Trying not to be an elitist asshole
My friend
http://www.hipmama.com/node/30256
and I have gotten together twice this week. And talked on the phone almost everyday. We've enjoyed catching up and we both feel at peace with what happened.
I am so glad to have her back in my life. But we are so very different, now. Five years have gone by!
I'm trying not to judge her, but I'm afraid I'm not doing a very good job.
I'm almost positive that if I hadn't left this town, I would be just like her.
I've found myself thinking, "I don't feel like I can learn anything from her." And I know that this is a terrible, pompous, and elitist thing to think.
My sister suggested that I look at it as me being in her life to teach her something, but that feels just as bad.
I feel terrible.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
~ Groucho Marx
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mama some people are in our lives just to "be".
Jessica
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~~Dr.Seuss
Jessica
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~~Dr.Seuss
i like this. Makes sense to me.
* I'm all fight and no flight *
* I'm all fight and no flight *
there have been times when I was first getting to know someone (or re~know them) and I have had those thoughts. For me they pass, and the person I was kind of judging always ends up suprising me and making me feel like an asshole for ever thinking that way in the first place (and glad I never vocalized what I was thinking). People have all kinds of knowledge and everyone has something they can teach or give even if that is just someone who gets my stupid jokes. I would say give it time, let the friendship blossom a little and you well probably feel differently, and don't feel bad about how you are feeling now because it's normal.
for making some smarter decision by moving away or being a better mom or whatever. That way it will bite you in the ass in a (guaranteed) likely painful way that probably will lose you this re-found friendship and possibly end up with you being rather sad.
Of course I'm being sarcastic and yes, being a little "tough love" - but from my personal experience, and many I've known in my life, this is exactly what often happens. I understand where you're at - I've been there. And it's OK if your knee-jerk is to judge (although it does seem small-minded and painful - imagine some "more successful" former classmate or friend looking at YOU this way!). Besides, judgment is the other side of discernment for what WE want for ourselves and you can't always "turn it off".
However I agree with Jessica - some people are in our life just to "be". Why did you seek her out? In hopes of finding that friendship you once had? Mourn it - it's gone. It may be back some day and stronger and deeper than you ever imagined; but that future is only as likely as you can grow in the NOW with her. Whether that means a less active or deep friendship, my guess is keeping the connection in SOME way - with humility, love and strength on your part - will serve you both well.
"Macaroni - let me finish! - salad."
you feel that you could be her, if not for some changes in circumstances. so, this tells me you feel that you and she are the same constitutionally. which tells me that you may be sad for what you could have become and grateful that you didn't become that. i don't see anything really judgmental about that, honestly. i feel taht way a lot. it's called empathy. it may very well be that you can't learn anything from her, if you're past where she needs to get to change her circumstances. i think that's alright too. but i bet you could, if you wanted to. but if you don't that's alright too. some people are so much work taht any potential benefit isn't worth it.
"Rap music belongs in the rubbish bin! It encourages punching, boastfulness and rudeness to hos!"
it sounds like you have learned something about yourself all ready by re connecting with your friend.
* I'm all fight and no flight *
I think you and your friend are both awesome for struggling to re-connect with each other, mama. That is hard enough to do without an addiction being involved.
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I agree. I think that I actually CAN learn from her. This was just my "knee jerk" reaction.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
~ Groucho Marx