B & G Club

Ruby of the Moon's picture


IGGY's picture
Submitted by IGGY on

are you naming the mother? and, if you do plan to confront the mother, then the anonymity is worthless. at least from the standpoint of protecting your kid from chastising about the letter.

might i suggest that you simply name her in the letter, and send her a copy, not naming yourself?

like i said in your other post and like you say here, the really gross part is that parents are facilitating this, and the perv working there makes it dangerous. it conjured up images of drinking weirdos watching the kids play spin the bottle.

i hope your son is ok. i hope you use this to teach him about his personal boundaries and the value of friends. i'm sorry you're so freaked out.

"All you need is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure." --Mark Twain

"You know, i could write a book. And this book would be thick enough, to stun an ox." -- Laurie Anderson

mamasusie's picture
Submitted by mamasusie on

I guess I'm confused, or I missed it in your last post, but what previous scandal?

The letter itself sounds like you are chastizing the parents involved, which is fine, in my opinion. But if that's the case, why not go to the parents directly, and leave the club out of it, or decide if you are really angry at the club's participation and go from there. The reason I point this out is this line: "But in fact the host parent granted permission for this game to be played, with the stipulation that “you don’t do anything.� This is not even appropriate language for a parent at a birthday party in my opinion." I agree. It's not appropriate. But to go to this person's employer (it sounds like they work there?)rather than him or her directly to get the whole story first seems to put the cart before the horse.

As it stands, I applaud you for your convictions, but please make sure that what you heard from your son is exactly correct. Where did 55 seconds come from? Did he time his stay in the closet? I'm asking because, if there is any sort of investigation into this, it's gonna come up.

Written from the experience of three pre and teenaged boys (12, 14 and 16, respectively)- sometimes it is good to get the perspective of other adults who were there before going solely with what the kid said. In our house, I've found that the more detailed a desciption from them is, the more I need to investigate further on my own. Are you absolutely sure that all of the children in attendance were dragged by physical force into a closet and emotionally and physically violated? Could you ask some of the other parents before sending this? It sounds like there were other parents there. Why is it that some adults were there, but not all?

"Step off my big ass."

- Anthromom

733t sewz0r's picture

- it might require more work, but if you go about asking questions, in a respectful but direct manner - ultimately this would probably be more illuminating *and* more effective. I've found direct confrontation, while giving other parties involved time to explain their side of the story, is never a bad idea.

diary of a mad bitch

"Macaroni - let me finish! - salad."

expat mama's picture
Submitted by expat mama on

I think you need to go ask questions & try to find some answers. I think you should use this as an opportunity to fix what is apparently broken. Many parents think this is a good & safe place for their children as well, so get this out in the light so that other folks can be aware, you know?
I know you are furious & that your son iis freaked out. I am so sorry for that. Good luck mama.

Ruby of the Moon's picture

The previous scandal was that the executive director was arrested and charged with possesion of child pornography at the Boys and Girls Club and at his home. He had sexual images of girls younger than 10. This is one of the reasons why I feel that it is important for me to go to the "administration." As far as the parent - the damage has already been done, my kid definately won't go to one of her parties again. But what if things like this are happening there all the time?

Not all of the children were dragged, but most of them. He stayed his fifty-five seconds twice after being dragged in there.
I spoke to another child at the party and another boys mother. But the fact that my son was crying about being dragged into the closet even though he didn't want to play is proof enough that at least he was violated emotionally and physically.
This is my oldest child - so of course it is all new to me, but if the kids were just playing it on their own it's one thing. For the parents to be involved and not protect the kids that didn't want to play is another.

"If I could tell the world one thing, it would be we're all okay"-Jewell

Ruby of the Moon's picture

We had a long talk about friends etc., it seems like he has some self-esteem problems. I am trying to address this, this is such a hard age to be (and a hard age to be a mother of!)
I guess I was planning to let the letter do the work to start off with. Since I put the date and time of the party, the b & g club will know who held it. I haven't confronted the mom, and won't at this point unless it goes into some sort of deeper investigation, and I have too.

"If I could tell the world one thing, it would be we're all okay"-Jewell

mamasusie's picture
Submitted by mamasusie on

This is what I'd do, fwiw...

Certainly voice your concerns to the club. Since they had a previous problem, they need to know.

Try and treat this as two separate incidents, if that makes any sense. To the boys and girls club, state facts. Learn their policies. If they rent their space out for events, is alcohol allowed? What do your liquor laws say about mixing alcohol and kids?Leave out what you think the parents should have been doing, or not doing. If they rent out their space, rules need to be followed, but it isn't up to them to deem what is appropriate language for their guests. Try to divorce yourself from it emotionally, which I know is hard.

Go to the parents directly. Not by writing letters to the papers, or talking to their boss. See them face to face, and find out exactly what went on. Find out from every parent who was there. Do your legwork.

I think I am so adamant about this because I have seen parents - good parents, non-abusive parents - actually lose custody of their children over heresay. You absolutely need to protect your son, but you also need to find out exactly what happened from the parents before you go public with your concerns.

"Step off my big ass."

- Anthromom

Monarda's picture
Submitted by Monarda on

I'd deliver the letter personally to the executive director AND chair of the board of directors of that facility rather than going anonymously. And I would carbon copy every board member.

I would not take it up with the mother I would take it up with the club. Yes the mother who hosted/staffed the party is personally responsible, but this was not a private party as I understand it, it was a party at a nonprofit organization that is open to the community. That is a whole new ballgame. They are responsible for making sure that their facility is safe and that their staff follow the rules. The presence of alcohol has GOT to be a violation and if it isn't then they should be shut down.

I know you want to protect your son and that is why you are going anonymously, but this is serious stuff and I think if you go to those in charge with the statement that you would like to protect your son they will comply. They won't want this public.

Speak truth to power and don't be afraid. You are protecting not only your son but many others.

motherfluffer's picture

great advice. and once you've found out all the facts, you could also call the local paper and ask them to write a story about it --if you feel it's necessary to inform the public of what went down. or carry on with sending a letter to the editor. but i think it's essential to get more of the facts surrounding this situation first.

i'm sorry you and your son are having to deal with this.