The kid is 6 weeks old! I want to share the story of his beautiful homebirth. I feel like I grew so close to my midwife, and look forward to keeping in touch with her over the years. Here's our xmas pic and the story :

At midnight as Friday passed into Saturday, November 17th, I went into labor with Raiden Dio. Here's how that day started:

That Friday morning I was 39 weeks pregnant. I woke up from a night of very productive painful contractions about every two hours. I was showing much pre-labor activity. Lots of mucousy bloody show tinged with bright red, so it seemed like I was losing my mucous plug and dialating a little. I also had superwoman bursts of nesting activity all week. None of it had launched into a chain of no return though. The next few days were a bit of a landmine for labor. Saturday night, my dad, grandma, and sister were arriving to stay a whole week at my house (my mom was already staying here). That's a crowded house for a home birth. On Sunday was my 31st birthday and I didn't want to spend it in pain or share it. I hoped with all my heart to birth in the next 24 hours before their arrival, or not til Monday. My day was busy: I had a midwife appointment with Melanie at 11am, then the toy library (to return stuff), and the vet (to drop off Star, the stray cat we're rescuing, for her treatment). I took my mom and DD. They played at the park near Melanie's house during my appointment. In the afternoon, just my mom and I went to the nail salon down the street and got spa pedicures. I got baby pink, and enjoyed a relaxing massage from the fancy chair as well.

By Friday night, I was back on the couch, while my mom put DD to sleep. It was just before midnight, the new day of Saturday, November 17th before us. I got a late evening hunger attack and ate a bunch of snacks; pear pudding that my mom baked, followed by a tangerine, a bunch of mixed nuts, and ending in a bowl of 3 different scoops of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. It's like the ice cream flipped a switch on, I started having crazy frequent contractions. After about three of them, I decided to time them, glancing at my laptop clock while I was blogging on one of my mama sites. To my surprise, they were lasting a minute long, and occurring every two minutes. Some were every 3 or 4 minutes, but always a full minute long from start to finish. I wanted to wait at least an hour, as per instructions. I started to feel pressure in my butt, which turned out to be poop. Still had snotty bloody show. But I could still talk through the contractions, though they were making me breathe heavy and moan a little.

After the poop, things got a notch more intense. I seemed to be experiencing one long neverending contraction that's a 6 out of 10 on the pain scale, I judged. I continued to post little updates to my "preggo mama status report" blog. After another poop (after which I cleaned the toilet), a bath (where I scrubbed the bath crayon off the tub), and a nice fire in the fireplace made by DH, I was still contracting for a good minute every 2 to 4 minutes, with a dull ache in between. A little after 1am I woke my mom up and told her I think I might be in real labor. At every peak I wanted to call Melanie NOW now NOW already, in between I felt like it's all done and I should just sleep for the night. I decided that I'd call Melanie if things didn't stop by 1:30. The ache would always build up into another doozy.... I couldn't even blog anymore and decided that I was actually in labor...

I was scrunched down on the floor by DD's train table in the living room when I called Melanie and reported that for an hour and a half I'd been having minute long contractions every 2 to 4 minutes. She said she had awoken at around 1am with a feeling that I might be in labor (right around when I'd been thinking "call NOW.") Katie showed up very soon after that, and Melanie came in at 2am. DH had gone to rev up the hot tub at some point, because the temperature of the water was too cold. When Melanie walked in I was moaning and the contractions were reaching a 7 out of 10 in pain. She checked on the baby with the doppler, and settled in quietly. My mom had gotten up by this point, and took care of everyone's hot tea or snack needs.

For about an hour I paced around the living room. I changed the tunes playing on the iPod from Imogen Heap to Gotan Project. DH changed it one more time to my favorite Arabic oud musician Anouar Brahem. At one point I still thought I wanted to hear Silent Screams by Judas Priest, on the big tv, with the trippy visuals on. The thought came and went with a contraction probably. The fire was nice in the fireplace. The most painful part of that hour in the living room was after Melanie checked my dilation (4-5cm) and said that my cervix was all the way back and she'd need to pull my cervix forward so that the baby's head would be right up against it. This would make my contractions more effective. This process lasted through about two contractions and really hurt. I got really high pitched during this part, and ran off to the bathroom to pee as soon as it was over. After this, I alternately lay on the couch, stood over the arm of it, or just sat. Katie helped by pressing on my back. DH helped by holding my hips firmly.

