Submitted by Boomalicious on Sun, 03/12/2006 - 1:21pm
I got such a laugh out of this. My DH is great, but I see a lot of us in this excerpt...
Figure It Out? Figure It Out? O.K., You Figure It Out!
By CATHERINE LLOYD BURNS
Published: March 12, 2006
IN my next life I'm coming back as a man. I will have sex with my wife and knock her up, and then in the hospital I will watch while she figures out how to get the baby out of her. And after my daughter is born, I will play with her when I'm in the mood and stop when I'm not, and I won't get all psycho about it. I will throw her up in the air super high and get her wound up right before she's supposed to go to sleep, and then I will let my wife, her mother, put her to bed.
I will have the best body I've had in years because having a newborn means that I will get up so early in the morning, I will end up going to the gym regularly. If my child doesn't eat or sleep or move her bowels for days or weeks on end, I won't worry about it.
"Would you stop worrying?" I will tell her mother, my wife. "What do you get yourself so worked up for?"
And then I will go out. I will enjoy life more than I did before I had children because fatherhood has shown me dimensions of my heart I could never have imagined, and everyone I know will agree it's made me a much better man. At night I will sleep like a baby because I am a man. I know it is my wife, her mother, whom my daughter will hate in 14 years. Not me.
Taken from:
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/12/fashion/sundaystyles/12love.html
so funny. can't wait for
so funny. can't wait for the book.
thanks for posting.
what a great column
I really enjoyed that. And glad that Mr. and I offset each other as well, and that baby is getting enough sleep!! :L
we've got to let love rule
~l. kravitz
I love it!
I need this book! I like:
"I'm sorry, honey. I should have just been thanking you. That was so nice of you to do the shopping. Really. I just don't understand how you could not go to Esposito's. It's right next door to the cheese store. When they didn't even have the fennel ones, why didn't you just think to go next door?"
He starts yelling at me. He accuses me of torturing him. He's pounding his finger into the desk to illustrate how I pretend to apologize and then continue to stick it to him. Part of me thinks: Forget it. I'm fussy about food, and if that is the price the world has to pay for me getting over an eating disorder 20 years ago, then so be it.
But I've heard this before. I've seen the finger-pounding-into-the-desk gesture before. People tell me I am a bully. The speechwriter I dated before I met my husband explained to me, in a museum, after I kept showing him over and over a painting I loved, that he saw it the first time I pointed it out and that he didn't like it.
That's the best part of the
That's the best part of the story.
I wish she'd kept on like that, taken it to its logical conclusion--about how, as a man, I'd go to work every day, then come home and rest while my wife cooked dinner, bathed, dressed, fed and put my kid to bed, then I'd get mad at her for not wanting to have sex with me because she was "too tired", even though I was feeling fine. Then, after I yelled at her, I'd go to sleep, while she fumed beside me, because my needs were taken care of.
And in the morning, I'd get up 10 minutes before I had to go to work, and my wife, for some reason, as she was making lunch for the kid, and getting ready to take her to daycare, would be mad at me, so I would give her the cold shoulder, cuz I don't want her bad attitude to ruin my day. And I'd walk to the donut shop, buy myself a donut, coffee, a pack of ciggies, and play the lotto, while my wife would drop the kid off at daycare and then go to work.
And after a while, I would get tired of my wife always being tired and complaining about bills, and never putting out, so I'd start spending more time on the internet, chatting with hotties, then, because I'm a man, and I have to get laid, I'd hook up with some woman who really liked me and understood me, then my wife would find out and cry and try to lay some guilt trip on me, then that bitch would walk out on me, but I'd get her back by not giving her a fucking cent to take care of that kid that I never really wanted, why the hell did I ever get involved with that bitch, she ruined my life. Then I'd have a beer and watch "The Simpsons".
www.placentamusic.com
http://groups.myspace.com/hipmamablog
www.placentarocks.com
HA
Sounds familiar - except my ex just fucked my childless friends (and one with a kid - sad) who were still up to going out and drinking every weekend with him...
Sunflower the unflower
Sunflower the unflower
Mom's Tinfoil Hat
Foodie loves Picky
yeah, i SOOOO like your ending better
hers sucked iin my mind, i feel she whimped out TOTALLY
i was let down, i was bummed by her"naet little package" ending
i felt cheated
"i have a dream, one day we hipmamas will change the world, {not just one diapie at a time} for a better tomorrow"
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/backontrackcarepacks/
"Do not speak--unless it improves on silence." ~ buddhist saying
kinda fitting
or in some ways too fitting of my husband sometimes - though he is more caring. But I am so glad I am the mom because my son is (well, right now at least) totally apeshit over me. Though I long for the occasional hour to myself to do creative stuff or a night of unitterupted sleep I wouldn't trade any of the baby stuff.