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Coming out of the sleep deprivation closet

I have slept through the night 4 times in 4 1/2 years.

I have always parented by instinct for the most part...leaning toward attachment. I always carried my little ones. I breastfed for 1.5 yrs each or more. If in a situation they were leary of letting go, I kept holding on. I must say, they are very well adjusted socially,smart and loving. They had no problems starting preschool around 3. I dont not regret the attachment parenting except:

THEY DO NOT SLEEP ALONE.

My oldest is the biggest problem. 4 1/2 years ago when she was born, she found my hair. As soon as she could figure out how to move her fingers, she started playing with my hair. We coslept and breastfed from the beginning with her noodling my hair all night. I remember when she was 18mos and I was 8 mos pregnant with my second daughter, thinking... how am I going to do this with two? Well, now I have one noodling my hair and one stroking my face. We have an incredible physical bond. But holy hell, I need some sleep.

There have been several times where I was making such great progress. The girls were sleeping in their own beds through the night - getting up once but easily brought back to their beds. I have been alone for a few weeks now (dh travelling) and the bed got bigger so now everyone just crawls in and I have lost any progress I have made and I am too tired to keep trying.

The reason I am writing this is because of Danger kittys recent blog about nighttime. I thought I could never let my kids cry it out. But honestly (said with some tears here) I wish I had worked harder on sleeping for them when they were younger. I distinctly remember times where we were almost there. I should have pressed on, encouraged more. But I let a minor illness (or my need for cuddling) get in the way and bring us back to square one.

Am I the only one with a 4yr old who doesnt sleep though the night? I feel like a failure in this regard. Everything else I can say with total confidence I have done my best. And with sleeping, I do what i think is best at the time but I wish I had more of a long term vision. Maybe I will start tonight. I tried last night, but I get too tired...

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Boomer is so 2005.

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Timetable

I think the hardest part about parenting-by-instinct is that sometimes our kids are not on our timetable, ya know? They are their own developing little people and little things may just be indicators of lifelong patterns that are going to develop for them in their life (ie. not sleeping well.) Our job is to help them navigate it.

Sounds like you are doing just that!

  • By SunshineDaydream at 01/19/2006 - 2:05pm

Thanks. It's hard to know

Thanks. It's hard to know what is nature and what is nurture. I guess we just do our best. Of course, after all this complaining of her not sleeping, she came down with a fever today. That makes me think firstly, that likely is a cause of recent regressions and secondly, it makes me think... imagine if she was a very sick child all the time. I would be eterntally thankful for the cosleeping closeness and memories.

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Boomer is so 2005.

  • By Boomalicious at 01/19/2006 - 9:06pm

I don't know...I may face

I don't know...I may face this problem too.

How bout this, though: In 20 years, think how precious this will all seem to you. I doubt that when they are leaving your nest you'll be thinking, I wish I'd had them in their own beds earlier.

  • By jmoon at 01/19/2006 - 8:55am

It is a problem some days.

It is a problem some days. other days its a gift. As tired as I can be, waking up with those little smiles is the brightest part of my day. So yes, defintely incredibly precious memories.My little one wakes me up every morning stroking my face. Then when I open my eyes, she giggles and I giggle and she says "Lets go play!". It is a wonderful way to start the day. I just wish I could sleep through the night and have the mornings. THat is actually what we had going for a little while... they could come in when the sun rises. I am going to work toward that again.

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Boomer is so 2005.

  • By Boomalicious at 01/19/2006 - 9:09pm

I tried once before but it

I tried once before but it became a source of insecurity for S. She tried and just couldnt do it and felt like a failure... starting the day crying because she once again didnt get her sticker. That lasted two days. They are just too young to feel like failures. Maybe I should start doing rewards chart for minor accomplishments like... only getting up once during the night to get them excited. That might work. If I just wasnt....so.... damn....tired I could make one.

When we move I think they will be out of their teeny toddler beds and I will try to start new rules in the new house. Maybe the change of scenery will help them break old habits.

__________________

Boomer is so 2005.

  • By Boomalicious at 01/19/2006 - 9:13pm

Thanks Springtime.

I should get that book!! I didnt know. I will definitely check it out.

Exhaustion does make parenting so much harder. At least they are both napping now so I have some quiet time.

__________________

Boomer is so 2005.

  • By Boomalicious at 01/19/2006 - 9:15pm

with ya sister. I always

with ya sister.
I always found the whole sleep deprivation thing to be my single biggest parenting gripe and the leading constributor to my demise.
Feeling your pain, night after night. We don't co-sleep now, but we did, and I probably won't do it again past the age of like, 3 or 4 months, simply because I am a better person (parent) when I get a little sleep. I don't knock co-sleeping, but I am wise enough now to know that when it works it works, when it does not, stop.

  • By whoanelly (not verified) at 01/19/2006 - 2:13am

I love co-sleeping but I

I love co-sleeping but I just can't take it anymore! I need my bed back. I am going to try to get them to sleep in their beds until the sun comes up so I get my morning cuddle in....

Exhaustion is awful! It makes me scream and yell and I am generally pretty even tempered. If I were well rested I would be so much more fun to be around.

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Boomer is so 2005.

  • By Boomalicious at 01/19/2006 - 9:17pm

I have learned this lesson

I have learned this lesson the hard way too. While I think co sleeping is great and will do it for the first few months with my new baby, I will be working on getting this kid into his/her own bed a lot sooner. I am a way way better parent over all when I get more sleep. I try to do the whole "when they are older I will look lovingly towards that time we spent together" rationalization, but when they are older I don't want my kids to remember me yelling and crazy all the time. Which is what happens when I don't get any sleep.

"Women constitute half the world's population, perform nearly two-thirds of its work hours, receive one-tenth of the world's income and own less than one-hundredth of the world's property." (U.N. Report, 1980)

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* I'm all fight and no flight *

  • By mrs. sauce at 01/19/2006 - 2:12pm

I totally agree with wanting

I totally agree with wanting to cosleep but needing sleep.

If I could do it all over again I would cosleep until about 2 1/2. That was the ages my dds seemed ready to be on their own. So I would gently encourage that and not cave so easily. I think they other thing with us is that our house is so teeny the girls have the toddler beds - the size of cribs. very cute but no room for me. If they had bigger beds, I would be able to settle them in at night and possibly doze off for a while and then hit the road. Now, if the need reassurance it is in our bed which is getting very very crowded!

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Boomer is so 2005.

  • By Boomalicious at 01/19/2006 - 9:21pm

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