how do you feel about Christmas?
The other night I had two woman from HM say that they don't like Christmas after I came out and said I feel like Christams to me is more about stress and wacking out my finances. I hate the consumerism, I feel almsot sick to my stomach when I hear Christams music, and I never really feel inspired much. Halloween, everything about it I love, but theres just something(
about Christmas that makes me depressed, the only reason that I celebrate it is honestly because I don't want my kids to feel shorted or like freaks. My FAX was raised by Jehovah's Witnesses and as a child felt like an outcast and ripped off by not celebrating Christmas. I put the phoniest smile on my face and the only joy I have is in buying crap for my kids, but ultimatly that feeling wanes because they are never really that impressed for more than five minutes and then its back to business. I am almost thankful though that I have no family because I wouldn't know what to do if I was obligated to spend lots of cash on aunt so and so and my three neices and five nephews, that would be so overwhelming. I hear alot of pissing and moaning around this time of year and it mostly has to do with how stressed out people I encounter are. I never hear anything merry, thats for damn sure. I have even thought and had suggested to people that it seems like a more realistic option that we as a consumer culture just say screw it and buy ourselves something and that way we can afford it and get what we want or just be honest and call a truce and say enough is enough, I'd rather not thanks. To me, its a tie as to what is more ridiculous, the toy manufactors that are just bombarding my children with their advirtisements or the goshdarn jewlers more or less trying to state a man's love for his woman is symbolized by the amount of money he spends on precious metals and rocks. If I was the pampered little woman wearing the nice little casmere sweater with the carmel highlights in my chin length bob, I would rather my husband not work all that overtime from October to February to buy me a tennis bracelet. I guess I just don't understand what the big deal is, and why everyone does it when nobody I talk to seems happy about it. Are you happy about it? Why do atheists and agnostics celebrate Christmas- a cultural ritual? Feel like I do maybe that kids and Chritmas is just like peanut butter and jelly?
And here is why...I have a great big extended family that I rarely see because they all live on the East Coast and I don't. Christmas is the one time of the year when we all get together, and it's a big, big deal for us. My cousins are the same age as my brother and me, and we're all very close, keep in touch via phone and e-mail all year. On Christmas all of our kids go tearing around my uncle's house like a pack of hyenas amidst clouds of wrapping paper. My uncle goes whole hog and buys a case of champagne and everyone gets smashed. Yes, it's a financial drain to have to buy presents for everyone, but we have some neat traditions, like my older cousin and I always get each other our favorite CDs, my younger cousin and I always swap DVDs of our favorite movies, so even though it's material, it still comes from a fun place. But my favorite part is that we still have a kiddie table, even though we're all in our 30s, and now our kids have a kiddies-of-the-kiddies table.
The one thing about Christmas that I really hate, besides the implication that you're not loved unless your DH buys you a car/ugly diamond necklace, is the obligation I feel every year to send out the damn cards. I have 80 people on my list. It makes my head hurt. I can only do it cheerfully when I'm drunk, which is not an option for me this year.
That's my take on it. I think it has a lot to do with your family, and the dynamics you grew up with. If I didn't get along with my family, it would be a lot less fun. I realize that I am fortunate that way.
"Everything looks perfect from far away." - The Postal Service
My cousins, brother and I all had kids at the same time, and they are now at an age where they can start conspiring against us, so this year is going to be a good one for the photo ops.
One other thing that does make this time of year annoying: clients who wait until the last minute to cram all of their deadlines into one month, and make what is already a busy time hellish for the rest of us. Gaah.
"Everything looks perfect from far away." - The Postal Service
For me, it's the consumerism, and something about the end of the year looming that always gets me crazed. The bright spot is going to see my family - but that's hard too, as they live far away and it puts a strain on finances, not to mention that DD isn't all that easy to fly with. It is fun to see them once we get there, though.
I think I got a lot of this negative association from my mom, who really had a hard time with holidays after her parents died. We lived in Alaska, so far away from everyone else, and the cultural imperative about being joyous at the holidays just rubbed her the wrong way. Thou shalt be flippin' happy at Christmas, it's like the eleventh commandment.
