Discipline tips for a 22 month-old
Hey mamas, I need some advice. I found out today that my normally delightful son threw a toy at a kid in his day care, and split the kid's lip open. His day care lady is awesome, and I feel terrible that she's in the position of having to explain to someone else why their kid is going home with a bloody lip. To make matters worse, ds has an arm like a major league baseball pitcher. He throws rocks in the pool, throws spoons at my head, threw a rattle across the room into someone's wine glass the other day, etc.
Whenever he does it, I grab his hand, get down to his level, look him in the eye and say, "NO!" in a firm, authoritative voice. He usually tries to worm away from looking me in the eye, or tries to smile or giggle. I'll repeat it a few times, and toss in a couple "We do NOT THROW"s for good measure. DH does the same thing. I really don't think it is making a dent. But it's not cool when it's hurting other kids.
If anyone has some tips for how to get through to the little guy, I'm all ears...
and whenever he did it I would say, we don't throw toys, but we can throw balls, and I would get a ball and play ball with him. Sometimes he would not play ball because of course he was all about throwing shit that was forbidden, but it helped me to be a broken record and give him an alternative, and eventually (for the most part) it sunk in.
i have no advice but ness is the exact same way. she "clears" things as in if she brings a toy to the table she uses her arms and swipes everything else off the table. it drives me nuts.I'll be watching for good advice.
Jessica
We do not inherit the land from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children....don't know who to give the credit to saw it outside my library.
Jessica
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~~Dr.Seuss
Your baby isn't a baby anymore, but he's just teetering into toddlerhood, so there's alot of things he's learning. My son, Riley, used to bite. He'd draw blood he bit so hard. Everytime he would do it, I would hold his upper arms (after getting down on his level) and say, "We do not bite." Then Terry or I would go on to use logic to make Riley understand what he was doing was hurtful. It's hard to use logic with a two-year-old, and it took awhile, but it worked. Riley is fairly logical now, so it's really helped.
1. Take him to a place where he "can" throw (like pebbles in the ocean, lake, pond, or balls in the park yard, etc..)
2. maybe he's ready to start "time outs?' One minute per year (so he's almost ready for 2 minutes?).
I started them with Mia and, if I folow the right protocol (warning 1x, set on stool, get down to her level, etc) they seem to work a lot. Just saying NO gets old for my dd.
The problem with kids who throw, bite, spit is they become quite unpopular and it's really not thier fault being so young. When I say, "unpopular" I'm not meaning it in a highschool poplarity way, just an almost natural process where kids begin to avoid them in preschool, etc... I know if some kid was throwing hard toys at my dd and the behavior continued, I would be concerned for her safety at daycare. Hope this makes sense, becuase at the end of the day, toddlers are still learning and we can't be too harsh. I just know my dd best friend started body slamming her to the ground and his mother, my friend, has been super vigilant with him to stop that behavior.
What did the preschool teacher do after the incident?
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I don't know if this will help - it has been suggested to me that if my son does stuff I hate to ignore it when I can (not possible with some stuff, obviously) in case its attention based.
Also to teach him to do the behavior I hate in a ok way - so throwing balls at a fence (with a target) or baby bowling or whatever, and to teach it with a word, like "throw" or whatever and then when he throws something at, say, me, I would respond with "we throw balls at the target". Of course this doesn't really address hurting other kids.
They have that book on positive discipline (same name) and how to talk so kids will listen... book and both have been helpful to me, and both cover some stuff from a very young age. A lot of cool info and damn its hard to do it sometimes.
The leader of my baby group told us that until kids are 3 (?) that saying "no don't throw things" doesn't come across as "no, do not throw things" but just kind of reminds them of the idea of throwing things. And that big emotional reactions to behavior can keep the behavior going, not because of attention, but because it makes such a big impression on them. But I don't know about that really.
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When DH went to pick him up yesterday, she told him about the incident, then said that she told ds "No!" pulled him out of the yard where the other kids were playing, and "had a talk" with him about throwing. She's a pretty gentle person, but can be firm when she needs to be. When we first started, ds bit a kid, and we jumped all over it, telling him No! whenever he did it, and it stopped. But this throwing thing seems to be getting worse - he never used to actually throw things at people.
I like the idea of putting him in situations where it's OK, then making rules like, "We do not throw inside the house" or "We do not throw at people". It's just getting them to sink in that I'm worried about. I think I'll try the time-out sequence, and see if it works. It would be such a relief to have some sort of protocol in place, something that would help him understand that what he did was unacceptable. He's teething right now, which makes him extra edgy, but I know he knows when he's done something wrong.
Thanks to everyone for your suggestions! This gives me something to work with!
"Everything looks perfect from far away." - The Postal Service