Finally the hot tub was ready. It was at 90 degrees, which I pronounced good enough for me. My dilation was declared about 6 or 7 so it was the perfect time to go in. I made the quick journey to the bathroom to search for a bathing suit before another contraction could get me. I found some old bottoms I wouldn't mind messing up, and my pretty fancy Victoria's Secret bikini top. DH added Vanilla scent to the hot tub and I climbed into the warm, lightly bubbling & swirling water. It was just this side of warm enough, but during the hour I was in there, it rose to the most perfect 95 or so. Labor slowed just a little in the beginning. I had one contraction right away, the next waited about 5 minutes while I relaxed, but pretty soon the train started running fast again. It was so nice to be completely immersed in warm water up to my neck. I tried some great positions; sitting and reclining slightly on the lounge chair sculpted part of the tub; sitting up with one leg hanging over the middle; squatting in the middle deepest part, with my hands and shoulders floating loosely; floating on my belly, with my forehead against the corner, holding on to a bar with one hand. This position was the best, because the humming of the bubble motor got right in to my head and helped me zen out into the contraction and become one with it.

I had taken off my glasses, so the forms standing on the deck above me were just shadows against the dim porch light. My mom remarked that she felt like they were all witches (watching over a bubbling cauldron, presumably). Melanie brought me water to drink, and checked on the baby's heartbeat a couple of times while I stood to keep my belly above water. I loved how she was able to get as close as possible, despite the awkward access to me in this hot tub in the corner of our deck. I loved this quiet malleability of her role as midwife. The memory of her perfect presence throughout labor (and during my entire prenatal care really) brings tears to my eyes, and that swell of emotional ache in my stomach, and a feeling of love and respect. She was like the perfect knowledgeable angel guiding my baby and I through the birth.

Any time their talking cut through my consciousness, I let my moaning take over and become the dominant force in the air. I remember this sense of propriety over the airspace from my first birth too. I would get drawn into the sound of others talking, then start to be jealous that I wasn't free & outside of the pain (and petty fear that I was being forgotten & de-centralized), then a contraction would hit and low moaning filling my ears and jaw was a way to refocus inward, bringing the energy of the people there back into me. In a deeper symbolic sense, there's something there about my mom's chatty nature and my assertion of dominance as the new alpha-mother in the moment. But there's also just the simple dealing with a lot of pain.

A few of the contractions were starting to feel different by the end of what turned out to be about an hour of hot tub time. They reached this sudden sharper level, a 9 of 10 maybe, in their downward insistency which manifested in even lower, growlier sounds from me. It was really the feeling of a whole baby head beginning to engage in a fully open cervix. Melanie & Katie picked up on this right away, and suggested we move inside after the next contraction.

I got out into my ratty old robe and another towel and walked across the cold deck supported by Katie as another contraction started to take my legs with it. I walked through it and got myself to the bathroom for one last good pee, and tried to struggle out of my wet suit, back into at least my tank top. I lay hugging my body pillow on the ground in my robe for a couple of contractions.

We checked dilation and I was 10 with a small lip of cervix left. I was now on the birth stool in front of the couch, basically waiting for the push feeling to arrive. It took another painful contraction of Melanie pushing aside that lip of cervix for me to get to the stage where I could safely push. I tried not to push at all during the contraction where she adjusted the cervix. She said pushing against it now would make it swell and then it wouldn't be productive. I pulled all my wits together to wrap my brain around this concept. I tried to relax as much as possible, especially my shoulders. Melanie always noticed when I had tense shoulders. I spent that next contraction trying to simply fully relax and let it pass through me.

