man if you wanted to hear a person being just happy, here you go.

I haven't posted much, esp. not recently, but I am just so damn happy right now I had to tell someone. I have this kid, right? And he can count to two. And we have dance parties, and He went to bed without fighting it too hard. And my mom watched my kid today, I went on a long ass bike ride, watched trains leave and come back, and now Im sitting on my parent's driveway w/ a laptop drinkin a beer and eatin candy. Man. I guess I'm too happy to express myself in a very moving way, but I am just so content. I'm a mess, but everything is rad and sometimes a mess is the best possible thing to be. I ran into some old friends and bummed a cigarette (gasp!) and they askerd how the baby was. I said, aside from forgetting that I had stopped calling my kid a baby at some point not too long ago, mentioned that he knew the word bar and always wanted to go visit with guys drinkin on the porch at G St. in the middle of the day when we pass by. I say: "well it's not like my kid hasn't hung out in bars before, but it's weird that he's so attached to this place, I've never brought him here." After processing the reaction to my comment, I realized that people don't usually take their kid to the bar, and felt like maybe I was a bad parent, and started to feel self concious about my barefoot biking, sweaty, cigarette bummin, kid at home with grandma self. As I rode away, I mentally cataloged all the times I have actually brought my kid into a bar, or consumed alcohol in front of my kid. I'm glad I thought about it, b/c I came to the conclusion that I am an effin good mom. I have never been over the legal limit w/o a sitter, and the most alarming things my kid has witnessed occured befoer I got a restraining order against his dad- a while ago. I just... yeah. I brought my kid to the batr, we played pool, and he had a really good time. ANd this is a lot of alphabet on a specific subject, and yall don't know me that well, so sorry this is long, but I thinkI'm finally learning what is right, morally and physically, for ME and MY son. We rock out, we geek oput, we have a good time, and we take care of ourselves in the best way we know how. So I'm trying to keep that more important than paperwork and laundry. I feel so good! Go outside, you guys. It's night time! It's summer!