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starting to wonder a little about my three year oldSubmitted by Emile on Fri, 01/25/2008 - 2:39pm.
J turned three in November, and we still can't really communicate with him. I know he understands us when we talk to him, and sometimes he'll perform a simple request, such as throwing something in the trash, but he's more likely to ignore us and refuse to make eye contact if we're asking him to do something, or speaking firmly. He can say at least 400 hundred words (I kept a list at one point), probably more, but he almost never uses them, and when he does it's almost always just as a single word. When he does put words together, it's usually just a phrase, something like "down the slide". The only declarative sentence I've heard him say is "It's a bug". When he does string words together, he does it in a very slurred way -- "can I have this?" always comes out as "kabbitz?". When he is thwarted in any way, he screams piercingly. Every time this happens, I try to say patiently, "can you tell me what's wrong using words?" No results yet. I have no qualms about his intelligence -- I see him do all kinds of problem solving all the time. He is also very social (when he's not being told what he can't do). He loves being around people and part of groups, and is very affectionate and snuggly, and is actually a little bit too inclined to hug strangers and to attach himself to other families and try to leave the playground with them. The thought that he may be somewhere on the autistic spectrum has been floating in the back of my mind for the past year or so, but the fact that he is so tactile generally dispels this. But then he'll do something that makes me wonder again, like the other night when he got a hold of a bucket of wooden clothes pins and spent about 20 minutes carefully placing them next to each other, making a beautiful sunburst pattern with them. When I saw it, I thought "wow!", then hmm. Some people in my family have unhelpfully suggested that his language delays may be due to him still nursing -- that he still thinks of himself as a baby. I don't know what to think. At his check up 5 months ago, his doctor said that his language skills were within the range of normal, but only just, and the progress since then is barely discernible. Part of me thinks he's just developing at his own pace, and another part wants to call in all the medical specialists out there. We live in NY state, where the cut off age for school is Dec 31, which that since he's turning 4 this calendar year, he's eligible to start pre-k in September, and I just can't visualize him being ready by then, when I can't even have a conversation with him. I know the obvious thing is just tell all my concerns to his doctor when I see her next month, and I will, but I just wanted to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening. Thanks for your advice and support mamas. You guys are the best. I'll keep you posted. and although I am slightly worried about Ike, I am not worried that he isn't going to catch up. He is now 3 years and 8 months and he is just NOW starting to catch up. Ike has always been good at mechanical things, good at numbers, very social...he just has the communication skills of a 2 year old. Kids are not like trains. They can be late at every stop along the way and still make it to the destination on time. Sorry, I might be biased, but he just sounds intelligent and strong willed. I say try the preschool, you can always pull him if it doesn't work.
check with the school system. After all the red flags her doctor thought she saw, I enrolled kiddo in public school pre-k and let them come up with their diagnois.I did not even mention that her doctor thought she saw some red flags.Or that she thought I should have requested that she should be tested. I let the teacher come up with her own diagnois. She did see some red flags-but the teacher and the doc were not on the same page.Kiddo had some group speech therapy and she is doing great in kindergarden now. Ava was a late talker and after discussing it with her pediatrician, she suggested Early Intervention. I set up the home interview and as the intake counselor was asking dh and I questions, Ava in clear as day English says, "Hello, I'm Ava. How are you?" DH and I almost passed out there. But, what I am getting at is, use and exhaust your resources. I had grave reservations about even talking to my pediatrician, but once I did, I felt so relieved. And then to work with EI was very helpful. I'm not sure how NY works, but in MA you pay based on your income level. I wish you luck and we're hear to listen. does NY have an early intervention program? My MIL is a school counselor and is a huge fan of this. I think it is free, and it will get your child therapy (speech, occupational, or whatever) if necessary. At the very least I think you could get a free evaluation that may ease your mind a bit. my two and a half year old has not really developed her language skills. i have often felt like really soon she was just gonna start speaking sentences, but she hasn't really. her comprehension is strong. she is very physicaly active, tactile, affectionate. she