I hear you on the jeweler thing, I just got sent this article on diamonds and how truly evil the industry is. No way, no diamonds for moi ever again.
My husband and I are agnostic and we celebrate Christmas. We give ourselves a reasonable budget and enjoy shopping for one another and other people. Dh grew up in a family that went all-out every year for Christmas, so he has really fond childhood memories of the holidays. It is important to him to pass that on to his kids and to share it with me.
I, on the other hand, do not have fond memories of ANY holiday, including my birthdays. My parents just were not the kind of folks to make things “special.� Lack of money and the fact that my mom was mentally ill were the reasons for my sad memories of holidays. Well, actually, it wasn’t the lack of money, it was the fact that my parents really didn’t care enough/weren’t happy enough to celebrate anything. Money, no doubt was one of their concerns but for me, it could have been made special in so many other ways.
So, with my kids, I find it really fun and important to make the holidays fun and about family. My in-laws will probably spend way to much $ on them and buy crap that I have to hide for half the year until it is age appropriate or I’m ready to purge some of their toys but, that’s okay. Dh and I will balance that out with other special memories.
I’m still trying to figure out how to discuss religion and spirituality with my kids. Ds is still too young and dd isn’t born, yet, so I’ve got some time to work it out. But, Christmas, in no way, is about religion for dh and I. It’s about family lore.
I now do almost all of my shopping on-line because I hate stores and the mall. Visiting one of em’ is enough to make anyone miserable.
A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song. - Chinese Proverb
I am and always was a total holiday freak but I have lots of warm and fuzzy family memories of the holidays. I come from a huge extended family so there were lots of big parties (not so much gifts, there were gifts but that was never really the focus of the holiday unless we were giving)~I love giving gifts! I love to shop for other people, think about what they well like, do the fake out, like this year I wrapped a video game DH really wants in a nice shirt so he thinks the gift well just be clothes. I can't wait to see how happy he is when he realises that he got the game! I love wrapping gifts, and finding new creative ways to wrap. I love making gifts, when I was a kid we always gave my parents homemade gifts. I love holiday baking and cooking. I love eating big rich meals. I love christmas carols, lights and decorations. I put our decorations up the day after halloween like the stores did. I love hunting for deals, however incompotent I might be at it. I honestly don't care what I get. I find it touching that DH went out shopping for me (which he hates) and wrapped up the presents (which he also hates) and I well automaticly love what he bought. I am really excited to play with Bugsy's new toys with him and see DH happy & actually getting a treat for all the work he does. I guess those things can happen every day but something about the excitment of the sugar and the roasts and pretty paper, ribbons, decorations, little twinkly lights, happy kids, happy mama, happy papa, watching the dog unwrap his gifts (that alone is worth the trouble). Plus this year not only are my mom & step dad visiting but my brother, who has never met Bugs, is comming for a full week!!!
nessy, master of the universe
it seems like everyone and their dog has a food blog
I love that you put your decorations up the day after halloween. how funny/must help combat the rage over commercialization. I may have to try that next year...I can barely wait to take mine out tomorrow--I've always felt i 'have' to wait 'til december.
but my parents used to make me wait to put the display up until after thanksgiving (oh what a display I had too, plastic snowmen up the waz). I totally see it as one of the perks of being an adult! Plus I rubbed off on one of the neighbors, the day after I put up a little wreath on our front door he put up his! I am contagious!
nessy, master of the universe
it seems like everyone and their dog has a food blog
I am a total hokey Christmas nerd. I love the decorations, I love holiday movies and music... the oldies station here plays only holiday music from now through New Years and it's all I listen to in my car. My cool and jaded friends laugh at me but I don't care... I really love it. For me it's more about the spirit than anything else. Part of it probably has to do with the fact that Christmas was one of the only times that was always good in my childhood. Now that I have DS I'm really excited about having Christmases with him. I can't wait to bake christmas cookies with him and trim the tree... to show him all the Christmas shows I love like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, A Charlie Brown Christmas... I could go on forever. It really is kind of a magical time of year... ok, see? Totally cheesy, but that's how I feel about it! 
