This is not really that related, but the other day my son had only a pink onsie on (I like pink and its extra large and cool on a hot day....see even I need to justify) Me and papa where so very interested in the reactions from the general public. One woman, "what a cute little girl!", "oh, he's a boy (real casual)". She says "THAT's a BOY?!!?? (ugly look on face, pointing finger). Another woman "what a beautiful little girl" , (same response from papa), "oh...well...what a hansome boy." ?????? why can't he be beautiful?

I know plenty of people have gotten these reactions before, I'm not surprised by them. We dress this kid in green satin pants and hot pink stripes....tha's the way his dad dresses, his dad that is a SAHD, does the grocery shopping, cooks, cleans and rubs my feet.

One thing I have tried to be really conciuos about is not complementing little girls on their clothes/hair, even though its funny, its what I notice (my mind..."oh, check out those awesome stripped tights with plaid dress and crazy hat") I just keep it to myself. I just try to find something else to talk about. I think I read something somehwhere that said little girls get complemented on their appearance 10 times more than little boys, reinforcing that that is what is most important.

I actually think my Bradley course was a pretty good de facto empathy/kindness course for men.

To me feminism has always been about feminising men, not masculinising women. As far as I can tell, women have the supperior way of living with others for the most part. Feminism is usually taken to mean that women want to be equal to men, on the man's level when really, the men should be equal to our higher standards.
I do teach my boy empathy and we work alot on reading how other peopel feel and how we can help them. like empathy/kindness 101, nomad... I often go out of my way to help people and never really notice it. I know this pays off, too. My boy came home yesterday and said he wasn't going to wear his pirate-flag shirt (showing different pirate flags) to school anymore. He said a girl at school was upset that there was a naked semi-skeleton on one of the flags. So he said he didn't want to upset her. But I havae to say it was hard not to tell him that she can't dictate what he wore until I realised his intentions behind not wearing the shirt. He was being nice. How can I discourage that?
Unfortunately, that makes our boys more likely to be picked on. Something really needs to change. The kids are the best place to start.
How would you all go about making empathy a desirable trait for the general population?
I don't know...
And Battgirl, that is only part of why my daughter has never seen real television in her life! And the mags we get are things like utne reader and mother earth news. Even with those we talk about ad deception and media portrayal.
And you're right. a lot pf the problem is that women feel they should liek the "bad boy" and we need to work on our daughters as well...
and me, being optimistic 5ive () feels that we are making a difference already. you and me and nomad and redmama and mamaneen and and and...
"I should care, but I don't"--my lovely 3 year old daughter...

we are starting to see some boys/men in women's studies classes, so that's a start. spread the word about this idea, 5ive, and maybe it'll spark the anti-sexist equivalent of pr*misekeeper meetings.

"if i pass for other than what i am/do you feel safer?" ~lani ka'ahumanu

because men are supposed to be hard core and dickheads. Imagine how many seemingly cool dads may even object in immasculating their son by attending that much needed class?I agree totaly with you, but we are not the norm. Personaly after years of observing human nature i can say with conviction that women fancy assholes like the nice guys say and the nice guys do finsih last. Even in my little indie rock vegan punky colored or dreadlocked hair little world that i socialize in, most women look down on "wimps". Sad, but true. Remember highschool where the violent athletic asshole that had a sharp tounge and would beat up anyone physicaly or verbaly at a whim? Remember how popular he was even though no one liked him? How about that male friend of yours or your husband or family members thats a total womanizing fuck? But hes good looking and people call him a ladies man and it never stops women from getting tangled in his deceitful asshole cheating ways cus hes in a band or looks like Lenny Kravitz.
When men being assholes is not cool, maybe it will also be fashinable to be a size 12, or to not blow up innocent children in foreign countries because of disagreements by rich people.
I love in the movie 'Spun' where Debbie Harry beats up that guy in the party store for smacking his girlfriend and uttered something along the lines of 'Men are sick and need healing' then casually walks away. Incidentaly, she is sleeping in his arms at the end of the movie. The girlfriend that is, not Big Joan our fearless dyke leader
I recommend a book called "How to raise strong Daughters" It has tons of tips on how to reprogram your daughters to not accept or admire those predominat harmful aggresive yet popular personalities alot of men subscibe to. Theres alot of simple advice on how to do damage control and starteling statistics, like by the time a girl is five shes been subjected to a crazy amount (can't think of it exactly but a crazy amount like 500) televised scenes of male on female violence.

I guess it is up to us. I am working on empathy/kindness 101 with my boys.

Something to freaking think about! Why should woman become more aggressive? Why can't men learn to become more sensitive? Good question 5ive!