Monarda?
How are things? Did you go to the doctor yesterday?
PM if ya want...
On Monday my pregnancy hormone counts were down to 6 (from 37) so I did indeed miscarry over the weekend. I knew this of course, because I was bleeding and there was no way I could convince myself that it was just spotting.
It was a wierd experience mostly because I didn't really remain present to it. The reason is because I had committed to visiting a friend who lives a 5 hour drive away over the weekend. She is a breast cancer survivor and every year we do the Race for the Cure together to mark her survivorship. It is a really important milestone to her, and I wasn't feeling bad physically, so I decided to go. The hard part was, she has not been able to have kids because of her cancer and while she has adopted two and loves them to pieces, she is still working through some grief and anger regarding the loss of a choice to have biological children. This grief was refreshed for her recently so I was not sure if I was going to share about the miscarriage. Turns out I didn't--put my toe in the water in conversation about us trying for #2 and it was clear she was not in a good place to talk. So I kind of had to ignore the bleeding and what it meant. Plus the driving with DS (DH was out of town) and the general stress that goes with staying in another person's house... and then I had a business trip Tuesday through today. Kind of kept my mind occupied but my spirit untended.
Anyway. Probably more info than you wanted. I was only 4-6 weeks along. I am now sure that this is the second time in a row that I have had an early miscarriage--same basic MO last cycle. So I am going to see a specialist to try to rule out any kind of systemic problem. And my lovely DH is taking DS to the in-laws overnight tomorrow so that I will have 24 hours alone in my own house. I plan to go to the farmer's market and buy myself some flowers, and garden all day, and sleep, and journal about this very topic.
Thank you so much for asking Sunshine. It makes me feel really comforted.
glad you'll have some time to yourself to integrate all of this.
i don't know if this is helpful, but i'm pretty certain i had an early miscarriage {roughly 6 weeks} immediately prior to the ovulation that resulted in my dd. from what i understand, the vast majority of fertilized eggs are shed. only something like 20% successfully implant and last past 6-8 weeks. when i was trying to get pregnant the first time, i read a ton about human fertility, and frankly, it's amazing that any of us get here. the thing is, though, that we do, and i have faith that your next wee one will, too.
sorry if that was less helpful than i meant it to be. you're in my thoughts. take care of yourself.
"if i pass for other than what i am/do you feel safer?" ~lani ka'ahumanu
www.walkingthewalls.blogspot.com
"if i pass for other than what i am, do you feel safer?" ~ lani ka'ahumanu
dragon knows dragon
In my head I have been prepared for this to take a while and even for the potential of miscarriage, considering my age and all (39). But emotionally I wasn't quite prepared. It helps to know that it could just be part of the process rather than a sign that I can't do it at all. Thank you for the support.
and i'm glad it does help. and hey, i've known plenty of people who were surprise! babies in their mamas' forties. you have some wiggle {pardon the pun} room. ::fecund mama vibes:: for you!
"if i pass for other than what i am/do you feel safer?" ~lani ka'ahumanu
www.walkingthewalls.blogspot.com
those are kind words. And thanks again for reaching out. It means alot.
peace to you mama. I hope you feel better soon. I know your pain. Glad you get to have the house to yourself for awhile.
Jessica
We do not inherit the land from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children....don't know who to give the credit to saw it outside my library.
Jessica
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~~Dr.Seuss
so sorry to hear this... let us know if there is anything we can do to help!
"buy myself some flowers"
i wish i could send you some... these will have to do:
By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class.
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Oh, Monarda, I'm so sorry.
"Step off my big ass."
- Anthromom
oh man Monarda. i'm so sorry and a bug huge hug for you! it's all prety fresh for me right now. it helped to have a whole week so i could not think about anyone else but me! i hope it won't be raining for you - the sky looks cloudy this morning.
I was thinking about you. It does look stormy, but rain or shine, I will be able to take some time for me and that will be good. Thanks again for the support.
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I am sorry for your loss. I can certainly understand why you felt disconnected during the actual event. I am glad that you will get some alone time to process as you need to.
I think it is amazing that you were able to forge through your own loss to be a support for your friend. That's pretty cool. I hope your friend realizes what a true friend you really are and how much you love her and value her in your life.