The 8 Most Embarrassing Things about My Mother
by Maia Swift

Excerpted from Whatever, Mom: Hip Mama's Guide to Raising a Teenager by Ariel Gore with Maia Swift . . . available now!

1. Dyes her hair every time she gets a gray--and it’s obvious.

2. Wears her own company’s T-shirts with ripped jeans and biker boots as if she’s some kind of punk revolutionary.

3. Acts like a little kid around me and my friends, like when she walks in and says, “Are we having a slumber party, Girls?!?� (I know it’s a joke, but we’re not laughing with you, Mom.)

4. Wears outfits that show half her cleavage and midriff.

5. Wears outfits that show her ‘90s tattoos.

6. Argues with me when we’re shopping and wants me to get jeans two sizes too big for me so they’ll last through the school year when both me and the teenage saleswoman know the jeans won’t be in style by the end of the school year.

7. Even after I ask her if she can drop me off a block away from my destination, she insists on driving me the whole way.

8. Waits for me outside of school and then, if I’m late, she actually GETS OUT OF THE CAR.