I loved Christmas as a kid because it was full of comforting and enjoyable traditions; making ornaments, buying and decorating the tree, a birthday dinner for my grandpa on Christmas Eve, and so on. While presents were important for sure, that's not what I remember now - it's the way my parents would focus on the holidays as a special family time. But in the last few years I've felt like my holidays are being dictated by other people's priorities and plans. Since DH and I moved back to be closer to our families, and because we don't (yet) have kids, everyone assumes that we will just fall in with their plans and get annoyed when we point out that we can't be two places at once, or mention that we might just want to spend a little time with each other. It's exhausting. One nice thing (if I can say this without jinxing myself) about having some potential pregnancy complications is that I can honestly say that this year that baby is boss and beg off some of the family 'obligations' in order to get more rest. And I'm really looking forward to making Christmas special for Future DS by establishing some routines and traditions for our own family. Strangely enough, I feel like having a kid will allow me to 'take back' Christmas and make it fun and meaningful again. And my family was religious, but since I'm not, I've felt much less conflicted and much more festive about celebrating the season since I found out that most of our so-called "Christmas" traditions date back to ancient times. I now like to think of Christmas as my midwinter celebration!
On a more practical note, I say forget the Holiday Cards! Send one to grandma and to the other people who are not yet on the computer and send an e-card to everyone else. It is SO much easier and so much cheaper. And online shopping is great for me - no going to the mall and it helps to ward off some of the commercialism.
but i love the winter holidays, and now that vincent is around, i love all the damn holidays, making them as special for him as my mom did for us. i mean i can't wait to make paper doily valentines and buy sparklers to put in cupcakes on fourth of july.
as an atheist and a feminist and all the other ists that i claim, i really shouldn't enjoy this all i guess. but i do. i have a couple of ruined holiday memories, sure. but i have a theory about ritual...i amnot gonna hijack with it unless you ask, domho.
anyway, i also just patently fucking refuse to get stressed about stupid ass shit like presents and money and all that crap. years i have it, i spend it. years i don't, i don't. anybody who would actually give a shit can take a flying fucking leap, and that includes family.
luckily, i have very little if any family that is like that.
this year i am making 90% of gifts. i started in september cause i knew this was gonna be a lean year. so i have been making popsicle stick purses for my friend's daughters, crocheting like crazy, and making most of my friends spray painted macaroni covered kleenex bov covers from, well, empty kleenex boxes, silver spray paint, and macaroni. they are gonna fuckin rock, too.
so that is it around here. fun, family, food of course, and fuckin macaroni presents. don't like it? then you can take your grinchy ass elsewhere. that is how i cope.
wait, maybe my attitude is punk rock after all. merry fucking christmas, from your friendly neighborhood athiest, have a macaroni necklace!
"If moderation is a fault, then indifference is a crime."-Jack Kerouac
“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
Friedrich Nietzsche
.
That is SO punk rock! I may have to steal that, provided we can spare the foodstuffs.
Having kids is what got me so excited about the holidays, too! I see Christmas as more of a pagan holiday than a Christian holiday, anyway, so don't feel I'm dissing my punk roots. 
"anyway, i also just patently fucking refuse to get stressed about stupid ass shit like presents and money and all that crap. years i have it, i spend it. years i don't, i don't. anybody who would actually give a shit can take a flying fucking leap, and that includes family."
right on.
A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song. - Chinese Proverb
And yeah, since I love my family I do end up, at some point, getting all mushy and excited, since I'm surrounded by mushy and hyped up loved ones. But... Mostly, not only do I dislike most planned/regularly occuring/ritualized holidays, but I am so BAD at them. I am so bad at attaching meaning to something that I have no personal connection to, that they often almost pass me by, and I find myself scramblling to celebrate a holiday just enough so as not to offend my family. As far as atheists celebrating: I love my family, and my sisters are crazy about tradition, esp. Holiday ones. so... I dunno. I feel like I have to not deny my son this later, either..but I'm trying to think of something personal we could celebrate so he doesn't feel cheated. We'll see. I hate to pass on a tradition of what seems to me like false, i dunno....but SOMETHING very false. That's just me.
that i don't celebrate christmas. it is not so much that i am against the holiday but since i am buddhist it doesn't fit in. i figured out that i was buddhist at an early age and have never believed in the christian faith so christmas was more just a time of presents, which i don't really like and wish people would stop giving us stuff. i don't mind my kids getting into the holiday spirit, they are their own people and need to explore the world as they see fit. we give our kids a foundation of honesty so even if they know the truth about ol' st. nick they can still enjoy the idea of him. and since eventually we will return to japan, it is important that the kids understand the basic premise of their home culture because they will undoubtedly be questioned about it since japan is a country full of traditions. so essentially, i am non-attached to the holiday and non-attached to being non-attached.
