I feel the need to connect
It feels like I never post anymore. So here's my little update, if you are interested.
I just finished organizing my agency's annual event. I know I posted about that. 
It was awesome. We made 3x as much money as last year. No small feat indeed. I am pretty proud of myself. There's one for the resume, thank you very much.
Joint custody is a bitch. I pretty much hate it and I am *still* going through the stages of grief over not seeing my daughter every day so that she can have a relationship with her father. We just moved from 1 overnight to 3. I thought it was going to be 2 but it just works out better with daycare and work schedules to make it 3. I've been crying a little about it today. I haven't seen her much in the last 3 weeks b/c of the demands of organizing a big event. At least after tonight I will have her for 3 nights in a row. Not having her all the time really does make me more patient and grateful for the time I do have her.
BD and I are working on communication. It is still very strained and sometimes I can't comprehend how I will get through co-parenting with him for the next 15 years (and more) but I will do it. Not much choice in the matter so why bitch about it.
DD is fantastic. Seriously makes it all worth while. She is loving her school and the kids there. Somehow within a span of about 2 months she grew out of 2T clothing and is now in 3T. I am in the denial stage about this. How did that happen?
Phew. That's it, I think. Any other mamas out there feeling the need to share?
much love to all ya'll
LP
- Lucy Pinball's blog
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::warm fuzzy vibes:: to you for coping with joint custody. i don't know that i could do that myself. congrats on the success of the event you put so much work into, too! and i feel you on the clothes size denial. my ma, who is always buying dd clothes and is always buying them large, brought her some 4Ts this time, and some of it fits - the pants all fall down, though, so i feel a bit better. 
"if i pass for other than what i am, do you feel safer?" ~ lani ka'ahumanu
dragon knows dragon
"if i pass for other than what i am, do you feel safer?" ~ lani ka'ahumanu
dragon knows dragon
i can't imagine joint custody. i just can't.
Nice to see you, LP. Congrats to you on your event, you rock! I can not begin to imagine how complicated joint custody is and I think you have a great outlook about it. I remember reading in one of Ariel Gore's books wherein she said that joint custody could be a very good thing, as time away does indeed make you more patient and less harsh, not only towards your child, but your parenting partner as well. Just think of how fast dd is growing up and the next 15 years of dealing with BD won't seem so bad. Sorry you have to deal, but you seem to be in such a great head space. Hugs to you and that beautiful little girl of yours.
"Hold out your hands to feel the luxury of the sunbeams."~Helen Keller
Lucy -
Funny but I think we were going through similar experiences at the same time. My dd is now 3 years old too and her dad (ex) and I never lived together from the get go. He has her every Wed. nights and alternating weekends.
Nights without your dd will get easier. Remember...when your dd is with her daddy, she'll ask for you and vice versa, especially when they don't get what they want. LOL. I'm amused (and relieved) by the fact that my dd can transition between the two households without too much fuss. I'd like to recommend a book, "Mom's House, Dad's House" by Isolina Ricci. Try to borrow it from the library. There are really good and common sense advice in the book.
Sounds like you and your dd have already achieved alot, including on the job front.
p.s. Hopefully I'll have enough nerve and time to jot down updates to my life soon. Thanks for going first.
I'm glad that fundraiser was so successful. It really is a resume goodie: your name was right up towards the top of that program! It's also good that it's over with. Finally some time to be with dd and chill more and teach people to knit.
I'm sorry joint custody is hard. I can imagine it would be very stressful, especially after how hard you worked on that relationship. There's still some baggage around communicating with him and will remain so for a few more years. On the bright side, time will help heal that. When Tony was 3 or 4 it was still very challenging to talk with his dad. I'd feel sick about fights we had for days. It seems like things improve about 4 or 5 years after the last effort at the relationship is made. That's what I've seen with friends in the same situation as well. The other person may grow or find someone new to harass or you may simply heal and they don't rub you the wrong way anymore. I hope this happens for you soon.
I'm glad she grew! Yay for her! The other thing I notice as a pattern is around age 2 to 5 somewhere in there, mama starts feeling like the baby is growing up way too fast and she doesn't have time to truly enjoy this person before they go off to school, which for me was totally compounded by working a lot. But seriously, the best years are ahead.
***the United States is one of only four out of 168 countries studied to not have some form of paid family leave for new moms. We join Swaziland, Papua New Guinea, and Lesotho in not having that policy in place. ***
I hope you are stilll glowing from this success. I feel proud even just to be aligned with you! Great job.
Good idea about sharing time, I feel like I've been kind of absent here lately. Hm, somehow three kids, household management, tons of volunteering, crafts, exercise, etc. don't leave much time for blogging...probably a good thing in many ways. Anyway, here's what's new:
Safety Girl having a great time in 1st grade and has lost two teeth in the past few weeks. The 1st fell out in California, the 2nd she decided she'd miss too much to give to the tooth fairy. She'll be SEVEN (egads) in less than a week. Her birthday party is going to be a Native American theme and we're all looking forward to that. Oh and we got her a super duper birthday present that she really wants and has no idea she is getting so I can't wait to see her face when she opens it!