participates in groups well, but can also play alone.she communicates her emotions well through body language.she has an older sister who has always spoken up for all her needs-desires, therefore the little one doesn't really need to say "i want juice" her sister already did and they both got juice. she is just strange enough in some ways that both my husband and i have wondered at times if she is always gonna be a little quirky like that. maybe on the spectrumn. who knows. i think the spectrumn is constantly shifting, as well as those peole on the spectrumn. it is difficult to know how to follw your mothering instincts when they say both "my child is wonderful and beautiful and a silly child" and "perhaps my child has difficulites we can address." i dont know. i haven't brought my daughter to the doctor in quite some time because she has been healthy in every other way. sometimes i do think about speech therapy or preschool helping her. i think once she takes on some independence from both her parents and her big sister, she will probably take on more language skills. because not quite knowing what's going on can be worse - if there is something going on there is likely help to be had. And your school system should provide it for free in most cases. My son was born 3 months early and has had either physical or occupational therapy most of his life (he's 3 now), mostly for fairly mild gross motor issues. And while we were reluctant to start physical and/or occupational therapy it felt better once we did - it seemed like it could help and we were addressing the issue. My experience with getting "experts" involved is mixed overall. Some people are so helpful and some aren't. Some of them always want my son in every therapy they can squeeze him into although he often has never had problems/issues/difficulties in those areas. So we have to sort through the ideas and figure out what's what. I think the hardest part for me is that the "experts" are always looking for something wrong with my son and it's easy to "find" something you are looking for even if it's not there...and this idea that some of them have that my child is flawed or imperfect or that I caused it somehow - when the truth is he is an amazing kid, as perfect as any other and he needs some extra help with his gross motor stuff. On the other hand, kids are all different and development is different in each child. The main reason I would suggest getting your son checked out is because you are concerned. Your doc will surely be able to point you in the right direction. And if you don't like the answers you get see someone else - multiple opinions can be confusing, but none of it is black and white and you know your kid better than any expert ever will. is to tell you to follow your instincts... sounds like you are pretty aware. I hope the Dr.s can help you figure it out. we've got to let love rule but this was me last year. I had/have a very smart boy who can't put his words together. He was diagnosed on the spectrum this summer and is now in a special ed preschool. Basically a regular public preschool that he's taken out of for different therapies. My advice to you is to get a referral from your ped to see a neurologist. You will take some simple tests(they might have you bring him in) and they can tell from there if they need to go any further. It's simple and can get the thoughts out of your head if it leads to nothing. Good luck and please keep us posted. Feel free to PM me with any questions you may have. |
Hi Emile, I'm not a doctor, however... I have worked with children that have special needs for 5 years. Speech and language disorders, and children with autism primarily. I live and work in California, where we have a division in our public school systems called "early intervention". If you think your child has an issue you should call your school district and ask if they also have this department. In California all children can be asessed for special needs even before pre-school begins. I would imagine that New York has something similar to offer.
One suggestion I have for you when your child is upset, happy, sad, excited etc,... that you help him identify his emotion. For example if he was crying you could model "Your feeling sad because you hurt your knee." Providing the example for your child gives him something to work with. He may correct you or agree with you. Either way he hears the language and he may identify his feelings on his own next time. I do have a chart of sounds that are developmentally appropriate for your child to be making at his age, but i don't have it on me!!! Darnit! I'll get it though or i'm sure you can look it up online.
But, yeah, you should look into early intervention, then a licensed professional can asess your child and if needed they can show you how to start working with him. Early Intervention is free in CA as well. I think it falls into the Americans with Disabilities Act. Look into a Head Start Program, even if your above income qualifications for the program, if your child is diagnosed with a special need you are automatically qualified. Head Start has awesome inclusion classes!
Take care, I hope that was helpful!