Seeing it coming
It's funny that, even though I grew up with a mother who suffered from depression, I'm still not sure how to best deal with it when I see it happening in others. (Actually, maybe it's *because* I grew up with that and it's so close to me that I don't know how to deal with it.) Nonetheless, you mamas who've had experience with this, I'm wondering if you can give me some thoughts here: when you see depression coming on in a person that you love, what do you do? How do you lovingly tell a person that it might be time to call a therapist, to think about antidepressants again, stuff like that?
It was a very odd thing--I literally saw it this morning in the eyes of a person very close to me. (And yes, by the way, this person does have a history of depression.) The dull, tired, almost-hung-over look that I've seen before in this person's eyes at just that front end of a depressive episode. The I'm-so-tired-but-I-just-can't-get-enough sleep look. And, oddly, when I think about it, I felt it in the person's behavior yesterday, and the day before. It's almost a drifting thing...them quietly drifting away from you, beginning to seem slightly off, slightly disinterested, slightly not-quite-themselves. The thing that scares me about it is that I know what it leads to, and I want to do help the person to try to avoid that if it's possible. It leads to a place that is infinitely more difficult to get out of than it is to get into.
So. How do I bring this up? What can I say? I want to gently but firmly encourage this person to get help *now* before the dark place is reached, if at ALL humanly possibly. Thank you in advance for any thoughts you might have.
Your mother, what has happened? When you get some time will you fill me in on what it was like to be you as a child? HOw did it impact your upbringing and make you feel? What is she like now? Do you think people actualy get over it? or is it there forever?
what you are saying here. Let this person know that you're familiar with the signs (as they should be as well considering they have a history) and are very concerned they are going to wait too long to get help.
and I know how this can feel when you are watching it come on. It sucks. I have found myself tiptoeing around and trying to cajole him out of the symptoms rather than just calling the question. It's a cowardly way to handle it but the depression makes him so irrational that I have allowed it to influence how I behave. I am getting better at it; now I just say, I am seeing some things that make me worry, are you feeling sad? He is often defensive about it but I give him really specific examples, such as, you are saying you are tired all the time; you are staying up till 2 in the morning watching tv; you have stopped returning people's phone calls; you have stopped making to-do lists; you are eating like you are sad. He doesn't always take action right away but it gives him the prompt to think about it and I feel better than if I am passive aggressively trying to manage him. I wish that he would take a more active role in identifying his patterns and triggers, but I feel that way about his asthma, too.
It's a tough place to be in, sorry to hear that someone you love is sad.
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