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I don't get it = a little vent

It's been hot up here in our neck of the woods. Late yesterday afternoon some pretty big storms rolled in - hail and 60 mph winds in our neighborhood - and then quit about 7 p.m. when the sun starting peeking out.

So, I told S to put her shoes on that we were going to go out chasing rainbows and jumping in puddles.

She asked if Lucy (our dog) and daddy were coming. I said "Of course!" The dog was more than willing but my I had to twist my husbands arm! I just don't get how he would be unwilling to come outside with us for a half-hour to play. To just revel in the freshness after the storm. To see the joy on his daughters face as she skipped down the sidewalk and found every puddle on our block to jump in. Why would he want to just sit on his ass and watch the idiot box instead of spend time with S - on the days she goes to daycare we only spend 3 hours in the evening with her!

I think I just needed to get that off my chest. Phew. My husband is still not working. It is frustrating. I am sure I am hypercritical but really I just don't get it.

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what chaps my ass

is then he feels left out when DS demonstrates a preference for me. I want to say, if you don't want him to prefer me, how about you play with him a bit more?

Of course my DH plays with DS, it's just sometimes, well, the idiot box or the list of tasks get the better of him.

  • By Monarda at 07/25/2006 - 6:00pm

No kidding!

We just went through this phase where S would only get out of bed for me. If my husband came in she would get hysterical. Well, geez, I wonder why. I think it hurt his feelins but I get up with her 6 mornings a week!

Finally, though, I've figured out that I just need to tell her on Saturday nights that Daddy is getting up with her in the morning and making her pancakes. Ha! Last Sunday she started calling from her room "I ready. You make pancakes. Daddy."

I slept until 9 a.m.

  • By SunshineDaydream at 07/25/2006 - 6:21pm

LOVE IT

I am going to try that one out. My DH NEVER gets up with him unless I am travelling. Even on weekends. I just can't resist going to him. But I am going to try it.

  • By Monarda at 07/25/2006 - 6:31pm

I waited over a year

You know, it did kind of make sense to me that I would get up with her at first. I mean, while she was nursing I basically had to get up anyway.

She weaned around 14 months and it was like a light bulb went on and I thought - why do I not get at least one day to sleep in? (If I remember correctly I was probably fuming at the time).

So, I just said to him that from now on Sundays were his mornings and that I didn't want to see either of them before 9 a.m. Some mornings I sleep. Some mornings I work out. Some mornings I do get up eat with them - if they don't bring me breakfast in bed.

And you know, even in our bad spell when I had to get up with her and get her out of bed for him it was still okay. It was nice to know I had a few minutes to myself.

And they have a good time. He usually makes more elaborate breakfasts than I do. And he lets her help cook.

Give it a try.

  • By SunshineDaydream at 07/25/2006 - 8:12pm

Wow! This happened to me

Wow! This happened to me yesterday. I wanted to take the kids down to the beach and my DH just wanted to stay home. We have not done anything as a family in like a month b/c we have been so damn busy. I got upset and he finally said he would go but before that he said, "Fine, you got your way." What? I got my way? Is my way wanting you to spend time with allof us as a family at the beach? Wow, I am such a demanding bitch!

  • By redmomma at 07/25/2006 - 5:40pm

this is my exact predicament

he pressures (he would say encourages) me to go walking to shed the weight, but never wants to go walking with me (us, now). Even when I was pregnant, I was walking alot by myself, while he stayed home-yup with the tv on, or doing some hobby.
I naturally feel a bit more vunerable with a baby in a stroller, or in my belly especially, and a bit of company would be nice.
Seems like he wants me to get mad and pout in order for him to come, then the walk is not enjoyable! sometimes I feel like I just can't win, and just go walking without him.
He has no idea how much he misses out.
Even just everyday at home, when he doesn't pay attention to our girl and she does something amazing, I used to try and tell him right afterwards, now I don't bother.

