of parenting and seeking advice. they seem more eager to give the advice than receive it.... i guess i read more of a parental (toward us) feel to their posts... hmm... i will have to think on that.

but if a guy comes and lays it all out, telling us exactly who he is, i actually don't have as much of a problem with it. he will either fit in here based on who he is, or not. the testicles need not be an issue.

but i also feel like there are are plenty of mixed-gender sites, and so few for women. when i want to interact with mixed company, i know where i can go to do that. i come here to be amongst women. but that's me.

i'm softening on the issue as i ripen here. i've learned over the years what should have been obvious all along, but i was slow about it: people can, and often do, misrepresent themselves. someone you've come to "know" online as a mother could very well be a man. maybe even one you mention here who realized they'd get a much warmer reception if they were female. over the years, i've learned that people can claim to be all kinds of things here, and we have little choice but to trust it. and taken in perspective, whether someone has testicles is not that big a deal.

OK, I'm gonna let it rip 'cause this one has me irked. It's about the presentation not the gender. I'm convinced that the recent posts by this so-called man we are all referring to, is in fact a hipmama in disguise to get us all riled up. I mean really, could anyone other than a hipmama come up with such an irritating and controversial bio and comments to introduce himself to the site? But I'm most annoyed by the fact that he seems to have it all figured out and calls himself "Superdad". If life is that damn easy for you, than Jesus seems to be working for you just fine. You don't need hm's help!

you don't read hm for a week or so and then this. Someone pm me this "bio" I am completley intrigued....