Haven't posted in 3 weeks 11 hours and 32 minutes.

I haven't quite lost it yet but I'm well on the way. I'm so fucking tired all the time, getting on the computer has been the last thing I've wanted to do in weeks, but I've had several Hipmama phone calls so I thought that I'd update.

Butter: 10 months old, ornery, lot's of teeth, crawling, pulling himself up on every god damn thing that will sit still including the dog. Biting the hell out of everything. Thinking about weaning very soon like.

Xan: 3 1/2 years old now, napping better, still not sleeping at night reliably, obsessed with Dora and Deigo, will spend the night away from home at nana's house now. Talking tons more which is good after he quit talking for 6 months after Molly died.

Mitch: Still hates his job with a flaming passion. Fucked his back up and has been laying on the couch smashed on Percocet and Flexeril since last sunday. He's now working from home on the couch. Joy.

Me: Emo wrecked, tired, bored, unmotivated, guilty, physically I feel like I had my ass kicked (might have something to do with me having to practically carry mitch everywhere.), the kids are driving me insane, the dog must die, the bunnies need a hair cut, the chickens ate my peas, and I don't want to do yard work.

Fuck all I say. I'm lost in a cloud of everything right now.. Having a really hard time separating priorities. Have to rewrite 3 whole essays by Monday to get out of school.. I haven't grocery shopped in like a month, the house is semi clean thanks in part to a mexican couple that hardly speaks english and thinks I'm a dumb white lady.. (Their words not mine, yes I at least know that much spanish)

Is it actually possible to be so depressed that you're not depressed anymore.. Just in some fucked up limbo that makes you want to just beat the shit out of some pretty blonde, skinny, perfect Donne Reid mom at the park??????