__________________

*bliss*

  • By star at 07/25/2006 - 8:07pm

we have that issue here too

Some days it bugs me, and some days I can take it in stride. I read a book about parenting that talks about relating to a child who is an introvert (like my DH) when you yourself are an extrovert (like me). Sometimes when given a choice of being alone or with people (even his own family)he would really rather be alone. Especially, in my DH's case, if it is a spur of the moment plan, which I relish. Me, I have a hard time taking a shower if someone else is home and awake bc I miss being with them.

Sunflower the unflower

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Sunflower the unflower

Mom's Tinfoil Hat
Foodie loves Picky

  • By sunflower at 07/25/2006 - 5:02pm

OMG, I totally feel you on this one...

My DH is a total introvert too. And I'm not. And it sucks. We've kinda worked out a system of sorts, I give him time alone and he doesn't get pissy about me going out without him all the time. We still go out together sometimes, but mostly I go to things without him, even when he's previously agreed to go, most of the time he decides at the last minute he'd rather stay home.

"And a political candidate who jumps to conclusions without knowing the facts is not a person you want as your Commander-in-Chief."

-George W. Bush

  • By dahlia at 07/25/2006 - 7:03pm

ditto

on the introvert/extrovert thing here.
also on the changing mind at the last minute thing.
arrgh. men. Tongue

__________________

*bliss*

  • By star at 07/25/2006 - 8:09pm

Kernel

Another good kernel of wisdom. Thanks.

  • By SunshineDaydream at 07/25/2006 - 5:19pm

sounds familiar

I have to force dh to do certain things with the kids. It just doesn't excite him to watch them swim or blow bubbles. He's a very loving father, but he just doesn't like to play. He's very cerebral, so I'm guessing he'll be much better with them when it comes to homework and science projects. In the meantime, I go around singing "Cat's in the Cradle" a lot.

  • By redtulip at 07/25/2006 - 3:41pm

Lightbulb.

True. True. Yes, my husband is cerebral! Prior to us going outside (while it was storming) and he S were coloring on the floor and they were talking about the pictures in her coloring book. So, it isn't like he ignores her it is just he enjoys different things with her than I do.

Your comment about the homework really made me chuckle. My husband was babysitting my best-friend's 10 yo daughter for a couple of weeks after school and when it ended my friend's daughter said "but I liked going there. He really helped me with my homework."

  • By SunshineDaydream at 07/25/2006 - 4:29pm

I hear you

My husband was sitting at the computer a few minutes after I took the training wheels off of our 5yr old's bike... I thought "what is wrong with him, it's a beauitful day and a great opportunity to teach our child something he will never forget."

Sometimes papas (& mamas) don't realize the importance of those little moments.

"If I could tell the world one thing, it would be we're all okay"-Jewell

  • By mamaruby at 07/25/2006 - 3:02pm

He is working his way there,

He is working his way there, for sure. We've talked about it. He wasn't working for about 3 months last year and it was horrible!

He is in a tough spot job-wise. He had the same job for over 10 years and since parting ways with them he has bounced around (5 jobs in 4 years).

What is really hard is that he hasn't had a lot of crap jobs to fall back on (is. waiting tables, working in a coffee shop, retail, cleaning houses, bartending) because when he was younger his dad would always let him work summers for his business. He mostly did some driving and some warehouse work there. So, he basically "holds out" for a good job instead of just doing something in the meantime. At the same time, he doesn't want our quality of life to change at all!

Add in that while I don't make a ton of dough (I do make enough for us to limp along on) but I am generally considered to be successful as I own my own business.

It is a stressful time at our house, to be sure.

I did ask him about this cuz' it was bugging me. I basically said I wasn't judging him but I kind of just didn't get it. We were having such nice family time and then he wanted to ditch out. Why.

He told me he was just being lazy.

I get that. I truly do. I like to be lazy, too. I just feel like it I need to be lazy AFTER S goes to bed.

  • By SunshineDaydream at 07/25/2006 - 4:37pm

yeah

funny that they get to choose when to be lazy, coz mom will always do it.

__________________

*bliss*

  • By star at 07/25/2006 - 8:17pm

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