It's all done.
Well it's over now, feeling numb and angry. SO won't talk to me about it, but he too seems angry and upset. I'm just waiting for the week to wind down and for it all to bitch slap me in the face. I have no idea how to brace myself for this at all. Been snuggling the snot out of the boys every spare minute, and have refused to call in sick to work all week, I just don't want to be alone.
I'm mostly scared that SO is going to lash out about the whole thing, even tho we came to this decision together. I could really use some advice on how to handle a grieving dad when it comes to something like this. He came with me to PP sat with me through the exam and ultrasound, which during he saw the baby's heart beat. Which really threw him for a loop. I think it made it more real for him. So I'm a bit uncomfortable when he's nearby cause I don't know how to deal with him at this moment.
Happy note.. Only have to spend one more night in my mom's house. (high five, thumbs up!) And over the last couple days she thinks that I've been in the middle of a miscarriage so she did all of mine and the boys laundry, she even did SO's grubby ass steel mill duds in her 4000 dollare washing machine. Sometimes mom can be really cool.
It's me Yo! http://www.sothisismylife.com
10 happy thoughts! http://10happythoughts.com
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Just my thoughts, no one else has to agree with this. My initial reaction is that men internalize alot. He's probably beating himself up for being a loser. Not thats he IS a loser, but men alot of times think that any thing can be solved with money, even if the reason you terminated your pregnancy because of something that had absoloutly nothing to do with money like you just didn't have the energy to devote to a new baby, A-Typcal male will think something like :
'If only I could afford a nanny then she would have help, then she wouldn't have to have an abortion, but I can't- I'm a loser'
'If only she didn't have to work and I could provide her with a big house and she could devote time to things she really loves she wouldn't have had to have an abortion. This is all my fault.'
KWIM?
I'm sure hes not feeling too good about himself living at some chick's mamas house and his old lady just has an abortion. I mean could it get much worse in the eyes of the imaginery group of people we invent in our heads to pass judegment on us?
Just tell him that he makes you soooo happy, and as a two time abortion having mom myself I thought of this one day:
If I had NOT had the abortions that I did, I would have had other kids, so therefore I wouldn't have these kids. So if you are maybe tossing the idea of having a baby with him around eventualy, then this pregnancy would prevent the pregnancy that you would have in the future, and your future kid wouldn't be here. I know its a weird kinda cold thought, but it is the truth.
Not to piss in your cornflakes or to not be a good sport, but its really HIS time to support YOU.
But, you probably got a good one, because quite honestly most guys don't feel anything after an abortion other than a kinda dodged that bullet feeling.
Ericka, this is so spot on in my opinion. I have had abortions I do not regret because the children did not deserve the idiot I had sex with for a father. That's my logic. BUT I firmly believe those little spirits sat back and waited to come thru me when the time was right. Portlandmama, I am thinking about you and standing with you in your decision. Grief is only natural, I just hope you don't beat yourself up or buy into the insidious messages that are "out there" about the choices we sometimes have to make.
The heart has its reasons whereof Reason knows nothing.
- Blaise Pascal
The heart has its reasons whereof Reason knows nothing.
- Blaise Pascal
'in the eyes of the imaginery group of people we invent in our heads to pass judegment on us' I didn't know other people had that same audience in their heads.
Yes, I do see men internalizing things in that way.
But I must disagree that men don't feel deeply about abortions. I think they're just conditioned to not understand/verbalize/talk about/examine those deep, ephemeral emotional situations.
I heard somewhere that people sometimes feel guilty because they're supposed to. We always internalize our society's values in weird ways.
Once enough time has passed for the perspective to change, so will the feelings about it.
Don't be too afraid to be yourself. The alternative is always worse.
Much wisdom here... These are some of the same things DH said to me after a miscarriage; he thought he could have prevented it by making my life easier.
MAybe part of what you are feeling is post-partum depression. I mean, your body has just had a giant swing up/swing down of hormones. Be as gentle to yourself as you would to any mama in the same boat.
All little girls should be told they're pretty--even if they aren't.
--Marilyn Monroe
All little girls should be told they're pretty--even if they aren't.
--Marilyn Monroe
i can't tell what you're feeling, but your posts read very brave. peace and strength.
http://www.menandabortion.com/art_news.html
“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
Friedrich Nietzsche
But I wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and your SO. Hope that the weekend offers you some time together.
"I have no country. As a woman, I want no country. As a woman my country is the whole world." - Virginia Woolf
"If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament." - Rose F. Kennedy
"I have no country. As a woman, I want no country. As a woman my country is the whole world." - Virginia Woolf
"If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament." - Rose F. Kennedy
and blessings to you, SO and the boys.
Give each other lots of hugs, sometimes words don't explain anything.
we've got to let love rule
~l. kravitz
*bliss*
((((hugs))))
a million billion hugs for you
I have no advice, but I'm reading, listening, sending you vibes. I'm sorry you're in pain, mama... I hope it lessens soon.
Sorry you are going through this right now. Wish I could help with some words of wisdom. hugs to you.
Maybe he's worried that if he voices his pain he will add to yours?
{{Hugs}}
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That's exactly what he's thinking about, and he is the throw money at it type. We're both kinda throwing back handed support at eachother. He's super down on himself right now for being a total fuck up. He's said more than a few times that he thinks that he's ruined my life, marriage, etc and so forth. This "bump" in the road aside he saved me from a miserable life, he just doesn't see it that way.
Call me damn it! I have weekends free.
"Kids are made of poop, elastic, and run on nuclear batteries..." -My friend Drew