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dog gone - emotional hijinks - mother stuffSubmitted by Henry on Sun, 08/19/2007 - 8:00pm.
I haven't posted in forever, but this is my update on the dog-who-knocks-over-my-toddler - he has a new home. A couple (teacher and stay at home mom) with three kids (9yr old girl, 7 year old twin boys) and two cats. They live about an hour away. They seem like good people, are familiar with the breed. I am really sad, I think it is for the best, I am really sad, feel like a shitty person for not being able to make it work, and I am really sad. Anyhow, it is done. Now we have to deal with our other dog and her reaction, whatever it will be. Our son is two and we talked about it and I know he doesn't really understand. It's funny, I keep thinking "he is going to be happier, he is in a better place" which is what some people say when loved ones die - and he isn't dead, but at the same time he is kind of, for us anyway, because we will probably never see him again. And I made the decision, took the action, handed him over. Part of what made me able to make the decision was some of my old mom stuff - the neglect, blame and ambivalence I was raised with that I started to feel for our dog (I am a devout anthropomorphicist apparently) made me feel really guilty and weird, but also raised the question of whether I was better off with my mom (which is what happened) or with someone who could have really cared for and about me in a healthy way (like my aunt) --- and I came to the conclusion that love, for the dog, was the answer, not habit or tradition. Which is a weird deal all on it's own. And last of all, also unrelated, I had a talk with my mother about some stuff that she said when I was pregnant that led me to cut off communication with her for a long time to protect myself, and by protecting myself protect my son. And it was pretty good - I held my ground, didn't accept blame for overreacting and also didn't blame her overly for the result...just dealt with what was actually said. Which is a big deal for me since I tend to avoid all confrontation( which is probably why I almost never post here anymore), especially with my mother. Our dogs would be better off with people who "loved dogs to death". We take them out to My in-laws on the weekends and they can run free, But in the mean time, I have to keep them out in the back yard & enclosed sunroom by the garage. That are sweet and would never hurt my child but they just get into stuff in my kitchen & make the floors really dirty. Growing up we had two dogs that my parents gave away to a woman who lived out in the country ( some mean kids kept shooting them & other neighborhood dogs with be-be guns). I never saw them again and my siblings & I still talk about them and how we missed them so much. I guess that has kept me from letting my dogs become farm dogs somewhere. Funny you should mention how your experience is connected to your experience with your mom. I often grapple with the same thing, my mama should not have raised me ( and in fact she had no legal right to either). I guess my conclusion about whether or not I would have been happier being raised by someone more stable are answered by a simple: yes ,but I would never be the woman I am today had I not experienced such a strange and sometimes miserable childhood. I'm sure you are who you are today because of your experiences as a child too. Hope you feel better soon and that you can still keep in touch with your dog. Maybe go visit sometime & I'm sure the other dog will adjust ok, especially since there is one less dog to compete for attention. But you made the right one - you said you felt like a shitty person for not being able to make it work - but you *did* make it work. You made the hard decision and everyone involved will be happier and healthier for it! And good on you for facing those old ghosts - I am also horrid at confrontation and have yet to deal with many of the things I will eventually need to deal with. Do you have the email of the family you gave him to? Your situation sounds similar to what ours was when we re-homed our old collie - and we stayed in touch with the woman who took him in. She would occasionally send us photos and stories about Max. When he passed away, she sent us a really sweet note and while we had already said our goodbyes, it was still really nice to know. ---- |
i was wondering where you have been. you were missed. i am sorry about your dog situation. you seem to have gained some amazing insight though, and you should be proud for that. its painful now - its sad, but that will subside with time.
good for you for talking with your mom, i can identify a lot with your relationship with your mom and i have done similar things this summer. it was very good for me and i know this will also be good for you.
take care and be extra kind to yourself.
"Here I am. Rock you like a hurricane."
-The Scorpions