domestic violence

I qualify. But, I haven't been invited to this other board, while members who are newer than me here have been, so clearly it's not just this thing that was started years ago and doesn't do invites anymore, as has been stated.
Yes, hipmama is public. And, we're a community. There's a sense of intrusion and duplicity for a 'secret society' to hand pick members of this, specifically, board.

If you're out saving lives more power to you, but I'm interested in how you choose, and I resent that posts here are being voted on or whatever *without our knowledge*.
Yes, it's public. And I resent spammers who take up our space and advertisers who respond to blogs--because we make this space as safe as we can, in a public forum, and they feel like an intrusion.
I have no doubt! at all! that this branch-off group, many of whom still participate here I take it, are my sisters, women I can connect with and I want in my community. This divisive 'outing' is ridiculous--but c'mon. Surely you can understand why people's feelings are hurt.

I'm not navel gazing; I'm really emotionally unattached to what you do. And I don't think you mean it when you say 'screw your feelings'. Your initial quote, of expecting an apology, implies that feelings are hurt over there, too--but 'there' is unknown to everyone else over here. Who are we supposed to apologize to? It's a one-sided relationship; one of those FBI mirrors. I may be in a fishbowl, but that doesn't mean I'd invite gawkers.

So let's stop. What's needed for resolution? Do we need more break off groups? Clearly requested boundaries with each other? those of you who feel strongly: what's the solution?

*

Someone asked about how to get some resolution from all of this. I think it can come from agreeing to disagree rather than resorting to caustic namecalling and personality assessments. I'm no Pollyanna, but seeing intelligent women/intelligent discussion devolve into stereotype leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

I grew up in a violent home. My mom only hit me once, but she yelled and name-called. As her child, this led me to believe that I was worth less than shit.

Violence is violence and if the collective you/us wants to heal, then violence in all it's forms has to be acknowledged.

"To have a vibrant future we must invest in our children.
The best way to ensure children are well cared for is to support their mothers." --MomsRising.org

it really sunk in for me. There was a sculpture of Brittany Spears (who's that?) giving birth and we all, as a joke, posted/photo shopped our heads in place of hers. It was quite funny. I believe it made it all the way to the actual artist? So, after that, I started to realize, discussing having and uncirc-ed dh or my leaking breastmilk really was not so private.
Doh!

I don't think that the issue that most mamas have with the other site is that it protects other women or that it went up quickly or that most people weren't informed. I think it has entirely to do with the idea that members are voted in (or not) and the impression that said voting isn't about whether a woman is threatened or has experience in domestic violence or can't speak her mind in a public forum but has more to do with who's a "good" poster. In effect, what mamas here are upset about is the impression that the secret site has had the effect, in the past perhaps, of "stealing" the best folks out of this site for another forum. Of course people come and go naturally on a site like this, but because of the other sites secrecy the assumption is that the "good" voices have left for the secret place leaving this site with more disruptive, angry, or, at least, infrequent posters - like myself.

You pointed out in another thread that I don't post often. Indeed, I almost never originate a post about myself. And that's entirely for the reasons you list from shying away from a public site. Anyone could find out anything. Even though I don't use my real name, I know that just about anyone could figure out who I am pretty quickly. So I don't post anything I wouldn't be comfortable with anyone in my church reading - from bishop to the 13 year old confirmation student in the pews. It certainly does limit what I can say, but I think that's okay.

I would probably caution that even the most careful private message boards are not safe places for those most in danger, whether physically or otherwise. Case in point right here - the cat, as they say, is out of the bag, and with her potentially member secrets. Web communities, I think, often inspire a false sense of security and intimacy. I'd caution us all to just be careful. Its easy to get burned.

Is there a connection between a lot of avid, HM old school posters being gone and less drama here? Another HM and myself have discussed (yes privately) how HM is so quiet and free from controversy for the most part. I DO NOT SAY THIS AS A SLAM, because, quite frankly, hot topics tend to bring out a LOT of insight to a degree. Could this be true? Or, is it much better not to have hot topics (i.e. burning threads) and just keep it cool with weight-loss, book clubs and recipes? Is there a fine line between shit stirring and inspiring threads to learn from? There have always been cliques (sorry to use the word) here. Anyone remember the Top Tier list thread? I didn't even make it on the bottom tier. Hurt feelings? Hell no, but still mamas, this shit's been going on here since i joined 4 years ago. I think I came on right after a meltdown of giant proportions too. I guess ya gotta choose yer poison in some ways? When ever things get down and dirty everyone gets in an uproar, but at the same time it breaths some life into topics. Just my 3 censt. Thinking Out Loud.