"two coasts" - a short first draft, criticisms welcome...*edited to add a few more lines*

growing/evolving slowly...

i need a coast to be by your side -
one that is not mine, but your own.
this is what will keep us safe. sound. certain
in our distance, resting assured
that the breeze will not blow so long
as to bring those apples home.
home,
where i reside.
relying heavily in each hour
upon these long-abandoned territories,
to remain so.
just so.
where he is a child of two
eternal.
and though the days will persist
eternal.
i will not give over to them.
forsaking no others.

(That last line is too much isn't it?)

"I have no country. As a woman, I want no country. As a woman my country is the whole world." - Virginia Woolf

"If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament." - Rose F. Kennedy

Honestly

I was much more moved by the first shorter version. This is probably because that version speaks more to where I am right now. The added half is still really good, I think it might just drift a bit.

Nevertheless (i love using that word for some reason), keep writing mama. You're giving me words to fill up how I'm feeling. I think we're in a very similar place this evening.

"Just because you're better than me, doesn't mean I'm lazy. Just because you're going foward, doesn't mean I'm going backwards. . . Just because I dress like this, doesn't mean I'm a communist" --Lars Fredrickson and the Bastards

Thanks for the feedback dagny.

I definitely cut the last line & keep going back & forth on whether to include the others or not, I like the cadence of it when I read it aloud, but I totally get what your saying about it drifting elsewhere...glad to know someone else's in my same mood.