Breastfeeding Advice Sought
Hi Ladies:
Sorry I haven't been around much. We were out of town for a few days and then came home to fourteen kinds of bullshit that needed to be dealt with.
I could use some mama wisdom on a topic that is, I know, in the bigger scheme of things, pretty trivial. Nevertheless. Here's my situation. I've never been what you might call the most "giving" person on the planet. Especially when it comes to personal/physical autonomy issues. I like my solitude. Before BD and then Hank came along, I was one of those people who could disappear into my house for days without having any human contact. Part of this, I suppose, is the nature of my work. I'm a writer and have cultivated the desire/necessity of being alone for many, many hours/days at a time.
So, Hank's 14 months old. I'm still breastfeeding him about 4 times a day. Which really isn't all that much, I know, but lately EVERY time I go to nurse him, I have this overwhelming desire to flee. I mean, it's a physical response, deep in my belly. He begins to nurse and I have to fight the urge to just stand up and RUN AWAY.
I should add here that, in spite of my innate selfishness, I've really really enjoyed breastfeeding. Until now. Now, I just want him OFF MY TITS.
But then I start thinking about how young he is and that once he's weaned you can never go back and how he'll probably be an only child (I'm 38) and so this is my only chance to do this and I become very sad. Then he wants to nurse again and I want to run away. Here are my questions: Is this an even remotely normal feeling? Have any of you had this experience? How did you deal with it? When did y'all wean?
I thank you kindly for any and all input. All best, EW.
P.S. I know this is a hot topic, so I promise in advance not to be offended by any response. Please. Tell me what you think!
I think that is a totally normal feeling. I remember watching this dog get up and turn in circles just to get her puppies off her tits for a few minutes. After my kid was about a year old, I felt just like that dog.
*petty thief extraordinaire*
* I'm all fight and no flight *
I was writing mine as you posted yours.
its the animal in us.
I weaned a little after age two.
*petty thief extraordinaire*
well sometimes I gritted my teeth and felt pissed off and other times breastfeeding was a blissful union. I did get a whole day off once a week though, my mom would take him for the day and feed him food while I enjoyed a nurse free day. Maybe creating some space for yourself where you weren't nursing all the time would help?
Once he was weaned, we did go back though. About a month after we had fully weaned we moved and there were a few times where my son looked me right in the eyes and said "I REALLY need to nurse" and I could tell that he really did. After the trauma of the move was over I stopped again pretty easily but every once and a while he still talks about it. Just this morning my son put his head down my shirt and said 'your boobs smell delicious!'
That should be on a t-shirt!
Mrs Sauce, I have to say that I feel badly for my DS, who is beginning to talk now, because your adorable boy has my expectations so very high for the adorable, witty & so very flattering things he will say. Please pardon my saying but your son is too f*cking cute! 
"I have no country. As a woman, I want no country. As a woman my country is the whole world." - Virginia Woolf
"I have no country. As a woman, I want no country. As a woman my country is the whole world." - Virginia Woolf
"If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament." - Rose F. Kennedy
aw thanks. He is a riot but also a wild handful. Pretty soon your son will be calling your boobs delicious too!
*petty thief extraordinaire*
My DS is 20 months and I have been feeling this for about 14 months!
Maybe in my case it is sheer laziness counterpoint with his tenacity that keeps us going. I am not willing to cause the depression that I saw in him when I was in surgery and he got no boob milk for 3 days. For us the time isn't right. He is needy right now and nurses alot when we are at home.
I guess all I can do is commiserate with you. If you really need to end it, that is up to you. Just know your feelings are totally natural.
I always feel like a mom cat trying to get up with kittens still attached, dragging along, me hissing.
I relaxed a bit as Ig got older. I have had 3 drinks and nursed him. It is a bit different when you child is no longer an infant. I find that a beer here and there really helps. Have you tried having a girls night out? How about a weekend out. Pump twice a day and you won't lose your milk. I went three days with no nursing and contemplated weaning (couldn't do it). It refreshed our relationship.
I am not there yet (DD is 6 mos. and still going strong), but from what I've heard from friends, this is totally normal to feel this way (i.e., other women have gone before you here). I think it's your body's way of telling you that it's time to stop. (That's just my take on it.) If you're resenting it, it's not good for you, anyway. Don't feel guilty--you've gone to 14 months, which is fantastic. I hope you get some helpful advice. Just wanted to throw that .02 in.
Normal for me! Glaring red sign for me that said "Wean!" was when I started to actually, truly hate nursing. Like, dreading it, being annoyed by it, all that. The only thing keeping me there was the convenience factor, and that was starting to diminish when you take into account night nursing. So, a little after my son was 2 I wenaed him. It was short and sweet, no tears, no drama...I had been having those feelings since he was about 13 months or so.
