sick of parenting the 15 year old
Does everything have to be a clash? How about this: she's on MY computer (long story) supposedly writing a report for PE (a class that she is currently failing). Already, she's been kicked off her sister's computer, because she was on myspace instead of writing, and she's been grounded from myspace by me because, again, she's been on there (on my computer, argh!)instead of writing. Now, it's 11:30, I step out of the shower, and hear her giggling on the phone. I tell her to get off and finish the stupid report, and she gives me a ration of shit! "Oh, I'm talking to _____. He's a swimmer." (The report is on swimming). I tell her that I know she's just talking, instead of working, and she's the one who's been complaining about being tired in the morning. Duh. Much eye-rolling, but she gets off the phone and finishes the report in about 3 minutes. Then huffily swishes by on the way to her room.
Now, she's grounded from myspace for a week, and grounded from her phone (she can only call me--I can check her phone records) for a week.
I finally said that line which makes me an old fuddy-duddy: "I'm really disappointed with you right now."
She's been hanging around with this incredibly rude boy. She totally digs him--he's very charming and charismatic. He also puts DD12 down all the time, and doesn't really respect me. He's about to get a dose of punk rock mama.
I know, I should be thinking about how she's rebelling, and if I over-react, she'll just end up with rude boy, and I'll drive her away, but, fuck it.
I dont' want a rude kid in my home, and I'm going to ride DD15's ass till she gets her grade up. But I fucking hate this part of parenting.
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justbe gald your doenst say she CAN'T physiaclly do shit
"i can't carry the bread machine to put it away"
"I can't stand to do dishes"
"i can't move" -- this one made me pisssed beyond tonite, cause her foot hurt sooo bad
i was tired of saying toi her she is not old enough to be falling apart and that unless she dropped the bread machine on her foot and broke it she coudlnot be in too much pain to stand up
but PM..i swear these kids are enough to make us ship them off...butthe question is
TO WHERE???????
"Do not speak--unless it improves on silence." ~ buddhist saying
http://kiakiali.blogspot.com/
http://rileduptales.blogspot.com/
http://greenmountainmamasnest.blogspot.com/
"Do not speak--unless it improves on silence." ~ buddhist saying
(wow - my email on file was so old - it was from the old hipmama email!)
I am not looking forward to this surly action getting worse, and my son is only 7!
We had to bitch him out in front of all of his friends, because they took our garbage from our pick up pile (and we had loads of boxes and weird shit since the in laws drove through with crap) and spread it all over our driveway, ON OUR NEIGHBOR'S LAWN (you know, the really anal one with the nice landscaping). This was after I yelled at one of them for riding S's bike with no helmet without permission.
There is a non-hijacking point here, I swear. The whole time I am thinking, his friends are going to wait until we go in, and tell S that we are the meanest parents on the block, and this is just going to get worse.
Good luck with her surly friend. Hopefully DD15 will learn soon that guys who respect your mom and respect your sister are the cool guys. Did I know that at 15? HA HA HA HA HA, ummm, no.
Sunflower the unflower
Sunflower the unflower
As the accidental guardian of a 15-year-old, I can relate to your stories. However, I don't have the attitude go beyond step 1. She knows about "repercussions" and hard as they are to enforce, I stick to them. Even though her father and grandmother and mother thought I was being, in their words, a bitch. The 15yo later admits she appreciates the structure and the discipline, that they help her know where the boundaries are. I have lots and lots of talks with her that are very very real, admitting that I hate having to be a hard-ass because it isn't fun but that I know how important it is for her to learn that one cannot go through life like that.
On your computers, there should be a way to create different accounts with different settings for each. I set up the computers for her so that she can only access a select group of sites. She's earned the ability to have free-range, but sometimes loses those privileges and I just go into her account settings and take away or grant access to certain applications or sites. MySpace is a site that I manage for her. I get copies of her emails. At first she thought "My privacy!" but I explained that she is 15 and that she doesn't have that level of privacy -- YET. She made a few mistakes or misjudgments and I had to step in or talk with her, and now she realizes it's about caring about her, helping her, protecting her and that someday I won't feel it is necessary to do it at all.
For some reason, though, she gives her parents the full-strength of attitude. I think it is some biological/psychological thing... not sure. But it could also be that neither of them is as honest with her. When I see her do it, I say "ahem, attitude" and she steps back from it. The new approach that I'm trying is going to be "consequences" since "repercussions" worked so well.
She also has a therapist, which I believe helps her put things into perspective, and I strong recommend to other parents.
or is it that she is letting a boy step over her boundaries? when i think about being a teenager and hating my family, even so, i couldn't let anyone be assy to them. particularly my little sister, who annoyed me so much. maybe dd15 needs a talking to about what it is and is not ok to let a boy do and say. shit talking family, that is a red fucking flag.
but you have to admit, "Oh, I'm talking to _____. He's a swimmer." that was funny.
"They think I do not know a buttload of crap about the Gospel, but I do!"
Do you guys want to come visit? We can have the whole rude ass crew in one place, and jointly tell them all that we're disappointed in them.
I still cannot believe sometimes that I have wound up with this house full of teenagers. SS16 gets his licence this week, too, so even more to worry about.
I do have to admire her gumption, though - "He's a swimmer!" What if her report was on something like WWII? Would she be on the phone with some octogenarian?
"Step off my big ass."
- Anthromom
Would she be on the phone with some octogenarian?
Sooz...roflmao
you are too too much
"Do not speak--unless it improves on silence." ~ buddhist saying
I totally envision these same problems in the next 5 - 15 yrs (my kids are 4wks, 6.5yrs and 9yrs). With the attitude my 9yo gives me now, I can tell that I am in for it. I almost feel like this is what I get for putting my kids in "question authority" t-shirts as babies... and my older 2 have an anarchist for a papa...
But the thing that I really want to say is watch out - my parents HATED my boyfriend when I was 15, and rightly so - he was a heroin addict... but you know what? I was with him till I was 17 and lied to them and drove to St. Loius (from philly) because of him... and now he is back in my life as the father of my new baby. So, you might want to really think out how you want to handle this, kwim?
I wish you luck - let us know how it goes. Those of us with younger kids need to hear about these experiences...
And remember that this too will pass.
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