I couldn't really believe we were at the pushing stage. I hadn't expected things to go so fast. It was intense and the contractions so productive we just passed into each hour like a fast train. I never got stuck at any point. When I was pushing against the bit of cervix I didn't feel like I was moving the baby. The belief that a real baby was going to come out started once the pushing got productive. Melanie explained in simple vivid terms how the birth canal is C-shaped and how I need to curl my body when I bear down, curl down around the baby to push him out. Katie later told me that they use the simplest language to get through to their birthing mamas, who can usually only handle a few words under such duress. This makes me laugh in retrospect (the wild animal-mama retreating primally into the most basic language). I was able to visualize perfectly what I need to do, and I started to move the baby like an inch with every push. Melanie kept showing me the progress with her fingers held a little apart.

DH sat behind me on the couch, holding my shoulders, whispering encouragement (the Wing Chun concept of aiming my force way beyond a perceived target point in front of me), writing me little messages with an air light touch on my back (I think it was "I [heart] U"). I held on to his knees on either side of me, or to Melanie's shoulders in front of me. In between contractions DH would get up to fiddle with the camera or do something (just in the beginning) and I would beckon to him to come back every time one started again. I needed him with me to get through them. This was the real teamwork part of labor, just like last time, where his role of strength by me was most important, was part of my ability to do this.

We entered the real hard work of pushing in about the last half hour until his birth at 5:05am. I so clearly felt the baby's mass moving down through the opening tightness of me. There were 3 to 4 pushes in each contraction (breath held, bearing all energy down, being reminded not to try to rise out of it with my shoulders but to sink down into it). It was the most intense meditative work ever. I began to hold on to the end of each push, to be rewarded with Katie and Melanie's enthusiasm about my progress. I especially loved the simple effect of excited positive praise from them. Like the underlying tone of, "wow you're doing this really well, A+!" The little achiever school nerd in me responded well to this kind of praise and made me face each next push with more confidence and courage rather than fear.

The pushes and contractions were barreling into each other. That last part was just a series of almost desperate GET THAT BABY OUT pure hard work. I remember the hatching feeling of the head passing through the cervix. I remember the smooth pop of the head crowning and emerging. The memory of the body coming out is dimmer only in that way it can be when 99% of my brain cells were involved in the shock of the head crowning (not to mention slightly oxygen deprived from holding my breath four pushes in a row.)

So all at once, little Raiden was caught by Melanie, amniotic fluid and blood burst from me like a tidal wave, and a thin stream of tiny baby pee arced up all over Melanie. I reached down to hold him, he was all pink red and crying without any congestion, his body smooth and clean. The umbilical cord was really short (maybe about a foot) so I leaned over to hold him while they put warmed blankies and a hat on him. We moved us over to the couch somehow, after lining it heavily. I just felt so much relief, and a little nervous energy about delivering the placenta. We had the cord cut so he could nurse. He latched on like a champ. Eventually a strong enough contraction came and the placenta was softly, fatly born. Somewhere in there I told him how cute he was and that I love him. After that I just got sleepier and dreamier. The baby was weighed, measured, and foot-printed, then dressed in his white outfit with a diaper. I answered some questions and listened to a few last instructions from Melanie, said bye to Katie, and went off, supported, to our well-lined bed. Baby boy nursed while laying down for at least another hour, then we all slept for two or three hours.

The whole birth happened within the space of a short sleep cycle. Life with two kids started at breakfast the next day, when I brought him to the table and DD asked "what's that?" over her bowl of cereal, followed by "can I touch him?" I have so much emotion tied into this birth, how beautiful and special it was to give birth at home, by the light of the fireplace. Guided by Melanie, an amazing woman who has helped so many others give birth. Cheered on and comforted by Katie, supported by my husband, and with my mom perched at a short distance by the fireplace, my toddler sleeping peacefully in her bed two rooms away. I couldn't have asked for a better birth with the perfect court of attendants. I love it so much that I miss it.

We named him the next day, after carefully trying on a bunch of names from our list and then some. DH remembered Raiden, a character from the Mortal Kombat video game. The name means the god of thunder and lightning in Japanese mythology. It comes from rai (thunder), and den (lightning) or jin (god).
The middle name Dio is after Ronnie James Dio, amazing rock god singer of Black Sabbath, DIO, and Rainbow.