You can be a Buddhist and still participate in the traditions of Christmas. I have a close friend who is Buddhist and celebrates Christmas with her family and friends. Maybe different sects of Buddhism have different "rules" about it?
A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song. - Chinese Proverb
is that you can essentially do what ever you like as long as you don't break your vows and if you do then it is on your shoulders, no one is going to swoop down to scold you. i personally never had much attachment to the holiday in the religious/family/cultural way. if i did, i would participate. we identify more readily with japanese cultural traditions after only two years there and thus new year's is a big deal for us. i am part of the karma kagyu lineage and our local dharma center has a big party for tibetan new year's and the karmapa's birthday which we are involved in as well. x-mas is more like a sub-holiday for us, like valentine's day. something that happens but doesn't really affect us too much. but yes, many buddhists celebrate christmas as well as other religious holidays. it is all up to the person, we are all on our own paths.
And Nico Makes Four
Buddhism is just so beautiful. Thank you for explaining.
A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song. - Chinese Proverb
However, I do NOT buy into all the phony baloney "fake fiesta' festiviies. My stepdad controlled our household Christmas every year. Everything hinged on his "mood" In fact, to this day, he still does it! BUT NOT FOR ME!
I've created my "own" family and traditions. DH and I do not get hung up on gift giving, It's for the kids. We have everything we need. I like to walk on the beach or hills on Xmas day.
Have a good meal. Hold my kid.
*Appreciate those who sit around you, for all their faults and their wonders.
.
Christmas makes me anxious, melancholy and a little nauseous. But it also makes me feel excited, smiley and magical. It just depends on the day.
I dread the overload of crap gifts that my kids usually get and have let it be known that we prefer books and clothes. Some of the family repects this and others don't. It's overwhelming, and it makes me feel sick every year when I see the kids with this glut of stuff that they will soon lose interest in. I also feel like it is morally reprehensible of our culture to be participating in this overconsumption of everything when so much of the world is just scraping by or not even that.
But as well I feel guilty for not reciprocating with gifts for all those who "gifted" us as though it indicates a miserliness or ungratefulness in my character. And because DH is totally against the "giftiness" of christmas I end up doing all the christmas shoppingand sometimes I feel it is more obligatory than out of any real joy in gift giving.
But then there is also this part of me that loves seeing familiy and eating big meals and giving and receiving presents. It wacked, it's like it is hardwired into me or something. I get so excited to see the tree all decorated and...O.K. I'll stop.
So this year I'm doing mostly home made or baked gifts and I think this will be my Christmas MO from now on. That way I don't feel like it's about buying but sending my love.
"Meddle not in the business of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup" ~anonymous
I come from a country that is at least 90% atheist. Going to church back in the day could get you in trouble. Hardly anyone believes in god. Christmas over there is more about tradition, families being together, going to get a real tree in the mouintains with your dad...
I think before people even started believing in god it was more of a peasant holiday, almost like thanksgiving here. They hung the tree upside down above the kitchen table, since long time ago families used to live in houses with just one room, so they had to conserve space. They hung nuts and apples on their tree to celebrate their harvest, and that's where ornaments came from.
There's another great tradition back home, December 5th St. Nicholas (looks like Santa) accompanied by an angel and a devil goes around town and gives children oranges, dates, and chocolates. If you've been bad the devil gives you a bag of coal and potatoes. This means Christmas is around the corner and everyone gets in the spirit.Later on, when people started believing in god, the tradition is that "little jesus" brings you gifts on Christmas Eve. The whole family fasts all day Dec. 24th as to see "a golden pig" flying outside your window- don't ask me why....and then at the dinner table, everything is dark except candles and dad would go into the living room, and ring a bell as a sign of little jesus coming and bringing gifts (believing in littlejesus doesnt automatically make you a believer tho).
