2007 has been insane. It began as many years prior began – with sleep. I’ve never been much for watching the ball drop, kissing strangers or loved ones as the bell tolls midnight, or getting sillyfaced drunk in the name of new beginnings. I had my own new beginning, and a very good reason for sleeping. After all, I was growing a new life under my heart. I wasn’t really sure whether or not I wanted that new life, or whether I’d be able to handle it at all. Turns out that, even though I’m certifiably nuts most of the time, the newest addition to my crazy mishmash family has been a blessing for me and my sanity. Sortof.

I do miss sleep. I miss it like I imagine an amputee might miss an arm or a leg. I fantasize about the day that I’ll get a full eight hours without being rudely awakened every two and a half hours, of the days that I’ll run around in the playground or park or grocery store with the energy of someone half my age. The kid stole my sleep, which in turn has taken a serious toll on my sanity. But I love him. That’s all there is to know, really.

Eight years ago, I was sitting in my tiny one-bedroom apartment waiting for someone to come over. Maybe my next-door neighbor, maybe Travis downstairs (with whom I had a conveniently dirty albeit emotionally tiresome bedroom relationship), or maybe even one of my relatives. I slept on my couch, woke around 1am, just in time to watch the ball drop for the West Coast, and decided that the world had not come to an end because my television and microwave still worked just fine. I imagine that if the world were going to come to an end because of the turn of a millennium, God would care a whole lot more about time than I think He/She ultimately does. I don’t think God cares about time. Most of the time I don’t think God cares about any trivial matters – you know, like whether people are married when they do the nasty, or whether George Bush lives or dies. Gosh, now I’m going to have the Secret Service knocking at my door. SS. Irony, eh? I digress.

This year I went from teaching university classes and being on a fine course towards earning an M.A. and then Ph.D. to being barely employed and living with my mother. Again. I finished a thesis, got married for the second time, and had another son. I got my tubes tied, discovered abdominal surgery is for the birds, lost a dog and a cat, and comforted my husband when we found out his mother has leukemia. Not the good kind either. We tried and tried and tried to find my husband a good job this year, whether in this town or otherwise, but failed time and time again. It has killed our spirits, enhanced depression, and made both of us contemplate why the hell we even keep trying when it’s obviously futile. We are poor, we will always be poor, and rich people will keep fucking us over. That’s just the way it is – right?

I think we wonder – I definitely wonder – how we can possibly handle much more after all kindsa crap is thrown our way. I like to think that good things are balanced with the bad. I’ve had more than my share of bad lately, and my family and I really need something good to happen. Something, anything.

So I guess that a lot of bad crap has happened in 2007. A lot of bad crap happened in 1999 too. But, I got two cool kids out of both years, and things got a lot better the first time around. I imagine they’ll get better this time too. I’ve just got to find that patience everyone keeps talking about.

Oh, and my prejudice against wealthy people is not likely to wane any time soon. I’ve thought about it often, whether or not I’m even capable of working on getting rid of it. At this point, I’m not. Not all rich folks are assholes. That’s the best thing I’ll say about that.

So here’s to a better 2008. Better jobs, better sanity, and better sleep. I’ve got the love part down pat, though. I guess that’s all that really matters in the end.