Fucked up bullshit

I'm so sick of this bullshit in my life. Got a phone call this morning.. DH and my niece died this morning.. 10 months old. Fuck it all.. 14 fucking people in my life dead. Can't take much more of this. 326 in the afternoon and I'm drunk.. I don't drink but I'm drunk. I need help.. Vibes, prayers what the fuck ever. I'm so done. DH needs to go home to Kentucky for the funeral but there's no way we can afford the plane ticket, rental car and the time off work.. This is all so fucked.. And if he doesn't go his family will never forgive him.. Even tho they didn't get a fucking rats ass enough about him to come out here when Molly died. FUCK!! His sister needs me, needs us and I can't do anything about it.. I feel like a total shit heel. I'm totally ignoring the boys, went to the bar down the street where a friend of mamasunshine and my friend works proceeded to start drinking at noon. Oy.. Just knock me into a coma and wake me up when all this fucking ends.. Did I also mention that Thursday is Molly's 13th birthday? I just want to die right now. Who else is going to leave us now?