Danger Boy continues to crack us up and is clearly a class clown in kindergarten. I went in to volunteer in his class the other day and he had brought in a book to read, he got to read it on the microphone while I was there. For the baby's lines, he used a funny baby voice and all the kids were cracking up. By the last page, I didn't think he'd be able to finish because he was giggling so much! He creats the funniest new super hero (& villian) characters all day long and I want to save every single one. Oh, and the other day he took a large piece of orange paper, put a dot in the middle, and called it a giant cheez-it.
Captain Destructo (Super Spitter's new name as he no longer spits) will be Captain Destructo for Halloween, we started on his costume yesterday. He basically follows me around the house all day un-doing whatever I've done. He takes things and puts them in strange spots. Magnets in the kids' art drawer, cups outside and thrown off the deck, etc. He's going for another test today that will hopefully finally clear him of HIV antibodies 100%. And we're inching towards finalizing the adoption but it will still be a long time.
Dh: recent events in which his brother is being a total prick make me realize what a good man and great father my dh is.
Me: totally busy, volunteering in both kids classes, running GLBT History Month activities, birthday party planning, soccer coaching, trying to stay healthy, thinking about one last Halloween themed Outhouse theater w/bonfire (better get cracking on that), etc.
Miss you mamas, I want more updates!
Summer has slipped into fall but nobody has told the climate. It is 75 degrees here today.
My DS turned three this week. He asked for a plastic lizard as a gift. When he opened the box with the plastic lizard in it, he audibly gasped, "Ooooooh!" and then whispered, awestruck, "LIZARD". He wore a crown they made for him at school. The next day, he was stunned to receive the news that his birthday was only one day, not the entire week.
My world continues to be colored by losing my dad unexpectedly in June. I find myself re-examining my relationships with my sibs and my mom. Some of it is difficult and some of it is liberating. I have his watch which I wear every day to remind me to make the most of my moments.
DD is almost six months old. In the mornings, she wakes up and grins at me, stretches her legs as far as they will go and pokes her round soft belly up in the air...I can't get enough of her. She is almost sitting up and spends a great deal of time gazing adoringly at DS. Today when I leaned in the back seat to get her out at daycare, i noticed that they were holding hands.
I've lost 15 pounds and am feeling more physically healthy and stable. I'm talking it gently and this time around I'm viewing it as a longterm thing, not a period of time to get through.
I am on HM alot and I often feel at a loss. I want to post but feel blank and bland. I'm here though, and loving you mamas.
I've felt that way too. In fact I skipped class tonight so that is probably the only reason I have energy to post. Your fundraiser sounds amazing and I'm proud of you too! I'm sorry about the custody stuff...I have not faced that yet and am going through some withdrawal about her being in daycare such long days. With traffic she is there about 10 hours a day.
My updates:
I'm now at two weeks with students (three classes of seniors and one of freshmen). I mostly love it. They are smart and funny and rebellious and whiny and so damn cute though they would hate for me to say that. I have one class that I've classified "The Ruffians" but all the rest are really great. I finally feel like I've found the career for me.
But, I'm really exhausted. It is draining and I feel guilty that I don't have more energy for DD when I get home from work. My feet are sore every day still. I wonder sometimes how sustainable this is.
DD is talking up a storm and I love it. She comments and observes and demands and just cracks me up. She's silly but also has such an intense personality. Today she pndered over her outfit forever and finally insisted on wearing her fairy princess skirt to daycare. Oh, and she is already in 3T and even some 4T clothes!!! We had her 2nd birthday party a couple of weeks ago, which I've been meaning to post on...it was so fun, Dora the explorer theme with fruit painting and a monkey cake. She got a little kitchen that she plays in all the time.
And last, I'm giving things another go with bd. He's gone through some therapy, has shown tremendous growth in his approach/communication with me and the kids and so far seems entirely committed to making this relationship work. I'm a bit nervous to say anything for sure at this point, but I actually have a solid feeling about things. It is nice to have him back in my life. That's all...I miss posting here! and love back at ya.
Awesome news about the event - I remember you posting about it a while ago, glad it was such a great success.
Joint custody is a bitch - and I applaud every single parent out there who works to make it work. Good job, and, if my dad and ex-step-mother are any indication, it does get easier - or at least it does when you work at it. It sounds to me like you're doing great!
Because I tend to be long-winded, I made my update its own long-winded post here: http://hipmama.com/node/35002
The short version is that I am still pregnant, but not for much longer. Things are good, well, they;ve been good for a couple days and I will take what I can get. We're dealing with my testing positive for GBS and what that now means, and Sebastian has a crossed eye, which we finally got our appointment for a consult about (in another 7 weeks).
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on the clothes thing - she was only in 2T for like 8-9 months, maybe? Kind of hurts the pocketbook at the same time that it pulls the mama heartstrings, you know?