There is no right time chart, when you are ready you are ready.
Proud Supporter of Guilt-Free Parenting!
oops, double post
I don't think I can add much more than the other mamas. Just letting you know we're in the same boat. DD is 18 months now and there are times when I'm mentally cursing the situation. Especially the night weaning. I want to wean. I can't imagine weaning. I can't decide if my frustration/resentment is worse than hers would be if we really, truly, weaned. I do think when the resentment is stronger than the intimacy it is time to stop. Sounds like you have had a wonderful, long nursing relationship, and you shouldn't feel guilty about your deisre to reclaim your breasts. You and your son will have a million different ways to feel close to each other outside of nursing.
i could have said this myself about 2 months ago. now i am fine. it seems to come in waves for me and i am trying to hold out for the self-wean. as if...
"Stealin', stealin', pretty mama don't you tell on me
I'm stealin' back to my same old used to be" The Memphis Jug Band
i do get a night off though - while dd is with her dad - but i hear you. especially the nap time nursing for me right now. she hates to nap and wants to be nursed the entire time. driving me freaking crazy. but i think it does come in waves, like mamabambaloo said. also trying to hold out for the self wean - probably b/c everyone around me is like, she's still nursing? fuck em.
"you can't get to freedom on Pharoah's chariot" - MLK Jr.
read read and do some more reading while you are nursing.
i've read so many books this past year...and i attribute it all to nursing.
ds is 1 year and we're still going strong with the nursing. my problem isn't that i want to flee but sometimes it makes me a little crazy that he wants it so much from me when i'm around. like...he spends the day with his dad...and only has a bottle of milk at naptimes and is perfectly fine. he spends the day with me and it seems like everytime he gets a little bored/ hungry /sad / hurt / irritate he comes over and puts his mouth on me. it's not the mouth on me that bothers me...it's just the bordom nursing that gets annoying. oh yeah...and this morning he bit my thigh when I didn't hop to it fast enough.
is this what they call on demand nursing?
anyway...i always have about 5 books going and make sure they are easy to get to because i don't want to be done nursing anytime soon.
but you know what...i could stop at anytime and be perfectly happy with my nursing experience. your guy is 14 months...the way i see it you could stop at any time too and be happy with the wonderful, nutritous, bond that you set up with your bebe.
don't cave in to the heckler in your head making you feel guilty. do what makes you happy.
There have DEFINITELY been days that I have felt like this. And like the others said, it goes in waves. I'd feel frustrated most often at night when we were co-sleeping. She's been sleeping in her bed now for about a month (at least for the majority of the night.) That has made a big difference in my outlook during the day. For me, the hard days either meant that she was going through something difficult herself and needed me more often (not just for nursing)or it meant that I was neglecting myself and give give giving all day and nursing seemed like just one more example of how "tied down" I was. You will know if it's just a hump or if it's time because if it's only a hump, it will be over about the time that you have decided there is just no way you can take it anymore.
That hits me, too, as a physical feeling in my stomache sometimes.
No answers for you. Mine is 2, and I nurse more often than you, but I do give myself permission to say "ENOUGH!" or "No, not right now." when I feel like it.
I always like to think of mama cats, running away as babies dangle, then drop off their nipples onto the floor. From what I understand, primates gently push weaning, too.
If you only nurse 4 times a day, perhaps you are already in the process of gradual weaning. Perhaps you need more alone time, too. Us introverts need to be ALONE to recharge our batteries. Not something that always goes hand in hand with motherhood, but necessary to give this to ourself so we may have something to give to our babes, too.
Not selfishness. It's weird - I never felt this way with Jimmy, and he nursed for 2 1/2 years. But I did with Allie, and she was weaned MUCH sooner - at about 13 months. Sometimes I do wish that I had held out a little bit longer, but I also have great faith in what my body/mind is telling me, and in my case, I think they were kind of gently pushing weaning. I think that with two children, and two other steps (this was during the summer, when the boys were here full time), it was just so much harder for me to carve out that total immersion time with the baby that I had with the first. I don't know if that makes any sense. Anyway, I started to feel a little bit resentful, Allie was eating well, and eventually we just stopped. No stress, no trauma. I think all kids are different, and life situations are, too.
Just make sure that weaning is what you really want to do if that's the route you take - I agree with the other mamas here who recommend taking a break, if you can.
"Step off my big ass."
- Anthromom
Navigation
Who's online
Who's New
- BeachBunny
- gayle.mallinger
- Mamapocket
- mjcwriter
- addie smith
So do you mind if I ask when you weaned?