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Confused and Seeking AdviceSubmitted by lana on Wed, 01/02/2008 - 9:08pm.
We moved from Indiana to Portland 2 years ago. My husband (then boyfriend) and I had both lived in Indiana our whole lives and were aching to get away. I love Portland (except for the gray, wet, nasty weather we've had for the past month or so). My husband loves Portland. There is so much to do here (beach, mountains, good music scene, arts etc.), I have a good job, the kid can go to a good public school in a few years, the husband loves school and when he's finished he'll have a lot of job opportunities. The first year we lived here I was totally happy and wouldn't have given moving back a second thought. But ever since I visited over the summer, I've been longing to go home. My dad and step-mother were here for Christmas, and ever since they left I've been so depressed. I miss my dad and my friends (three of whom are like sisters) like crazy. My dad is getting older, and it makes me ponder, is it more important to be in a place that you love, or with the people that you love? Sometimes I think, my dad is not going to live forever. At some point he will be gone, and I'll have my whole life to move to new and exciting places. Shouldn't I be spending the time he does have left with him? Plus, as awesome at Portland is, it's so hard to make friends. I mean, I have made a lot of friends. But it just isn't the same as friendships you've had since you were practically a kid. I'm a really social person, and I do hang out with people here, but again, it's just not the same. But I go back and forth. Indiana means hot, sticky, humid summers and long, slushy, cold winters. Boring weekends at the one good bar with the same old people. No jobs. Tricky school options. Lots of scary fundamentalist conservatism. So, what would you do? I know exactly what you're talking about. I do it myself and I hate it. You have to be a part of someone's life to be their friend and they won't let you in so how can you be part of their life? It was weird moving away; everyone wanted to be friends! (I'm from Seattle) And I think I came across as a stuck up bitch when I lived in CA and in TX; people were always wanting to hang out and acting weird when I needed space. I can't really answer that question for you about whether to stay or go... it sounds like your options are better up here; professionally and academically. But being away from family and friends is so very hard... I had to come home; but then, home is up here, and had better options in addition to being where my family was. I'm also in Pdx. Nice to meet you. I also recently moved from the midwest, tho I'm still in the phase of wanting to write my old town a letter describing why it sucked. LOL. I'm sorry you are missing family. That hurts, and it sounds like you had some great friends. Can you possibly add up the costs of moving back and allocate that money towards more phone calls and visits? ***the United States is one of only four out of 168 countries studied to not have some form of paid family leave for new moms. We join Swaziland, Papua New Guinea, and Lesotho in not having that policy in place. *** Nice to meet you too! |
it's been five years, and i'm thinking i'm here for the long haul - the sf bay area, not portland. i miss my sisterfriends something fierce, and i really wish they and my ma and all the wee sisterfriendspawn cousins could be part of my dd's daily life. we usually manage to back once a year for a visit, and if i'm really lucky, i get visits from them out here, too.
they all alternate between understanding why i'm here and pestering me about moving back there. well, except my ma - she just pesters 'cuz she doesn't understand why i live here in the first place.
even when i am missing them most, though, i cannot envision myself moving back. each day was a slogging battle against suffocation in the midwest, and i'm not thinking it'd be any less so now than it was five years ago. plus, it would take some serious mess for me to opt to put my daughter through the kind of isolation, deprivation, and marginalization that i grew up with there and that she'd be essentially guaranteed to be faced with to an even greater degree.
that said, my sisterfriend who lived in socal for a year while attending grad school decided to move back, kids in tow and degree incomplete, to take care of her great grandmother in her final years. she doesn't regret it, though she misses the many resources not available to her there.
"if i pass for other than what i am, do you feel safer?" ~ lani ka'ahumanu
dragon knows dragon