I guess all I was trying to say is, that it's so different over here. And even though materialism and shopping is for sure taking over Europe too, I feel like people still concentrate on all the traditions much more. I have met a lot of people in this country that say "I hate Christmas" because all it means to them is shopping and stress.
Mabe it's exciting for me cause I am so far away from home so I I try to make everything over here like my family would back home. Fried carp, potato salad, bunch of different kinds of christmas cookies, Sweet vermouth as an aperitif (people think I am crazy when I drink this out- they only use it for manhattans and such, not alone..) it's fun. Shit, I got so into this...better go and clean something
I love Christmas and I also celebrate love and celebrate Kwanza (we only do one day though) and we do both as cultural rituals. We are not a consumerist family on either side of our families so there is no big pressure to buy expensive things for anyone. I love making homemade gifts and they are always received well. for example I make my kids quilts every year for the holidays and they are always so excited by them. I make and give cookies and stuff to extended family members and that's always well received. My husband and I like tech stuff so if we buy expensive things for each other it's stuff like ipods or a new phone or whatever (and even that stuff is not so expensive; my ipod shuffle's battery died and a new battery is about as much as a new shuffle, which is $77), we never buy jewelry. I take that back, he bought me new nipple rings once when I was pierced.
You can choose to redefine what the holiday means to you and ignore the commercialism of it all. It's ok to do that and to set a new tone and goal for your family this Christmas. Try doing fun things with your kids before, during, and after the holiday. Like making decorations to hang around the house, having them help you make cookies, picking out christmas songs CDs at the library and singing to them together around the house. It sounds corny but my kids love doing stuff like this with me and it helps give the house a happy, festive atmosphere. The day after Christmas launches what we call our 'mocha-mocha season', it's just we have cocoa with lots of whipped cream (my kids do; I'm vegan now) and sit sround all day in our pajamas drinking 'mocha-mochas'. We never make them before Christmas no matter how cold it is outside, it's a specific after-holiday ritual we do, LOL. There are lots of little things you can do that don't cost a lot of money to make this holiday fun and bright for you and your wee ones.
love the homey stuff, the baking, the music, the family time, the cheesy christmas specials like rudolph.
h.a.t.e. shopping during this season. i'm largely doing homemade knit stuff, etsy and 10000 villages and a few toys from our locally owned small awesome toy shop. i did get some decorations today at a dollar store. i refuse to allow commercials or regular tv during the holidays. i am doing everything in my power to instill warm fuzzy family love feelings in my kids and really really curbing the "i want stuff" instinct. i am so appalled at it's ugly manifestation in our culture. and if people don't like my homemade/hippie presents, that's their movie.
we do special things to celebrate the solstace too, as i have a good love of pagan and natural traditions. this year we are making edible ornaments for the birdies and squirrels with our good friends and their kids, and hanging them in our trees. we also celebrate the pagan ritual of candlemas (yea, the catholics try to claim it, but uh-uh) in february some years. can you tell i love it all??
we make it our own around here, truly. we are very cheesy and collaborative about the whole thing. luckily dh is on the exact same page about it all so it turns out to be really fun.
Being in retail for years, completely ruined Christmas for me for a long time. It was not until I had kids that I really learned to enjoy it again. DH and I do not go overboard at all--the girls get 3 small gifts, him and I don't exchange gifts, and I try to make everything else for my family members. We have a strict policy of leaving two gifts for Santa to take with him for less fortunate children, so my kids have some sense of giving. We also make them clean out their toys the day after Christmas, so my house and their lives are not overrun with plastic toys. I've really learned to love Christmas through my kids, but I can relate to your feelings as well. I really try to avoid the consumerism and if I have to buy gifts, then I try to buy from non-profits, local artists, etc. At least my money will be put to some good.
Navigation
Who's online
Who's New
- BeachBunny
- gayle.mallinger
- Mamapocket
- mjcwriter
- addie smith
thats a very nice image that you painted, and i hope you guys take lost of pictures through the years!