So I'm "bipolar".

and lots of love!!!!

is there a sliding-fee clinic in your city, or a clinic at your school, that offers mental health care?

when i was in college i had crappy insurance that sounds a lot like kaiser. i could get meds prescribed to me no problem, but to talk to someone, as in get therapy, was out of the question. i went to a place called Neighborhood Involvement Program, which offered gynocological services (paps, birth control, pregnancy tests) with nurse practioners for free or cheap, and mental health therapy with therapists-in-training. it wasn't the best therapy, but it was decent. and really cheap. and most importantly, my therapist helped me realize that i was misdiagnosed with depression by my crappy HMO doctor and did not need the anti-depressants after all.

The psychiatrists are cancelling on you? *sigh* It can be such a pita getting decent psychiatric care. How did you get your diagnosis? (Not arguing -- I'm just curious.) I would keep calling back until you can get in. You should really be under a psychiatrist's care if you have bipolar disorder. I'm not a big fan of throwing meds at every little thing, but where BPD is concerned, sometimes you have to bite the bullet. It's like having diabetes -- the problem is physical, and you have to treat it through physical means.

I have bipolar disorder, too. I'm stable on meds, and I see a therapist regularly. BPD is a physical disorder, a brain chemistry issue, so if you're not stable it's a good bet you need meds. Unfortunately, the meds can be very expensive. On the other hand, since BPD tends to teach you to react inappropriately to things, and since people will often have had dysfunctional reactions to your dysfunction, it's good to see a therapist, both to untangle any psychological detritus and to help monitor your stability.

For resources on bipolar disorder, the first thing you should do is google it. There are a lot of resources on the web. Check out www.nami.org -- it's a national group to support people with mental illnesses. They may be able to point you toward low-cost or free care, and they can probably hook you up with a support group.

Ask your general practitioner if she can help you with resources. Doctors are often hooked up with sources for free health care. If you live in a town with a university, check and see if the graduate psychology program runs a free/sliding scale clinic. Also check with your local hospitals. They may be able to hook you up.

On you own, there are some things you can do to help, although none of them will actually solve the problem. They're more along the lines of not aggravating it. Eat a varied, low-fat diet, easy on the caffeine and the sugar. (For some of us, caffeine can trip off mania, and sugar can aggravate depression.) Exercise each day, outside if you can. But be alert -- if you notice you're manic or agitated after being outside or exercising, scale it back. Learn to recognize if certain things trigger you off to be depressed or manic, and try to avoid those things. Make a note of anything that helps you to calm down, cheer up, or generally feel better, and haul it out when things *start*, not when they get severe.

Be willing to advocate for yourself. If a med isn't working, get back in contact with your doctor and say so. If a med is causing unacceptable side effects, get back in contact with your doctor and say so. If you can, make regular (every three months at a minimum) appointments with a psychiatrist to monitor you. Research the meds your doctor puts you on, and research other meds, too -- I hit my best stable period when I asked my doctor to put me back on a med after I'd done some research indicating that it would be safe if we changed the way I took it.

Educate yourself. There are a bunch of books out about BPD, and as I said, a swath of resources on the web. Check out this site -- http://www.isitreallydepression.com/mini_c/isitreallydepression/link/moo....

Most of all, hang in there. It can be really hard to have BPD, and sometimes you can feel pretty desperate. Ask for help (you can always e-mail me, zanne dot isak at earthlink dot net, if you need to talk to someone who won't judge) when you need it. If it's a real emergency -- you're afraid you might harm yourself or someone else -- go to the ER. It's expensive, but they will get you help.

I think you're taking a great approach here, looking to see what kinds of diverse resources can help. Good luck with it.