it was bound to come up...
So there's this guy. After I had my son, I decided I'd be celibate for the rest of my life, which I figured would only last until the rest of my life looked a little different than it did at the time. Well. Two abstinent years and a couple of crushes later, there's this guy, this skater kid, who somehow wrangled me into liking him enough to say that I'm seeing him. Some more background: I'm a single mom, and I'm living with my parents right now. I guess I'm just wondering how this goes, with a kid. I'm pretty sure this guy isn't The One, but yeah, I'm sleeping with him, and I'm not sleeping with anyone else, and we'll see where that goes, and that's great for now, which is all it really has to be great for. But my kid, my kid! We're together all the time, I'm a single mama. My kiddo hangs out with my friends all the time, and I don't worry about the fact that they may not always be my friends, and doesn't my son need stablity, etc. But I dunno. My son isn't dumb, and no matter how cool we play it, I just don't treat the rest of my friends that same way I treat someone that I am romantically involved with. So is it inherently bad to expose your kid to a relationship of whatever commitment level that probably isn't forever? Is it damaging for my son to know that I am having a romantic relationship? Would it be damaging for my son to be involved in that relationship to the extent that he is with every other part of my life-that is, very, but minus the grown-up details and stressful bits that I can help? No one's trying to be his dad, I'm my son's family and I'm not ever going away. I don't know... We wouldn't ever move in with a guy if there wasn't a level of commitment equal to that in marriage in the relationship, but I'm nowhere near that right now. Would it be unhealthy to crash at his house with my kid, not often but even once or twice? Is that awful and trashy and Just Not Done? And once I get a place of my own, which I'm working on, what's y'all's opinion on having a guy over for the night? This is the first time I've started considering these things. It's not like I'm sleeping around. That would be something different altogether. I guess it's just follow your intuition and take it case by case, but. Other single moms? How are you handling the dating thing? Should I not be dating someone who I wouldn't want my kid getting attached to? But come on, man, I was celibate for two years, and I kinda feel like I deserve some good company and a little sweetness, and a steady lay. This was long, sorry. But if you finished: opinions?
I don't have experience with this, but I can't argue your brilliance here:
I kinda feel like I deserve some good company and a little sweetness, and a steady lay.
The fact that you are thinking about it, ensures that you are commited to bringing some class. You know what's cool for your son.
Sounds exiting to me.
BUCK FUSH
It's hard to say what's right and wrong. I was also celibate for two years after my daughter was born, and by the end of that time period I was so horny I could hardly see straight, so I definitely understand your desire/need to get laid. I could also see how living with the 'rents would make it difficult to do all of this.
I guess my own opinion is that I would not take the kid and go spend the night at his place. Questions about where people would sleep, the kid being in a strange place, etc. etc. I just personally wouldn't go that route, even though it would be tempting. If you get your own place and have the guy over, I guess I see that as a little different. The kid will be sleeping in his own bed and will be in his own comfortable environment etc. Different situation. More stable for the kid. Does that make sense? When I started dating the guy I'm seeing now, for the first little while, when he came over, he wasn't invited to show up until after my daughter went to bed, and he was gone in the morning before she woke up. Once we started to get a little more serious, I started inviting him over earlier to have dinner with us and such. It helped that he had a kid, too, so we started getting together to hang out with the kids on weekends, so the kids got to know each of us and eachother in a more play-centered, kid-centered environment.
I don't think it's *bad* for your kid to know that you're in a relationship or to see you in a relationship--not at all. I'm not an expert on these things but I think the damaging part comes in if the kid sees different partners coming in and out of their house and in and out of their parent's life for an extended period of time. I think it can also be a little bit of an issue when the kid starts getting attached to the person. I guess I would try not to get into a situation where the kid develops an attachment if you know you're not going to be with the person for an extended period of time, you know? You don't want them to get attached to a person and then have to say goodbye to the person and deal with breaking the attachment. That sucks.
Now also, you know, even if you feel like this guy is just "for right now" I guess you never know what's going to happen. 
Anyway, if you're thinking about what's best for your kid in the situation I think you can pat yourself on the back--that's important!
can your parents babysit while you go out? I used to go out sometimes after DS had gone to sleep while I was staying with my parents. DS was a pretty good sleeper by then so he didn't even know I was gone and my parents didn't actually have to do anything but be there in case he woke up and needed something. And they never go anywhere anyhow.
"And a political candidate who jumps to conclusions without knowing the facts is not a person you want as your Commander-in-Chief."
-George W. Bush
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